9.15.2005

frustrated.

earlier this week, I had an appointment with my gynecologist. I had been doing fairly well with my IBS while I was pregnant and for a few months after bella was born. when I got my period, the IBS started up again with a vengence. it was then that I decided to really recognize the tie between my period and my worst episodes, and made a doctor's appointment.

so I go in, and the doctor diagnoses me right away with endometriosis. without looking at me or anything. it was plausible, because years ago, when I had a great gyno at planned parenthood, she mentioned that it might be the cause. so I went with it, really because I was eager to have some sort of name for what was going on. it sort of felt validating, much as it felt validating when they finally came out with the name "irritable bowel syndrome" instead of just "not being able to get off the can-itis". the endometrial tissue, he said, was probably either in a fine sheen on my colon, or entwined in the folds of my colon. therefore, inoperable. (an operation??) the best course of action is to get pregnant again. IS TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN. he must have said it like 6 times. I kept assuring him that no, I would not be getting pregnant again, can we move on? so the only other option, apparently, is to be on birth control. preferably something that doesn't have to go through the liver (ie, oral pills) to get to the eggs. so in went the nuva-ring. like, immediately. without my having a chance to even think about it.

incongruous paragraph, because I'm now remembering what he said: you know what the "cure" is for this, according to him? the problem is my period, apparently, so the solution is to not have a period. which was why he was so strong on the pregnancy thing. instead, he wants me to wear this nuva ring continuously instead of taking it out each month to get my period. he wants me to not have a period for about 6 months so that I won't have symptoms. wouldn't a better course of action be TO MAKE SURE THIS WAS THE PROBLEM and then TO TREAT THE PROBLEM AND NOT THE SYMPTOMS??

I said I had concerns about my milk supply. he said I was established enough so that it wouldn't matter. I said I was concerned about why I'm only finding out about this endometriosis thing now, and why no other doctor asked me about it even though I brought up my symptoms, while he was able to diagnose me immediately. he said it was because he's very well versed and very up to date on his endo knowledge. and then he told me not to read anything about it on the internet because there's alot of bad knowledge out there.

so I went home with the ring in, feeling sort of weird, and wondering if I made the right decision. the decision being to just allow it all to happen.

I immediately started clotting. (I already had my period.) cramping. bad enough that I went home early from work the next day. milk supply seemed okay. today, my period abruptly stopped, yet I still feel crampy. and I just returned from the lacation room having pumped 2 ounces of milk. I usually pump 6.

add to this that I was sitting there reading a publication (ie, a collection of practially mimeographed pages stapled together) from the local nursing mothers coalition, telling me that even if I smoke, I should still breastfeed, and mentioning that formula fed babies are stupider and sicker. I knew it was pure propaganda, but still.

I'm fed up. I hate my doctors, my pediatricians, and basically everyone who tells me stuff that is one sided and biased. why is it I can't seem to find a doctor who takes me seriously and isn't encased in some sort of bubble? why are breast feeding organizations so fucking all or nothing?

fuck this noise. the ring is coming out. I may have to have the toilet seat surgically removed from my ass, but damn it, the ring is coming out!!!!

ps, I was going to link to all kinds of helpful websites about ibs and endo and nuva ring and noise fucking but I am too frustrated to do any of that.

10 validations:

KATIEmagic said...

How totally frustrating. It's hard to find a doctor you really like, I think. I hate the feeling I get when I make a decision that doesn't really feel like my decision.

Hang in there, you'll find the right solution.

lonna said...

Oh Patrice, I'm so sorry. For some reason I'm always a little shell shocked at the ob/gyn's office too. I come out there thinking "what did I agree to?" If a doctor told me not to look things up on the internet I'd be very unsure of that doctor.

As for the breastfeeding, I'm as gung-ho as anybody, but my feeling is that you do what you gotta do. Dermot got formula at the beginning because I had no idea what I was doing. It took me 3 months to get things straightened out. The way I see it, after 6 months formula can be an extra type of food that is introduced. One bottle isn't going to do any harm. The biggest concern is at the beginning when the "gut" is developing. She might even be old enough to try some milk if you're comfortable with that and avoid formula all together. I know that she hasn't liked formula in the past. My lactation consultant always told me that some breast milk was always better than none.

Steph said...

Patrice... I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry you have to put up with that BS. It's so damn hard to find a doctor who will take you seriously and actually *encourage* you to research if you'd like to instead of being threatened by it. I hope very hard that you will get some answers and things will be better soon. I wish I had some sort of advice for you.

In answer to your question--we are supposed to leave for Hilton Head tomorrow... or we were until I called the car rental place near the airport(we're driving down) to verify our reservation, and they *happened* to inform me that although we've already paid, if we don't have a major credit card AND a roundtrip airline ticket to show at the counter, they won't rent to us. And no refunds. Clearly, I'm not going to buy an airline ticket in order to rent a car. I pleaded and raged and eventually burst into tears, much to my chagrin. This darn vacation has been too long coming for this kind of crap to stop it.

Long story short, we decided, f*ck it--we'll risk taking our rickety car 900 or so miles each way and I will personally leap out and replace the carburator if it comes to that.

Fingers crossed. We're still going to vacation, and I'm frenetically thrilled about it!

NME said...

Doctors can be SO frustrating. I feel they suffer the same problem as politicians - where they feel like they have to have a definitive answer even if they don't. However I'd rather have a Doctor tell me "Well it could be this, or that, or thing - but I think it is this so we'll try and treat it like that and see what comes of it."

When you told me about the ring I was surprised because I remember you having adverse reactions to different kinds of birth control in the past. If milk supply is a temporary problem you can get around it. Bella will adjust.

Katy said...

My friend just got an IUD put in and it totally kicked her ass. She was down for the count for like 3 days. Couldn't get out of bed down. I hate doctors, and hospitals, and all things related.

grody jo-dee said...

because doctors know EVERYTHING, right? without even looking. if i could run my life that way, i'd have it made.

amandak said...

I have finally resorted to taking lists to any and all doctor appointments. There's something about being in a doctor's office that turns my brain off and I ALWAYS walk out and realize as soon as I get in the car that I totally forgot to ask him about that one thing that was bugging me so much.

Don't be afraid to tell him that you want to try it your way, and if he doesn't listen, I'd think about finding a new doc. All doctors are most certainly NOT created equal.

amandak said...

p.s.

Thanks for the heads up on the St. John's Wort. In my experience, if I take it half ass, it can increase the mood swings, but when I'm on it regularly, it works pretty good. so far anyways.

Missuz J said...

Read it. Feel it. Fuck fucking male ob's with no cooter who think they know what the fuck when they so don't.

Kodi said...

I too struggle with the IBS, though not to the extent that you have. Birth control did make it better for me, but I HATE being on birth control. So, right before my period, I'm glued to the toilet. Cramps and a sore ass makes one a very angry girl.