I'm sorry.

I write ridiculous posts, don't open them to comments, and then don't bother to come and resolve anything. I'm sorry.

things aren't really that bad. they never are. it's all relative, of course, but there are worse things in the world, I know.

bella is wonderful. she's actually currently a little sick, she's got this weird fever but no other symptoms (and it's ripping through daycare like wildfire) but she should be fine soon. she's very interested in all things "kissmiss" and we're going to decorate the house on saturday morning. yesterday, she decided to put a pull-up on her head like a hat. yes, I took pictures, and yes, someday, I will download them. she's a little jokester like that. she loves singing baa baa black sheep but lately she's been asking "have you any pizzas?" instead of wool.

she got alot of neat toys for her birthday, but her favorite things to play with right now are babies (or other dolls, like mickey mouse) and "blwankwets". and her stwrowler. she's using alot of extraneous w's in her speech, but I know that will go away. she takes her babies (or her dora the explora doll, which she loves because it has REAL HAIR) in and out of the stroller and gives them a little loving pat before dropping them back in the plastic stroller bassinette head first with an audible clunk and then throwing at least 2 blankets over their heads, and then pushing the stroller at top speed into a wall or door. she's a loving child.

she loves everything lately. I took her to the grocery store with me (which I typically don't do - it's just easier to do it when she's not around) and had to break open the couscous (blue's clues) fruit snacks when we had only gotten to aisle 4. she takes the pack and says "thanks, mom. I yov it. I yov it so much!" when we pass by kissmiss lights, she says "kissmiss! I yov it." but oddly, when you say "bella, I love you..." and think she'll say "I yov you too", she just says "okay."

and she loves to call me by my first name. mateese. mateese and sahn. and then she giggles and falls into a heap and says "I mean, mommy!"

trent...well...he's a good boy. I've realized that the reason he's been acting out in school (his study hall teacher had to call me and ask me to help with his behavior problem - one that landed him a detention yesterday) is because he doesn't socialize outside of school. he rarely goes to his friends' houses and never has friends over. not for my lack of trying. I'm always asking if he wants to go to the movies and take a friend. he never wants to. he's a homebody. but the problem is, he uses school as his social outlet (and he's quite social at school - his teacher could not believe that he's a homebody) and therefore cannot control himself. not that this helps solve the problem, but at least it helps to understand.

sean's 30th birthday is next thursday. last year, we both thought that it would be a big celebration for us, but things obviously have changed. though I am helping throw him a party, albeit very much after the fact (late january). if you have his email address, be sure to say something to him on dec 7, the day that will live in infamy as his 30th birthday.

sorry again for being so distant and mopey.