so so sorry.

things have just been nuts. I'm sorry. today is day 3 of my new job.

yes. I have a new job. I didn't really see a whole lot of forward motion in my last job, not to mention that I work with my boyfriend and it looked like our boss may resign, meaning one of us would be in the position to be promoted. if it were either one of us, the other would likely have to find a new job anyways (because though it's okay for us to be dating, it's not okay for us to be dating and reporting to one another) so I figured I'd go. plus, I got a killer job description from a recruiter doing something pretty much totally different than I did before. and the money is better. and I can move up. so it's good all around. only thing is, I had to start dec 20...just days before xmas. and now I have to work a few days next week. but it's working out so far, I suppose.

it's hard starting a new job. makes me feel for trent when school starts. it's scary. everyone here seems nice though so I'm not feeling as nervous as I was before I started.

in other news, bella LOVES santa, but not enough to get close to him. we stood in line for over an hour to see santa a few weekends ago and trent and I coached bella on what to say when she got up there. you know, "santa's going to ask what you want for christmas. what are you going to say?" she wanted to ask for a baby doll, the barney movie, happy birthday, and presents. hey, I wasn't going to correct her, she was adamant. so we wait, and wait, through lunch and a diaper emergency, and get up to santa. she won't sit with him. so she makes me hold her and positions me so that I'm between her and santa before reaching her head over my shoulder and shouting to santa, "A BABY DOLL! BARNEY MOVIE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" see, she wanted santa to make sure he knew what she wanted, but she didn't want to get too close. we got a picture with her on my lap and me next to santa.

so she's very excited about santa. in fact, at home, she dons her santa hat and tries to get the dog and cat to sit on her lap and tell what they want for christmas. and the first time she saw our tree decorated, she said, "mommy! it's christmas ALL OVER THE PLACE!" so she's into christmas.

she's been a little sick lately, and I hope that it goes away before sunday and monday. she's been cranky, but a sinus infection will do that to you. the medicine is giving her horrible diarrhea, too, so she's got a sore butt.

trent and I have been butting heads alot lately but I think we're okay. after the holidays, it's time to worry about his birthday. not so much his birthday but the party. I think I told you last year how he hates having a party for himself. I hope he wants one this year.

well, happy holidays to you all. I hope santa gets you happy birthday and presents. I won't be back online until next thursday, but I think I've trained everyone not to look for an update from me until several weeks have gone by, so we should be good.

love, peace, happiness


I'm sorry.

I write ridiculous posts, don't open them to comments, and then don't bother to come and resolve anything. I'm sorry.

things aren't really that bad. they never are. it's all relative, of course, but there are worse things in the world, I know.

bella is wonderful. she's actually currently a little sick, she's got this weird fever but no other symptoms (and it's ripping through daycare like wildfire) but she should be fine soon. she's very interested in all things "kissmiss" and we're going to decorate the house on saturday morning. yesterday, she decided to put a pull-up on her head like a hat. yes, I took pictures, and yes, someday, I will download them. she's a little jokester like that. she loves singing baa baa black sheep but lately she's been asking "have you any pizzas?" instead of wool.

she got alot of neat toys for her birthday, but her favorite things to play with right now are babies (or other dolls, like mickey mouse) and "blwankwets". and her stwrowler. she's using alot of extraneous w's in her speech, but I know that will go away. she takes her babies (or her dora the explora doll, which she loves because it has REAL HAIR) in and out of the stroller and gives them a little loving pat before dropping them back in the plastic stroller bassinette head first with an audible clunk and then throwing at least 2 blankets over their heads, and then pushing the stroller at top speed into a wall or door. she's a loving child.

she loves everything lately. I took her to the grocery store with me (which I typically don't do - it's just easier to do it when she's not around) and had to break open the couscous (blue's clues) fruit snacks when we had only gotten to aisle 4. she takes the pack and says "thanks, mom. I yov it. I yov it so much!" when we pass by kissmiss lights, she says "kissmiss! I yov it." but oddly, when you say "bella, I love you..." and think she'll say "I yov you too", she just says "okay."

and she loves to call me by my first name. mateese. mateese and sahn. and then she giggles and falls into a heap and says "I mean, mommy!"

trent...well...he's a good boy. I've realized that the reason he's been acting out in school (his study hall teacher had to call me and ask me to help with his behavior problem - one that landed him a detention yesterday) is because he doesn't socialize outside of school. he rarely goes to his friends' houses and never has friends over. not for my lack of trying. I'm always asking if he wants to go to the movies and take a friend. he never wants to. he's a homebody. but the problem is, he uses school as his social outlet (and he's quite social at school - his teacher could not believe that he's a homebody) and therefore cannot control himself. not that this helps solve the problem, but at least it helps to understand.

sean's 30th birthday is next thursday. last year, we both thought that it would be a big celebration for us, but things obviously have changed. though I am helping throw him a party, albeit very much after the fact (late january). if you have his email address, be sure to say something to him on dec 7, the day that will live in infamy as his 30th birthday.

sorry again for being so distant and mopey.