5.12.2006

everything in moderation

I am so glad it's friday. otherwise, I may just explode. work has really got me feeling like I need to play the lottery way more often.

I bought myself an ipod as a mother's day present to myself, but I haven't been successful in getting it to work. not that I don't know how to use an ipod, because I use (and upload music to) sean's all the time. part of the problem is that we both have ipods and we both use the same itunes on our home computer. so his playlists are constantly trying to upload to my ipod, and vice versa. I think we have to have our own, but his itunes is in my profile...it's just annoying. so I have it and it's sitting idly on our (antique - because I don't sew) sewing machine at home. just waiting to be used.

I have been eating really nonstop for a few days now. so hungry. I don't know what the problem is, but my defenses are way down and my ability to rationalize is at an all time high - like "the day I had today? I DESERVE 3 sodas" and "I already had 3 sodas, I may as well have this bag of milanos." moderation. I have to get back to it.

the only thing I don't want in moderation is my kids. it's mother's day and I am not really that close with my mother, and I definitely do not have the touchy-feely kind of relationship with her that I have with my own kids. maybe I did once - if so, I sincerely do not remember. we were not a huggy family. well, my dad was, and is. actually, memories are coming to me of me and my dad sitting on the couch, me wondering when I could get up and play and my dad sitting and hugging me so tightly that it almost hurt.

anyway, I won't be spending time with my mom on mother's day, simply because I never really do. but I will be spending time with the universe's two most perfect children, bella and trent. (as you mothers will be spending time with the universe's most perfect children, your own.) the two of them together, when they interact, is the most precious thing I have ever witnessed. for so long, it's been me and trent and I wasn't sure how another child would really fit in, since my heart was always so full with him. I know I've talked about this before, but it bears repeating. people kept telling me your heart just gets bigger, and I couldn't fathom it until I had bella. sometimes I love the two of them so much that I feel like I'm going to burst. I do like my career and I am glad I am working, and I love sean and I'm glad I'm a wife, but my children are my best accomplishment and what gives me the biggest amount of satisfaction.

so this weekend is mother's day and I plan to look at it as a day I get to revel in being a mother, to marvel at it all, to relive the days when they were born, and just enjoy them as much as possible for this moment in time - because they'll never be exactly like this again - instead of planning some epic dinner or opening any presents. I just want my family together, happy, (hopefully at longwood gardens) and content.

I will tell you on monday all about all the temper tantrums, snags, and aggravations that happen. hey, I can pontificate about the beauty and tranquility of motherhood all I want, but I am a realist. I will enjoy it all, though. that's what makes me who I am, and I am a mom.

5 validations:

Kodi said...

God, I know just what you mean. Sometimes I lay in bed and cry because I love Kiri so very much and I want her to KNOW how much I love her. I want to express it in a way that will leave no doubt.
Happy Mothers Day.

Marksthespot said...

as i type, i'm watching noah quietly, intently examine his own toes. just to see how they're put together. and it's the most amazing thing i've ever seen. happy mother's day.

re: ipod, you can set up itunes so that it doesn't automatically update whichever ipod you plug in with everything. then you can manually put playlists on there. unless sean likes the auto-updating.

Stine said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who rationalizes with "I DESERVE this..."

Happy Mother's Day!

Rebecca said...

Happy Mothers Day!

Longwood Gardens... I have vague memories of having visited Longwood Gardens many years ago... hm...

Brownidegirl74 said...

I hope you enjoyed your day! Can't wait to hear about it. Longwood Gardens....last time I was there was after prom with David Dinan. A very long time ago.

Good for you buying an Ipod. I do want one, but just haven't bought one yet. Eventually I suppose. Khrystyna hsa one and loves it!