so yeah, I had a root canal today. and after I posted about it, I went out to do some errands and go see my new therapist. want to know how it went? what? did you just scream "YES!"? I thought so. (shhhh. let me believe it.)
I opened a checking and savings account for myself. I've been bad with money my whole life, and this time I have to be good with it. I'm alot older than the last time I did this on my own, and in a better place. I think alot of why I wasn't good at managing my money had to do with the fact that I had very little of it. not that I'm swimming in dough, but I do have more than I used to. I hope that helps.
after the bank, I went to repierce my nose. I had had a nosering for about 8 years prior to the last 18 months or so, when I took out my stud. or actually, bella ripped it out and I figured it was best I leave it out for a while. then I just got used to it and left it out. when I tried to put it back in, it was just not happening. I feel like it is a part of me that's gotten lost, so I wanted to get it repierced for my birthday. a little belated, but still. know how much it costs to get one's nose repierced by a professional - ie, not by a gun? with a nice tip, $120. at least it includes a nosering. the ones I have are either not very nice, missing stones, or corkscrews, which I really don't like. this one has a removable gem, which I kind of hate, but they had no small steel ball studs like I am used to. this will do for now. it's very small, like my old ones were. if I could get away with it at work, though, I'd wear a tight hoop. maybe someday.
the interesting thing was that even though it was a repierce and the front, outer-facing hole was open, I still had the same sensations that I had the first time. it's on the right side (which I've found is the opposite of what most people have) and so the entire right side of my face twitched uncontrollably as the needle went in. then, as she put in the jewelry, it twitched again. all the while, my right eye was tearing copious amounts of liquid. just the right eye. the first time I got it done, I was afraid I was doing permanent nerve damage or I was having a stroke. it's only temporary though. and I'll tell you, I'm not good with pain, but it does give you a certain rush. I'm not big on drugs but I imagine it's what your first bump of coke feels like, at least for a split second. it's like you're elevated to a higher plane, things speed up, and you feel transcendent. but then it just hurts.
so after the bank and the peircing thingie, I had about 2 hours to kill before my therapist appointment, so I took myself out to dinner in doylestown. I found a small italian place and had myself some linguine with vodka gravy. still an hour to kill. so I walked around, until I thought I was going to die from humidity. see, the past 4 days or so, it's been crazy raining. enough that my roof is leaking and brett's basement flooded and my boss couldn't get into work today after trying for 3 hours. but today, it was hot and sunny. and all the moisture was burning off back into the atmosphere. I was sweating buckets, so I wound up driving around in the air conditioning and parking and catching up on phone calls.
then, the therapist. it's a new guy. the husband of the lady I had gone to before. did I mention that, the woman I was seeing? she was my father's therapist back in the day? anyway, it was too awkward with her so I asked for a referral and what do you know. she referred her husband, who shares a practice with her. the man is, I'm afraid, old. old fashioned, even. I have only ever seen women before and it felt like I was communicating with my dad. not good. not to mention he had made several judgements about what I was doing only a few minutes into our conversation. I don't like people who are quick to judge like that. he dismissed some real feelings I have. or I think they're real. I would examine that and maybe take under advisement that they are not real if he took the time to really get to know me before he stated that I wasn't doing the right thing. so...I think I need to find someone new. preferably someone closer to home, too. but I don't feel right calling him up and asking him who I should see. I think I will just leave a message and say I am cancelling my appointment and leave it at that. is that the coward's way out? probably.
so sean is moving in with friends of ours starting saturday. now that we got it over with, I'm actually not sure how I feel about it. sad, a little nervous, very guilty. not happy, and not relieved, as I had felt when I found out he was getting his apartment on the 15th. the one thing I did get from my therapy session is that my reasoning for doing this seems sound to dr. tony. not that it gives me great comfort, actually. but you know how I am with validation.
in closing, I drank a caffeinated beverage which is prohibiting me from being tired. plus, my tooth and nose hurt. and I think I am getting a cold. and I am a little bit dreading tomorrow, but I don't know why. there are things about this whole situation that have me so conflicted right now. most of which are dr. tony's doing, and for that, I think I'm actually a little mad at him. I suppose introspection is good, but second-guessing yourself is something else entirely. and for someone who just met me, saying all he said was not suggesting introspection as much as it was making me second guess. I don't know.
what do you think, blogiverse? should you always trust a therapist's opinion more than your own?
6.28.2006
double post day
whipped up at 9:48 PM
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7 validations:
My first reaction is run away really fast, pick up the yellow pages and find a therapist with a Mac or Mc in his or her name. That sounds good.
