I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow. I am hoping that I will get to hear the baby's heartbeat, but I'm not sure if they do that this time or not. someone recently told me about something called a "molar pregnancy" - which I read can be a partial or whole molar pregnancy. a partial is when a fertilized egg starts out as a baby, but can't be sustained (usually because there are too many chromosomes - the sperm brings 46 along instead of the 23 that complement the egg's 23 chromosomes.) a whole or complete or whatever is when a fertilized egg doesn't turn into a baby at all, but a weird mass of cells that look like a bunch of grapes. that usually happens when the sperm doesn't bring any chromosomes or the egg doesn't have any. so the whole or complete or whatever's cells can spread to other areas of the body (most likely the lungs) and are considered cancer, and treated with chemo. either way, with a molar pregnancy, you need a d&c and to wait til your hcg hormones are down to 0 for a year until you can get pregnant. anyways, I had never heard of it, now I know, and now I'm freaked out that I might have one of them. they usually find out when they try to find a heartbeat and can't hear one.

I know I'm going to feel better when I have some sort of real proof that there's a child in there, and when I stop feeling so sick all the time.

mother nature is so funny. I don't remember ANY of this with my first child. or any pain. it's like you just...forget. that is, until it happens again, and then you're like..oh yeah, that sucked.

on the plus side, my prenatal yoga (thank you, nicole) is making me feel more in shape and I enjoy getting out. sometimes, it's the only thing I get dressed for all week.

my belly is getting bigger and a bit more firm and round. just a bit though. apparently, when you have a second or third or whatever child, your body remembers what it went through before and starts loosening the muscles in your abdomen and letting your organs move around alot earlier than the first child, so you start showing earlier. I'm trying to convince myself that it's not fat, but I'll find out for sure tomorrow when I go to the doctor. I am thinking I gained about 10 lbs this past month. no lie. if the doctor tells me I'm gaining too much, then maybe you'll all believe that I am fat. ha. a lonely, forlorn ha.

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