punchdrunk lovesick singalong

it was a long weekend in so many ways. bella does not have mono, trent's field trip was dumb and long. I wish I had the energy to expand on those things, but today I don't. sean and I were up talking late, and I only got 2 hours of sleep. maybe tomorrow?

I will say this. bella is crazy talking. like saying everything. and she's in love with the color yellow. I am trying hard to find some yellow shoes, since each time I ask what shoes she wants to wear, she says 'yayow shoes. pees.' where does one find yellow toddler shoes?

also, I am sorry about both my own blogslacking and my commentslacking. I'm emotionally wrung out. I will return to my usual bitchy self soon, I promise.

I much prefer stereo

hi. wow. it's been a long couple of days. tying up some loose ends, da vinci code was good. I enjoyed it. it may have been because I finally got out of the house, too...

see, on thursday, bella came home from daycare with a fever. which only got worse overnight. I stayed home from work and didn't have the opportunity to take that half day after all, so I postponed my movie visit (which I had already purchased tickets for...at least it was matinee pricing) to friday night at quarter to nine. friday, bella was feverish despite taking infant ibuprofen, listless, and cranky. I took her to the doctor fully expecting another ear infection, but not this time. this time she had "sores" on her tonsils. the doctor did a quick strep test that came back negative, and a more thorough strep test that took overnight. of course, labs are closed on the weekend, so we waited until monday for that result, which was negative. so it was off to the hospital for a blood test for, of all things, mono. and let me tell you, I had a stern talking-to with ms. bella, as I had no idea that she was even into boys let alone into kissing. who? where? when??

all weekend, her fever waxed and waned and finally went away on sunday. monday, the day of the blood test, she was fever-free and off tylenol (which the doctor had us switch to due to bella throwing up and ibuprofen being rough on the belly) and seemed fine. of course, when your doctor is testing for mono, you don't rush to send the kid back to school. so sean stayed with her on monday, and I stayed with her on tuesday, since the results don't come back for 3 days.

here's where it got weird. I was waiting for the doctor to call back (what is the PROBLEM with them CALLING THE FUCK BACK??? I had to call 3 times!) and let me know exactly what I was in for, how much time I'd be taking off, etc. but of course I didn't get through to the doctor. the nurse, who couldn't have known who I was talking about (I said "I'm calling about bella milligan" and she just said "yes?" and didn't go get her chart or anything) said that as long as she was fever- free for 24 hrs, I could take her back to daycare. then I got a voicemail from the doctor on my cell phone (oh, so you'll call back, but only to one number - when I was right next to my home phone, which is the number I left for callback, all day) way after the office closed saying that the test results that she did get back say that bella does have an active infection.

so quandary - take bella to daycare because she has no fever, or keep her home because she could have mono and give it to other kids?

this is where it's tough to be a working mom, because I had to let my work dictate what I did. I took her back to daycare. she has no sign of being ill at all, and I just couldn't take another day off. I mean, I could, but I preferred not to...which I feel very guilty about. in fact, I feel horrible.

the situation was made worse by my having to take tomorrow off because of what I'm calling a severe case of stupidity. in filling out a permission slip for trent for a class outing, I inadvertently signed up to be chaperone. I found out yesterday and by the time I protested, the teacher said it was pretty much locked in, so tomorrow, I'm going on a field trip. it wouldn't be so bad if it were something really cool or at least mildly educational, but I'll be going on a bus with a bunch of 13 year olds to a town 30 mins away (passing at least 3 movie theaters) to see "over the hedge" and then to lunch at the nearby mall foodcourt. no franklin institute, no longwood gardens, not even a local museum. a stupid movie. I can't tell you how annoyed I am at myself. it did give trent a chuckle, as I am constantly telling him to pay attention to what he's doing.

so...I'll be out tomorrow and friday is a toss up, as we get the mono test results tomorrow. and if she has mono, I have no business taking her back to daycare. not knowing is bad, but knowing is worse...so I may not be around for a while. wish us luck.

hap eh uhhh uhhh uh maaaadgy....

bella hums alot while she plays, but she's recently become very interested in singing. alot of the things she sings, we can figure out - from the first song she sang weeks ago (ring around the rosie) to her current second favorite ("tinkle, tinkle, yi yi dah"). but there was one she kept singing and giggling at that we couldn't figure out right away.

hap eh uhhh uhhhh uh...DAAAADDDYYYY! (giggle) hap eh uhhh uhhhh uh MOOOOMMMMY! (giggle) hap eh uhhhh uhhh uh TEEEEEEENT! (giggle)

finally, I figured it out. she's singing happy birthday to everyone.

