together, apart

the fourth of july weekend was good. I feel guilty having any kind of good time but I have to admit that spending time with my friends does make me feel better. sean is actually holding up much better than I am, which is odd under the circumstances. he's packed up alot of his stuff and the house is looking more empty. I'm going to use the opportunity to get rid of things I know I shouldn't hold onto (like that chair in the front room that no one can sit in - it's cool looking, for sure, and it totally matches our retro wallpaper, but it is ripped in so many places that it spills foam every time someone walks past it. I'll take a picture of it and then let it go.) and try to make a few improvements.

one thing I am considering, which sean is all for, is...and I feel guilty even typing it...finding a new home for our cat. I love her very much, but she's taken to using the entire front room as her litter box. we have 4 litter boxes in there and have spent countless hours and hundreds (literally) of dollars trying to break the habit. when she's at my sister's house, she only goes in the litter box. ditto for the vet's office, where she once stayed for a few days when we couldn't get her medicine for her bladder infection (which started it all). she just seems to have a mental block or something. and she pees right NEXT to the litter box. sometimes in it, but often just next to it. so we need new carpet in there (especially since we're planning to move the tv into that room) and I don't want to do that if the cat is just going to pee all over it again. the cat seems like a metaphor for how I feel about what's going on with sean and I. not that sean's peeing in the front room. but I made a committment when I got this cat and I feel like I have to see it through. but we've used cleaners, comfort measures, switched litters, used different litter boxes, bought and tried everything we could. nothing seems to work. I'm not sure what to do. what do you think?

throughout this whole debacle, bella's been just adorable as can be. she's begun talking in sentences, which is so cute. it's great to hear what's on her mind. and I'm getting to know alot more of her likes and dislikes - as in, she says "I don't like this cackers" or "I like this ice keem" or "I don't wanna go sleepy". I'm still trying to break her of the "mine" habit and I think it's finally working. this morning, we found out that we won a raffle at daycare. we got a pretty big mickey mouse doll that talks (which has been sitting in the lobby for a few weeks, and bella says hello to it every morning) and a gift certificate for toys r us. so I gave her the mickey doll today as we went into her classroom and when giovanna tried to see it, she screamed "MINE!" I told her that wasn't nice, and she looked at me, then walked to giovanna, gave her the mickey, and said "you can see it." awww. I told her she is a good girl.

oh, and over this weekend, I did take bella to see her very first movie in the movie theater - cars. not recommended for the toddler set. it is heavy on the dialog. cute, though. bella fell asleep about 3/4 of the way through. she did have popcorn for the first time (though I watched her like a hawk - CHOKING HAZARD, CHOKING HAZARD) and loved it. it was a nice time. before the movie, we had gone to chik fil a and nicole is right about the playland being wonderful. there was only one other little boy in there when we went in. he had braces on his legs but was getting around okay. he was very inquisitive - his name is aaron. he tried to help bella, but she was too little for the part he was playing in, so I said I'd put her in the toddler area. he wanted to come too but needed my help - because he is blind. I had no idea. so I helped him into the toddler area and he and bella had fun together. she did everything he was doing. and I helped him through everything. he kept asking questions about me and bella and what we were doing...he was so cute, with such a sweet face. I kept wondering where his mother was. she finally came in and he went to go eat. I noticed through the window that his family consisted of one caretaker and 4 special needs children. we said goodbye to aaron on our way out and he seemed happy. what a neat little man.

today is payday. my first go-round with the bills. wish me luck.