together, apart

the fourth of july weekend was good. I feel guilty having any kind of good time but I have to admit that spending time with my friends does make me feel better. sean is actually holding up much better than I am, which is odd under the circumstances. he's packed up alot of his stuff and the house is looking more empty. I'm going to use the opportunity to get rid of things I know I shouldn't hold onto (like that chair in the front room that no one can sit in - it's cool looking, for sure, and it totally matches our retro wallpaper, but it is ripped in so many places that it spills foam every time someone walks past it. I'll take a picture of it and then let it go.) and try to make a few improvements.

one thing I am considering, which sean is all for, is...and I feel guilty even typing it...finding a new home for our cat. I love her very much, but she's taken to using the entire front room as her litter box. we have 4 litter boxes in there and have spent countless hours and hundreds (literally) of dollars trying to break the habit. when she's at my sister's house, she only goes in the litter box. ditto for the vet's office, where she once stayed for a few days when we couldn't get her medicine for her bladder infection (which started it all). she just seems to have a mental block or something. and she pees right NEXT to the litter box. sometimes in it, but often just next to it. so we need new carpet in there (especially since we're planning to move the tv into that room) and I don't want to do that if the cat is just going to pee all over it again. the cat seems like a metaphor for how I feel about what's going on with sean and I. not that sean's peeing in the front room. but I made a committment when I got this cat and I feel like I have to see it through. but we've used cleaners, comfort measures, switched litters, used different litter boxes, bought and tried everything we could. nothing seems to work. I'm not sure what to do. what do you think?

throughout this whole debacle, bella's been just adorable as can be. she's begun talking in sentences, which is so cute. it's great to hear what's on her mind. and I'm getting to know alot more of her likes and dislikes - as in, she says "I don't like this cackers" or "I like this ice keem" or "I don't wanna go sleepy". I'm still trying to break her of the "mine" habit and I think it's finally working. this morning, we found out that we won a raffle at daycare. we got a pretty big mickey mouse doll that talks (which has been sitting in the lobby for a few weeks, and bella says hello to it every morning) and a gift certificate for toys r us. so I gave her the mickey doll today as we went into her classroom and when giovanna tried to see it, she screamed "MINE!" I told her that wasn't nice, and she looked at me, then walked to giovanna, gave her the mickey, and said "you can see it." awww. I told her she is a good girl.

oh, and over this weekend, I did take bella to see her very first movie in the movie theater - cars. not recommended for the toddler set. it is heavy on the dialog. cute, though. bella fell asleep about 3/4 of the way through. she did have popcorn for the first time (though I watched her like a hawk - CHOKING HAZARD, CHOKING HAZARD) and loved it. it was a nice time. before the movie, we had gone to chik fil a and nicole is right about the playland being wonderful. there was only one other little boy in there when we went in. he had braces on his legs but was getting around okay. he was very inquisitive - his name is aaron. he tried to help bella, but she was too little for the part he was playing in, so I said I'd put her in the toddler area. he wanted to come too but needed my help - because he is blind. I had no idea. so I helped him into the toddler area and he and bella had fun together. she did everything he was doing. and I helped him through everything. he kept asking questions about me and bella and what we were doing...he was so cute, with such a sweet face. I kept wondering where his mother was. she finally came in and he went to go eat. I noticed through the window that his family consisted of one caretaker and 4 special needs children. we said goodbye to aaron on our way out and he seemed happy. what a neat little man.

today is payday. my first go-round with the bills. wish me luck.

8 validations:

NME said...

Bella is amazingly adorable. And the sentences? So cute. So amazing at her age.

And you won a raffle! That's some good luck.

Seeing kids like Aaron and families like Aarons' totally blows my mind. IT puts so much into perspective.

lonna said...

The nosy, I mean caring, part of me has been wondering how your kids were handling all of this.

About Kitchen, I would feel the same way that you feel. Having said that, I think that you just have to say that you did everything that you could for her, and it's just not working for her. It seems to me like it's in her best interest to be somewhere else too since she only has the box problems at your house.

Bella's sentences must be so helpful. I remember just waiting and waiting for Dermot to be able to tell us what he thinks about different things.

Missuz J said...

Bella=Cuteness times infinity

RE cat: E and I had a cat once. He brought it home from a box in front of the grocery store the first time we had a fight. It was the meanest, smelliest, clawiest, least pleasant cat ever ever ever on the planet.

When we separated, part of the deal for me returning was that the cat would be elsewhere.

I'm not as much as an animal fan as you are, but really, if an animal is lessening the quality of your life, and you've done what you can within reason, it's time to say goodbye.

Steph said...

I sooo understand about the cat--there's only so much you can do when something sweet that should make your life nicer has become a constant source of extra work and frustration, especially at a time like this for you.

I found this site when I had a couple issues with my cats. They had some interesting solutions:


I've also tried "Feliway" (which they mention) and it actually does help.

I hope everything works out one way or another. Either way, you'll make the best choice, and you should not feel guilty if you give her up. Easier said than done--I know. There's an art in knowing when to give things (even things you love) up. It's not as if you'd just be discarding the cat--she'd have a nice home where she'd be happy.

Katy said...

OMG Boo, I had totally forgotten about Devil Daisy, that cat had serious mental problems.

As for my opinion on the kitty issue. I am not a fan of cats. We had a cat, her name was Kitty (so original I know) and I liked her, but she had been around since I was 7. Then one weekend I came home to visit from college and Kitty was gone. My parents still insist we never even had a cat. Right like I need another reason to feel like I'm crazy. Anywho, you did your best, now let it go.

amandak said...

So glad you had a nice weekend!

If you can find a place for the cat, more power to you. Seriously.

I ended up in chick-fil-a on accident with the kidlets a few weeks ago and I was also impressed, all the way around. Decent, if simple, food, and the play area was clean, fun, interesting for little and bigger kids, and had very soothing nature sounds instead of musak. Nice. Sounds like you got some gratitude along with you chicken, and that's what's called a 'double bonus'. ;)

If you're looking for a movie more geared for the toddler set, "Curious George" was really sweet. I think it's off the big screens, but if you have a 2nd run type place in your area, it might still be there?

Luck will the bills!

~A~ said...

I miss Bella age (sort of). Lucky for me I have enough friends with kidlets in that age group so I can get my baybay fix and a reminder why I stopped at 4.

I would try freecycle.org for the cat and not even mention the pissin' problem. Sounds like it's just located in your house and she'll be better off in a new home. Give a sob story about the split and I'm sure some crazy ol cat lady will take her in.

CC said...

I read your blog on a regular basis, I just never leave comments. So this is hello.

About your cat, I know of someone who had this problem before with their cat. Usually, once a cat stops going in the litter box, its a lost cause. But, as a last resort, she got acupuncture on her cat- and it worked! I am sure there are some in the area that do vet acupuncture (I live in Philly)- You should have even better luck out where you live. I can probably get the name of the one she used if you are interested.