hi.

it's been a busy few days. week. whatev. I find myself just not equipped to deal. shocking. all I do here is bitch and moan, bitch and moan.

not everyone is supportive of my decision to begin dating. and to call a spade a spade, we're talking about jarrett. after both of us decided that we needed to get out of our marriages, we found that we...I'm not even going to finish the sentence. I don't feel like justifying anything. I wanted to say "I was never unfaithful to my husband" but I don't have to say that, do I?

jarrett came to bella's party where he met some of my friends for the first time. for the most part, it went well, with most of my friends. I was concerned about my friend kristen. we'd been friends since first grade and have seen each other through alot. I think I've mentioned her here before. anyway, sean and I set her up with sean's first college roommate, brian. they hit it off. that was a few years ago, and thus they came to bella's party with their new son, mason. but since brian is a good friend of sean's, I wasn't sure what would happen. they both were gracious and kind at the party, and afterwards via email, I asked kristen if she were upset or disappointed in me. and she said "of course I'm not. I'm totally happy for you. I just want you to be happy and jarrett seems like a really nice guy." that was it. nothing more than a genuine want to see me happy, no matter what choices I make.

sean's been very supportive, as well. we've talked about it for a few weeks now. he's comfortable with jarrett, likes him, and thinks he'll treat me well. he's a big man, sean. he and I sat down to talk last week about where we are. he knows I'm serious about jarrett and he told me how he's been on quite a few dates, dating back to about 2 months or more ago. (shows me that I shouldn't worry so much - I was dreading telling him about my situation and he was dating already anyways.) he's less successful than he'd like, but he's ready to be out there and dating and trying to "get something going" as he says.

I was invited to noah's birthday party at nicole's mom's house in quakertown over the weekend, and I talked with sean beforehand about bringing jarrett. and then I talked to jarrett about going and seeing people he's never met in a somewhat awkward situation. both of them were okay with jarrett coming, so he accompanied me to the party. I think it went well, but I haven't had alot of feedback. sean thought it went fine and so did jarrett. it was very stressful for all of us but I guess you have to get through these things.

it's important for me to start being more open about things. I find that I am very closed off from alot of my friends and family lately because I don't feel like I can share everything with everyone. now, I feel like just about everyone is up to speed with me, more or less, and my relationship with both sean and jarrett. I try to think that the people this impacts the most - my kids, sean, and jarrett - all are supportive and are fine with it. I just wish everyone was. it's cost me dearly, following this path, and I thought there was a way back from that. it doesn't seem there is. but I've learned some things about myself and about other people and I guess I'm growing because of it. or something.