so now it's all birthday all the time. the baby dolls have birthdays, the chair has birthdays, the kitty has birthdays...at least she hasn't connected it to coke-cokes (cupcakes) yet.

in other news, bella has been requesting something accompany her to daycare every day. not always the same thing, though both baby dolls and one particular receiving blanket are her usuals. once it was her sweater even when she didn't want to wear it, once it was a teletubbies dvd case, once it was a necklace of mine, but the oddest one was a bottle of aquafina water. she would not go to daycare without it. and it had to sit next to her while she had breakfast. I think she more or less forgets about whatever she brings shortly after I leave, but for the short time I'm there, she's very adamant that she has something with her, and no one else can touch it. (to that end, another favorite phrase of hers is "mine" - uh oh.)

tomorrow I am leaving work early to go see the da vinci code. I feel like a star wars dork. at least if I dress up as one of the characters, it could be audrey tautou and maybe everyone would just think I'm stylish and european. I am quite sure no one in the movie is dressed all in white plastic or in head to toe fur, so maybe I won't be seen as quite so much a dork as star wars people. I'm looking forward to it, of course, but not because I think it's the best movie of the year or anything. I'm looking forward to an enjoyable diversion from the everyday, a series of puzzles that gets solved by actors, and a well-told story. I by no means think a work of fiction or a movie based on a work of fiction is a threat to the world as we know it by attacking organized religion, nor do I think that dan brown or the dudes he ripped off are geniuses ready to pull back the curtain on life as we know it. it's just a fucking movie...that I am excited to enjoy.

bella m. and all the other bellas

well, it already happened. you know how you agonize over finding that perfect name for your baby, one that isn't so far out that she's ostracized but one that isn't going to be one of 15 kids in her class with the same name? we did that. we had all kinds of names on the list - hazel (a family name), dahlia, sofia - and we chose bella. sean loved it, it was very italian, and I didn't know anyone named bella so I had no negative connotations with it. then I used this thingie and it said that the name was on the rise. still not too bad, though...until I had her, and everyone asked me if she was named isabella. turns out isabella is one hell of a popular name.

bella has 4 classmates at daycare: kaylie, giovanna, connor, and ISABELLA. who is called bella. 2 out of 5?? wtf?

at any rate, here are some things that MY bella does that I bet that other one doesn't do. she's currently on an "eeeeeewwwww" kick. everything she sees that isn't quite right is met with "eeeeeeeewwww!!!!" something spilled on the floor? eeeeewwww! her shoe is untied? eeeeeeewwww! her peach is touching her ravioli? eeeewwwwww! (I admit, that's my fault.) she was 'watching' (sitting down, twirling her hair, drinking mokey moke) big love (not this week's show, last week's) with sean and he said that after the line "go get your kids, margeane, they're eating bugs" bella said "eeeeeeewwwww!! eat bugs!" so everything is eeeeeewwwww at home right now.

she is in love with the outdoors. she loves "blowers" - dandelions ready to be blown to the wind - but has trouble blowing them. she gets it too close to her mouth and winds up with little seeds all over her lips. which, of course, is met with eeeeewwwww. she loves walking alone - without holding hands or walking alongside me. she's so independent that I can, without a doubt, see directly into our future where we will battle over who opens the box of cereal, who puts on her shoes, and how she learns how to drive.

she also loves to climb. she likes climbing all over the furniture and getting up and down from chairs by herself. needless to say, this makes me slightly freaked out and I'm waiting to blog about Bella's First Stitches or Bella's Giant Scab or whatever. so far we're doing okay but I'm not sure how long it'll last.

shifting gears a bit, trent went to a combined tryout for both the travel soccer team and this thing called "premier", which is more expensive but the kids play at a way higher skill level. even though I had noted on trent's signup form that we are only interested in travel (which is already kind of steep) the premier coach pulled me aside after tryouts on saturday (which bella and I spent blowing blowers, racing matchbox cars down the sloped sidewalk, and exploring the front seat of the car) to ask me if I was interested in putting trent in premier, because they think he's good enough for the team. it was a big compliment for trent (and by transitive property, for me) but I just hope we are able to do it financially. more than that, actually, I hope we are able to do it timewise. it's a big committment. we'll see how it shakes out.

what I did on my mother's day vacation

we went to longwood gardens. it was really fun.

it was the orchid festival.


the flowers were really pretty.


bella liked seeing birdies.


we even saw cacti.


there were lots of flowers...


