vegas, a haiku:

heat and pleasing noise
strippers sing show tunes badly
I then run away

the nicest thing about leaving for 5 days is having 5 days' worth of blogs to read. I have alot of work ahead of me. it's going to take me a lil bit to catch up. but what I did see was the J-lady's blog where she, ahem, tagged me. okay then.

Complete five of the following statements, and then tag three others to do the same:
If I could be a musician, If I could be a doctor, If I could be a painter, If I could be a gardener, If I could be a missionary, If I could be a chef, If I could be an architect, If I could be a linguist, If I could be a psychologist, If I could be a librarian, If I could be an athlete, If I could be a lawyer, If I could be an inn-keeper, If I could be a professor, If I could be a writer, If I could be a llama-rider, If I could be a bonnie pirate, If I could be an astronaut, If I could be a world famous blogger, If I could be a justice on any one court in the world, If I could be married to any current famous political figure

if I could be a bonnie pirate? are you serious? well, I'm totally qualified to do this one, as I stayed at treasure island in vegas. so. if I could be a bonnie pirate, I'd make a law (pirates can make laws. look it up.) that says that no pirate shall ever be called bonnie ever again. and then I'd make johnny depp take me out to dinner. because we'd both be pirates.

if I could be a psychologist, I'd find out what it is about bonnie pirates that makes me so upset. what's the big deal about bonnie? it's not rooted in my mothering area of my subconscious, as my mom's name is mary jane, not bonnie. in fact, I only know one bonnie and I actually like her. so, what is up with bonnie-hating? not to mention all that juicy gossip. don't you ever get the feeling that your shrink totally goes to parties and tells stories about you?

if I could be a world-famous blogger, I'd totally cut the requirements for this list down to 3. or 2 if you're jet lagged. since people would listen to me and all.

if I could be an inn-keeper? who wrote this? and how did something from 1878 make it to the blogiverse? I guess if I could be an inn-keeper, I would...um...keep the...inn...from being....out.

and lastly, I'm going to take a little liberty here and add my own. if I could be a famous person, I would totally be katie holmes. and then I'd tell you what the fuck I am thinking these days.

so. now I "tag" someone, is that how it goes? okay. I tag sean, which is totally cheating but whatever (and he won't respond until next weekend) and I tag...um...jeez, jaws? I'm running out of people who weren't previously tagged, I think. she gets tagged for alot, and I haven't checked blogs in a week, but whatevs. and I tag YOU, THERESA - NOW YOU HAVE TO BLOG. ha! okay, just checked theresa's blog and she was already tagged. by jen o, who was my next choice. and theresa tagged jon. and I feel stupid even typing all this. so...I'm tagging myself. see above. now you're in an endless loop. how's that feel?

so thanks everyone for wishing me well on my trip. because you're dying to know, yes, I did win $18,058 on one $1 slot pull, and they put me up in a high-roller suite, and it was great and all, but I gave the money to a bum on fremont street because it was the devil's money. but I did keep $10 to play air hockey at the jillian's there. and I totally kicked jarrett's ass like 14 times, all on that same $10.

okay. no. so I spent a few dollars and didn't win much, but I did have fun, and nothing in vegas could hold a candle to the excitement I felt when I saw bella from across the terminal and when she saw me and broke out into the biggest grin I ever saw on her little chubby face. (side note: hold a candle? who holds candles? that's a tribute to jarrett, whose ass I kicked at air hockey.) I like being home. but I kinda wish everything had the ability to spit out money like a slot machine. like our stove or maybe the dishwasher. or my computer. or bella, better yet. she's spitting stuff out all the time, might as well be money.

it's good to be home...

7 validations:

NME said...

THANK GOD you are back. You make me smile. As does money shooting out of things. Like Noah's butt. Which reminds me - thanks for the prunes. And if you go shopping at all before you come here on Saturday, and they have anymore - we sure would appreciate them.

KATIEmagic said...

Welcome home!

Missuz J said...

A welcome home haiku for patrice

Vegas can be fun
Strippers, buffets, spectacles
But leaving is best

So glad you're back. Let us know about the high points.

Jaws said...

LOL I was so glad to see you back UNTIL YOU TAGGED ME! LOL

Glad your safe and well and your withthe family again.

What a recap.. Teeth walking.. tokens.. baby spit up... airports.. money... whew!

Katy said...

yay! patrice is back, my obsessive compulsiveness has missed you! Read missuzJ read Amanda, read NME, read patrice, WHAT? no new patrice news. damn, but now, horray! two patrices in one day. (insert happy dance here) that was almost a haiku...

M.Thom said...

YAY! Patrice is backed! I missed your smiling face (in your little thumbnail photo, I mean)!

M.Thom said...

What is backed? And can someone teach me to spell? And type?

I need a drink...