CAUTION, GIRL STUFF AHEAD

a couple of things.

1) bella started eating solids. yes, it's true. she's eaten applesauce (which sean calls "bobasauce") every day for about a week. she's eaten green beans, some sweet potatoes, some peas, and some pears, even a mouthful of pureed chicken, but mostly applesauce. NO CEREAL SHALL PASS THIS CHILD'S LIPS. I don't know why, she just hates it.

this is good and bad. it's good because as you all know, my milk supply has gone down. (and I just got an email from a friend giving me all kinds of tips - thank you, lonna, I'll be replying soon.) now I don't have to worry as much about my own supply being the only thing she's eating.

and it's bad because...well...because:

2) I got my period last night. it's been at least 15 months since I had my period last. I almost forgot what to do. I had to stand there and rummage around under the sink and reach waaaaaay back to find any girl stuff. what a freakin pain, so very very literally.

so the pressure is somewhat off, as far as feeding bella. she's eating breakfast and lunch and sometimes dinner consisting of solid foods. I usually offer to feed her milk first, and then when I know I'm dry and she's still hungry, we give her the solids. (why are they called "solids" anyways? it can't be because of the consistency. it must be because of the poop they produce. in which case, they should be called "solid and rank.")

I realized something else the last few days. (besides the fact that my pms has returned with a VENGENCE.) I am experiencing something completely different than I ever have before - peers with babies. people relatively my own age with children relatively the same age as mine. this too is good and bad. good, because I don't feel like the social pariah I once felt like with trent, and bad, because I have infinitely more things to compare myself to. and no matter how much one tries not to do that, one usually winds up doing it. even if it's just in their head and only fleeting. I think it's human nature. it is for me, anyways.

and one last "revelation" - one that I am still trying to wrap my head around. over the weekend, while wrestling with bella and pinching her by mistake and dropping her stuff and watching nicole and mark do tag team with noah...not to mention my whole rigamorole in the mornings when sean's not home and trent's not home...I got to thinking about this person I've been calling in my head "old patrice".

old patrice did all this stuff pretty much on her own. (god I hate third person, why did I walk down this road this way??) old patrice went through a hell of a lot of total shit without much support. old patrice got ready for school every day with a baby the same age as bella and never thought twice about it.

granted, there are alot of holes in my memory about those times. but I have to think that I did all that stuff because if I didn't, well, then, who did? so I guess I'm pretty proud of that person who seems so far removed from who I am today. I guess I have to thank her for being a good teacher. I think I should remember old patrice more often, and finally be as proud of her as I should have been all along.