...but I enjoyed spending time with the kiddies the most.


bella got tired out from walking all over...


...she certainly wore sean out.


must've been the stairs she climbed about 40 times.


longwood is my favorite place to visit.


but I was most happy that I got my mother's day wish.

picture pages: easter and brett's birthday

here are some pictures from a long time ago and not so long ago.

yesterday - bella picking a blower (dandelion)

yesterday - bella before her bath

a week or so ago - bella napping in the living room

yesterday - bella before her bath

easter - bella finds an egg

easter - bella finds her melmo basket

trent's dad brett's 32nd birthday - doesn't he look exactly like trent?

brett, smiling - he didn't know I was taking a picture

everything in moderation

I am so glad it's friday. otherwise, I may just explode. work has really got me feeling like I need to play the lottery way more often.

I bought myself an ipod as a mother's day present to myself, but I haven't been successful in getting it to work. not that I don't know how to use an ipod, because I use (and upload music to) sean's all the time. part of the problem is that we both have ipods and we both use the same itunes on our home computer. so his playlists are constantly trying to upload to my ipod, and vice versa. I think we have to have our own, but his itunes is in my profile...it's just annoying. so I have it and it's sitting idly on our (antique - because I don't sew) sewing machine at home. just waiting to be used.

I have been eating really nonstop for a few days now. so hungry. I don't know what the problem is, but my defenses are way down and my ability to rationalize is at an all time high - like "the day I had today? I DESERVE 3 sodas" and "I already had 3 sodas, I may as well have this bag of milanos." moderation. I have to get back to it.

the only thing I don't want in moderation is my kids. it's mother's day and I am not really that close with my mother, and I definitely do not have the touchy-feely kind of relationship with her that I have with my own kids. maybe I did once - if so, I sincerely do not remember. we were not a huggy family. well, my dad was, and is. actually, memories are coming to me of me and my dad sitting on the couch, me wondering when I could get up and play and my dad sitting and hugging me so tightly that it almost hurt.

anyway, I won't be spending time with my mom on mother's day, simply because I never really do. but I will be spending time with the universe's two most perfect children, bella and trent. (as you mothers will be spending time with the universe's most perfect children, your own.) the two of them together, when they interact, is the most precious thing I have ever witnessed. for so long, it's been me and trent and I wasn't sure how another child would really fit in, since my heart was always so full with him. I know I've talked about this before, but it bears repeating. people kept telling me your heart just gets bigger, and I couldn't fathom it until I had bella. sometimes I love the two of them so much that I feel like I'm going to burst. I do like my career and I am glad I am working, and I love sean and I'm glad I'm a wife, but my children are my best accomplishment and what gives me the biggest amount of satisfaction.

so this weekend is mother's day and I plan to look at it as a day I get to revel in being a mother, to marvel at it all, to relive the days when they were born, and just enjoy them as much as possible for this moment in time - because they'll never be exactly like this again - instead of planning some epic dinner or opening any presents. I just want my family together, happy, (hopefully at longwood gardens) and content.

I will tell you on monday all about all the temper tantrums, snags, and aggravations that happen. hey, I can pontificate about the beauty and tranquility of motherhood all I want, but I am a realist. I will enjoy it all, though. that's what makes me who I am, and I am a mom.

weekend update

I had a pretty good weekend. I got to be an independent grown up on friday night and hang out with friends from work until after midnight. saturday, I took bells to ikea, where she was too afraid to play in the ball pit, but where we did manage to spend 45 mins eating goldfish in the cafe (and limited our spending to less than $100, which is unheard of.) sunday, sean took bella to the goat races at slyfox brewery, where a friend of his had his goat win the race and subsequently had a beer named after it. I, in turn, did some retail therapy, buying stuff from stores I clearly shouldn't have been in past 1998. (but the pants are cute.) then came home to a big mac pizza (it's exactly what you think) and a slightly cranky bella while sean went to the phillies game with his friends (as his independent grown up activity for the weekend.)

the only thing missing from the weekend, and it's a recurring theme, is time with sean. these days, even when we do hang out together, I am too irritated with this or that to really enjoy it, we're both distracted, one of us is tired, or the time we do have is limited. I think it's taking a toll on us. it is on me, anyways. we really have to get away for a while together to remember why we are together beyond bella.