Trust your gut, if you think this guy is judging you, he probably is. And I don't like the fact that his wife referred him. Sounds sleazy.
And a nose ring? Don't you like sneeze and then snot hangs from it? I would like to get my belly button pierced but 1. Honey freaked when I mentioned it. 2. my belly isn't that cute after 4 large babies. So I'm still trying to save up for the ink, but I ended up spending all my funds on a high speed jet boil, that I have yet to use. *sigh*
I think tomorrow I'll post in my undies about all my other husbands. Just for you. I was going to email it but I figure it would make for a good undie skid mark. After all, we're talking ex-husbandS
As a psychologist who has also been in therapy, I wouldn't go back to that guy either. People have very different beliefs about what they want in a therapist, but I strongly believe that they are meant to be a sounding board. I think that their main purpose is to direct you (subtly) toward things you would have eventually found out anyway. You really are supposed to be the one in charge of the relationship. If you would rather see a woman, and I certainly would, then see a woman. This is about you feeling better about yourself and that's all that matters. I would just cancel my appt. with that guy without any fanfare too. What a jerk. The first appointment is supposed to be about background and building rapport. You certainly don't do that by judging people. If you are up to calling around asking questions about future therapists ask them what type of therapy they practice. I would look for a mixture of Rogerian and cognitive/behavioral therapy. Avoid psychoanalysis/psychotherapy like the plague. Those people are all about fixing you and judging you. Rogerian is all about listening, which usually isn't enough in my opinions, and CBT is more reasonable to me.
I miss my nose ring too. I still have the outside hole, but nothing will go through it either. I'm not in a position where I can get another yet, though.
I'm so jealous that you got your nose re-done. The minute I'm through nursing I'm doing that.
I don't know much about therapists or therapy, but I think if he's making you feel like you don't want to open up to him then he's probably not for you.
First congrats on the new nose ring. Uberspiffy.
Second...mr. Therapist man sounds like an idiot. It's been my experience that number one you have to listen to yourself. If your self is uncomfortable in a situation, she'll let you know. If your self is having feelings about certain things, they are real. No therapist, no matter how good they are can really get in your head and feel the things you're feeling and therefore has no right to pass any kind of judgement. Your feelings are real to you because you have to deal with them. Bottom line, this is about taking care of yourself. If Mr. Man isn't helping you take care of yourself, you need to find someone who can. That's what people (at least this person) seeks in therapy.
Check out all the long comments. I don't think you'll be honest with your therapist unless you like/respect/relate to HER. That's right. You need to see a chick. I am a sexist, but I really think women therapists are better. So there.
E and I went through several therapists before we found one that worked for both of us. I'd go with recommendations from friends/family myself.
Oh--and you are just so hip. I think you've inspired me to, um, go shopping or something.
XO
I agree with Lonna, find someone else post haste. The number one red flag in a therapist, for me, is them giving me ANY of their opinion in the first few sessions. You know what you experience, and don't let any male therapist or otherwise tell you differently.
And in addition to the Rogerian/cognative therapy direction, I would also ask about a little bit of Gestalt. I just like the "experiential" here and now of it.
I had a piercing I had to leave out too. I'd love to get it again, but it would be painful.
I think that if you're intuition tells you that you need to see a woman, then you should follow that inkling (though I reject as sexist and deterministic any notion that a female therapist is simply "better"). And yeah, I'd definitely be suspicious of anyone who started offering a little too much "wisdom" before immersing in the long-term process of figuring out who the hell I am.
I miss my nosering. My hoops always got all bent up, 'cause I had to take them out for some shows and many of my day jobs. The corkscrew--if it's what I'm thinking it is--always looked good (I love a small, discreet silver ball, or, in one case, a little yin-yang symbol), but tended to cut and dig into the inside of my nostril, causing incredible discomfort.
I actually lost my nipple ring onstage during The Swan. While awaiting my (nude) entrance, cramped inside a box, I realized I still had it in. I carefully wrestled out, and left it sitting in the box from which I then burst forth. The pieces got separated, and I wasn't able to find all the components. It's probably for the best, since I'm taking grappling classes now (I'd hate to suffer a painful and bloody nipple loss in the course of my class).
Funny enough, my nose piercing has never healed to the point where I couldn't put anything in it, and I've gone as long as a year-and-a-half. My nipple, on the other hand, is closing up so fast you can almost watch it happen.
I want tattoos. At least 2 or 3 more tattoos.
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