endings and beginnings

sean moves on friday. I know I've mentioned it like 4 thousand times but friday is the day after tomorrow. his stuff is all piled in the front room of the house. while I am loathe to say that I'm thrilled he is moving out (it's more of a resignation of a situation, not something to be happy about) I will say that I'll be happy when that big pile of stuff is out of the front room. for one, that room was already a cat haven, and now with all the distractions, I think kitchen is just peeing anywhere she pleases. and it's just hard to walk into a house I've been trying to keep clean for 2 weeks just to see mass chaos. but the day after tomorrow, all of that will be gone and then I'll deal with it.

last night, sean came over and packed. I came home with bella and made dinner for all of us. we all went out for chocolate milkshakes at dairy queen (and how ridiculous - we'd been going to friendly's for our milkshakes, sometimes 4 times a week when I was pregnant, and dq's milkshakes are like 1/4 of the price. duh.) and bella attempted to play in their playland. it wasn't much of a playland and some family let their 2 very large children play there unsupervised and they railroaded right over poor bella, so we had to leave. when we got back, I set up bella's crib to be a toddler bed, next to my bed. she loved it. she hopped right in, asked for a blanket (she loves blankets) and said "night night". when it was time to go to bed, I put her in her bed, she covered herself with her blanket, drank her bottle, and went right to sleep. it seemed too easy.

she fell out of that bed 4 times last night. the first 3 times, she was so tired that she went right back to bed. but the 4th time, she was pretty upset and wouldn't go back into the bed. I have to find a rail for it, but I don't even know if they make rails for toddler beds. I have to check. anyways, I hope that falling out won't deter her from wanting to sleep in her own bed. I plan to get her used to her bed in my room, and then transition her to her room. I know, I can't believe it either. I do realize that having her in my bed is way more for my comfort than it is for her, and I don't want her to get used to it and then be her problem as well as mine. so I'm trying to let go a little. we'll see how long it lasts.

tonight, it's bella and I all by ourselves. I pick her up from daycare and we'll go home and have dinner and then maybe go for a walk. if it's not too soupy out. the weather here sucks lately. hot, wet, muggy, humid, and any other synonym for crappy july weather you can think up. I love all of you dearly, but it makes me chuckle when one of you has central air problems and you have to open windows and sweat to death...that's my life every night. unless I want to hang out in my bedroom, which has no TV or room for movement of any kind.

anyway, the clock ticks closer to the end. I'm trying not to be too emotional about it because it's driving me crazy. it's all I can do not to get in my car and drive far away. I'm not even talking in hyperbole, I really have to tell myself that I have to go wherever it is that I'm driving to. I'm nervous because I'm the kind of person who deals fairly well with stressful situations (fairly well, I said) until they are over, and then I break down. so we'll see how saturday shapes up.

hope you're all having wonderfully busy and productive and happy lives.