speaking of, bella is speaking of everything. she talks, sings, hums...she's always vocalizing. she's been scolding me lately by saying something that sounds like BEEE TEEE DAA DOUGH! DA DOUGH!! I have no idea what she is saying. she means business, though. I was in the shower on saturday when she opened the shower curtain and said "I color" while pointing to the floor, which now has orange crayon scribble on it. (well hopefully not - since sean is supposed to be cleaning today.) I was amazed that she said it enough that I didn't care so much that she did it. though I did tell her to get a piece of paper, which she did. she understands alot, this kid. but the cutest thing she's doing lately is saying "ummmmmmm" when you ask her a question. "bella, what do you want for snack?" "ummmmmmmmmmmmm...cackers." "bella, where's the doggie?" "ummmmmmmmmm...ah dunno!" so cute.

tomorrow, I get to be an independent grown up again and have dinner with nicole and a mutual friend of ours...woo! I always have a tough time when I go to the house of eggerts because I want to spend time with everyone and there never seems to be enough time. I really want one on one time with noah so I can get to know him better, and I also miss talking to mark and nicole (about things other than babies - though what, I have no idea), and of course I miss talking to nicole about everything under the sun. and then I also need more time to spend with sean, and with all of us as a family, and with brett, and with my dad.....

excuse me while my head explodes.

2 milestones

not for bella, for me.

well, this one is sort of for bella. I am done breastfeeding. it happened kind of gradually, over the last few weeks, but I was not ready to say for certain that it was over in case I'd jinx myself. bella still asks for nigh-nigh (her word for nursing) but can be consoled with mokey-moke (milky-milk, her word for milk) instead. it's been about 10 days or so since I've nursed her last, and actually it could be more than that. I don't have any engorgement because I weaned her so gradually, and also because during my cold, I was taking decongestants that dry you up. I thought I'd be really more emotional over it, like I was with her walking, but strangely, I'm not. not really. because she still lets me cuddle and hold her, and she's still drinking milk from a bottle and not a cup. I'm sure I'll curse myself for that soon, but for right now, as long as it isn't attached to me by skin, I'm cool with it. now I'm free to do things that I wouldn't do because of bella - namely, get a new tattoo. silly, huh? I am not a drinker nor a smoker nor a partaker of drugs, so there's not much else that I needed to stay away from. other than medicines - thank god I can take sudafed again.

I want to get bella's name added to my back, where I already have trent's name. but more than that, I want to get something more intricate, something on a bigger scale than the tattoos I already have. why? well, it probably sounds silly, but it ties in with the other milestone - my name.

when I married sean, I took his name on a few things and kept my maiden name on some other things. which I would not recommend, by the way, because it's really gotten me into trouble. at work, they know me by my maiden name in the HR and payroll departments, but my email and all of my colleagues know me by my married name. that's because my license and soc sec # are in my maiden name - I never made a move to change them. my credit cards and bank accounts are in my married name, but my personal email addresses are in my maiden name. but the biggest snafu right now is that the deed to our house is in my married name, which the mortgage company (also in my married name) now realizes isn't official, and they need us to change it poste haste.

anyway, so I have to settle on a name. either go forward with changing everything to milligan, or go back to being patrice colancecco. and I finally, after 3 years, decided - I'm going back to colancecco. it's who I've always been, it's who I relate to, it means something to me. not that milligan doesn't, and not that everyone should make this decision. but it's right for me. and I'm lucky to have a husband that understands that and supports it. I spent 29 years of my life (28? whichever) being a colancecco and it always felt fake to pretend I was someone else.

so, with my newly dried up boobs, I am...

patrice colancecco.

update in 4 mins or less

here we go.

bella - ears are now fine. off meds. had 18 mo checkup - 50th percentile for height, but 5th for weight. is cute. likes to say "shaba" - we have no idea what it means but we find it hilarious.

trent - belligerent but still better than some 13 year olds. baseball seems to be overtaking life - just in time for soccer tryouts sunday.

sean - no idea.

work - dumb.

me - still sneezy. ears are starting to hurt. perhaps I'll go to doctor.

wow. and I still have 2 mins left. I am glad nicole and mark and noah are home. their pictures of jamaica are beautiful. I came into some found money recently and am thinking about whisking away with sean to some sort of similar retreat, if only for a weekend. where should we go? ideas?

one minute left. I finished landscaping the front yard over the weekend and we got bella a sandbox and a slide for the back yard. I am pleased with the results of both endeavors. though I wish bella would stop taking the sand from the box and dumping it on the grass because a) it took me a long time to grow that damn grass and b) it's deceiving to buy play sand because it's only $5 a bag - but you need 6 bags to fill up the sandbox. it's as much to get the sand as it is to get the box...so I want to keep the sand in it.

time's up...