murphy's law

a bad weekend. is it any surprise? I seem to be the walking embodiment of murphy's law. like william h. macy in "the cooler," shit seems to go wrong just by me being in the immediate vicinity.

I will say this though. friday was a good day. went to ross because trent informed me that suddenly none of his pants fit anymore. found crippety crap there. but then I went to kohl's on the off chance that something would be on sale (which is so stupid. they never NOT have a sale. I don't even know how they stay in business.) and of course everything was on sale. stuff was on sale for like 99% off. I got 2 pairs of shoes for $5 each. so friday was more or less a success...when you take away the part where I was at work.

saturday. janette's shower. at a bar. in chinatown. a baby shower in the balcony bar at the trocadero. (sidenote: when telling my dad about the shower, he and Kathy said "the old burlesque place???") so, bella's first bar. but before we even get to the shower, there's the whole fiasco of getting trent and bella and me ready, and dropping trent off at my dad's so he can stay over and go to cabela's on sunday with him and my nephew albert. blah blah blah we were late. and it was raining to end all rains. seriously like flood weather.

drop off trent and get to nicole's. instead of 40 leisurely minutes to spend preparing, I get there less than 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave. and they lock their door and could not hear me knocking 4 times and they have no awning so I was wet even before we started. foreshadowing anyone?

we try to take one car and put bella's carseat in their saturn. no dice - mark's legs are too long. so as we stand in the rain figuring out what to do, I say screw it and decide to take my car too. drive to the troc at 10th and arch. for some reason, everyone on earth is driving in chinatown. why?? was there something at the convention center we didn't know about???? because it wasn't supposed to be that hard. nicole calls my cell from her car right in front of me. how far do we want to walk? dammit, we gotta get in a paid lot, that's the only way. so we do. one that charges $18 if you're anywhere over 90 minutes. still, the walk is long enough that it's annoying. noah's in the bjorn but bella is in the stroller. I try to navigate a stroller with one hand (they are not meant to be steered by one hand) and with the other I try to both shelter bella from the rain with my umbrella and try to get under it myself. like that'll work.

we get to the troc at 2 like the invite said. I never realized that there are 4 million steps to the balcony. mark took the baby carrier and I folded up the stroller and we trekked up. all 4 people already at the venue looked at us as we entered looking like drowned rats. okay, I lie, it was 8 people.

so we sit at the highboy tables on bar stools. mark gets beers for him and nicole and a soda for me. wouldn't it be funny to take a picture with the babies pretending they are holding beers? and guess what happens next. luckily, no one was in the way of the spilled beer, except one of bella's toys. (sidenote: I just remembered that I had clipped that toy to her carseat and it reeks of beer. where is the carseat now? at daycare. in a very enclosed space that I'm sure is not used to smelling like beer.) ha ha, noah spilled a beer. we're in a bar. no biggie.

about 5 minutes later, bella's all "noah always gets to spill things and I NEVER do. no fair." and proceeds to spill my full soda. but to outdo noah, she made sure to spill it on someone. me. as nicole says, it's lucky I was wearing black pants so no one really knew but me that my entire right leg was completely soaked. wet, cold, and sticky, I tried to just smile about it. even as the ice in my sock melted.

so I said we got there at 2. I think janette and perry got there around a day later. I say that to make the actual time they got there seem sooner. now I'm not saying that to be mean - hell, if I had to drive from reading in that awful rain and was pregnant, I'd be telling people they're lucky they saw me at all. so I say THEY WERE REALLY LATE with love and respect and total understanding. but they were late. reallllly late.

so after janette mingled and several hours had gone by, and we finally watched her open presents, we were ready to leave. it seriously was raining cats and dogs. the thuds...they were awful. so much blood. so we decide to leave nicole in the lobby with the babies and go get our two separate cars from the parking garage and double park outside so the babies have minimal wetness. mark and I charge out to the parking garage. halfway there, I remember...I need the ticket to get out of the garage. I tell mark to keep going and I run back. I get the ticket. I set out again. I get halfway again and remember that they also ask for money. I run back to get money. by this time, I am so soaked that it no longer matters if I use my (crappy) umbrella or not.

I finally get my car, navigate to the troc, and park about a car's length away from the corner directly in front of a fire hydrant, put on my flashers, and become a fucking genius, in that I run into the lobby and get bella FIRST, put her in the car, which is running, and THEN go to get my stroller. this is where the story could have been really bad but I guess proves that I am somewhat lucky...because no one stole my car and baby. so thank you, gods. so there I am, soaked, I get in my car, and someone swings around the corner and parks about 2 inches behind me. I mean, I'm already illegally parked, but to park behind someone illegally parked? idiot!!! and of course it was some emo thrift-chic asshole checking to see what stupid band was playing next at the troc. and he left some passengers in his car. so I went forwardbackforwardbackforwardback a million times trying to get out of the spot and then I finally tapped his car. because it was 2 fucking inches behind me!!! what were my options, people? I gave his friends ample time to write down my license plate number so I guess I'll get to tell them in person that they are complete fools.

nicole had to lend me new pants and socks and I couldn't wear my coat home because it was too wet, even after letting it dry for 2 or so hours while the eggerts fed me and listened to my lunatic ravings.

got home, went to bed. looked forward to not getting out of pajamas all day on sunday because my dad was dropping trent off later in the day.

woke up the next morning to kathy calling me to tell me that the kids were NOT going to cabela's because the whole lot of them had spent the night bailing water out of my dad's basement. and could I come down to pick him up? what am I going to say, "no, sorry, I had a bad day yesterday and don't feel like travelling - sorry, you have to bring him to me even though you're 65 and stayed up all night doing bucket brigade." so I dressed myself and bella and went to get him. and helped with the bucket brigade. and took a sleepy trent and overtired bella to our next nightmare: costco.

I have never been to costco. do you know it costs $45 to be able to shop there? and I had to get a "business" account. because even though I could not find anyone remotely looking like a businessperson in there, apparently all the women with kids and old men in there were businesses. and everyone on earth had decided to go to costco yesterday. do you know you have to go in the exit to get a membership? seems like they might have signs there to tell you that BEFORE you get your cart and fight through literally throngs of people only to have someone yell "CARD!!!! WHERE'S YOUR CARD??????" before you find out you need some sort of card to get in.

you oughta see the picture that's on my costco card. a picture of a woman about to break. and I'll hand that over every single time I go to costco. so all 4 more times.

came home exhausted, waited impatiently for sean, ate expensive italian takeout that then had me in the bathroom for a half hour doubled over in pain, watched nancy drew the series season one (seriously) and then took a tossing and turning bella to bed. she woke up like clockwork every hour until my alarm went off. got to daycare late (with beer soaked toy) and rushed to work to get to my 9:30am meeting, which I found out minutes before it was to happen that it was cancelled.

welcome to my life, folks. it seems to only get better and better.

1 validations:

NME said...

I'm so sorry you were plagued by misfortune this weekend. And I'm sorry we didn't hear you knock at first - we were upstairs listening for the doorbell. But we very much enjoyed your wet, sticky company.