7.18.2006

I know all there is to know about the crying game

I'm not going to lie. friday was terrible. it was my intention to get out of the house so that I wasn't there as sean moved. I knew he'd be okay because he gets into what he calls "get shit done mode" and there's no time for feelings. plus, it was about 8,000 degrees here and it was too hot to be upset. except for me. my sister was in atlantic city so I didn't have an opportunity to go there, and I didn't want to drive into the city. I really didn't have motivation to do anything, to tell you the truth. so I went back home and just helped where I could and did alot of crying. alot. but it was cathartic. nicole said it best when she likened it to a viewing for a funeral. closure, a hard kind of closure that hurts, but closure.

going to sean's new home was a little surreal. here were things that I was used to seeing in my house, all over. plus, this apartment is exactly the same as the apartment he had for about 9 months before we moved in together. it almost feels the time in between never happened. I spent time there last night since sean's brother billy was in from where he's living now in south carolina (he is now out of the air force) and had the kids, and they wanted some time alone with just the two of them and many beers, so I watched billy's kids and bella at sean's. (sean has central air, lucky.) I'm glad things are going well for him, he seems happy. my house is in shambles, with pieces of furniture gone and alot to clean up. and my yard - forget about it. but it's so hot and I've been so busy, I don't know when I'll get to clean it all up. and that has me in sort of a funk, because I had worked hard to keep everything clean and now it's not anymore. I don't feel on top of it any longer and I hope that doesn't propel me into a downward slide.

day by day.

7 validations:

NME said...

It only takes one afternoon to make a dent in the cleaning damage - and when you do it you'll feel better. It's SO worth doing because sitting in a torn apart place won't do much for your mood and ability to move forward the way you need to. But conquering it will.

Missuz J said...

I agree with nme, but also, it's ok to say. "Fuck the yard. I'm getting a divorce and feel shitty so my fucking yard can be dirty and you all can suck it."

Whichever makes you feel better.

~A~ said...

What they said. Plus (((HUGS))) and ***SMOOCHES***

Hang in there.

Stine said...

I'm thinking about you darling. I wish I could be there to give you a nice relaxing "forget about everything" massage.

M.Thom said...

Sorry that things are so gloomy right now. May you get resettled into your house soon. I'm thinking about you!

lonna said...

You know, at first I was all with Nicole. Cleaning everything up may help you take your mind off of things and it may make you feel like you're moving forward and accomplishing things. But then I remembered that you don't have A/C downstairs. There's no way I would do heavy work in this heat. You also might want to wrange Brett into some of the yard work to make up for his awful comment.

TD said...

Sometimes cleaning can be therapeutic in a sweat-out-the-toxins sort of way, like a long run or a really good cry. Just be sure to drink lots of fluids.