10.30.2006

Dear World,

I have something to tell you. I have been afraid to tell you because I'm afraid of what you might think of me. but it's been a long 3 months and it's been difficult to pretend nothing is going on.

I am seeing someone. it is difficult for me to say that for 2 reasons. one, I don't want you to think I left my husband for someone, because that's just not what happened. two, I feel like it's something that should either be happy or sad, but not happy AND sad, which it kind of is. sad because my marriage is ending. happy because I'm seeing someone I enjoy spending time with.

it's all very complicated, but I can't go on pretending that I'm not dating. because that has its inherent ups and downs, and this is supposed to be a place to air things out and get some perspective.

I'm very nervous about how you perceive me. because I know that this isn't the most ideal situation...ideally, I would have waited until my divorce was final, and then another arbitrary amount of time for decorum's sake. but sometimes things just don't work out that way.

I know that it seems like I rush things. and I know no one will take me serious if I say that this is something that is serious. so I don't tell you for fear that you'll judge me. and it hurts to know that you think I don't know what I'm doing or that I did something wrong.

I know you only want the best for me and that you want me to be happy. I guess I can't always live up to your expectations and that both makes me sad and a little angry. because on one hand, I don't want to disappoint you. and on the other hand, I feel like this is my life and my choices shouldn't be held up to anyone's standards. unless I'm like committing a crime or something. which I don't think I am.

all I want is for you to just accept my life for what it is and to let me live it the best way I know how, and to be there to listen and even though the choices aren't what you'd make, that you can allow me to make them anyway without judgement. I know that's a very big request and that not everyone can accommodate that. but I think that's what friends are for, aren't they? I like to think I'd do the same for you, should the tables be turned.

so now it's out in the open. I guess I can't stop you from being upset with me or thinking I'm doing the wrong thing. but at the very least, I'm being truthful about my life, like it or not.

I'm sorry.

13 validations:

the beige one said...

Relax, kid. This lifetime is a once in a lifetime deal, and as such, you gotta live it so that you don't have regrets later on. If judgement happens, and is expressed, you have to consider the source...What are they missing in their lives? Just be prepared to admit being wrong, to yourself if no one else, if you eventually find that to be the case.

Otherwise, please live, responsibly, of course, but live.

Love,

The World

jon said...

Uh...yeah, no duy. I assume this is the guy you banged out your bumper with? Teehee.

~A~ said...

Take that back. Don't be sorry.

It's not like you committed mass murder. Shit girl, take a little happy for once and don't worry about what the world will think.

But then again, I'm the queen of moving on after divorce. *LOL*

I just want to read more happy updates. :D

xoxo

Stine said...

Wrestle with what you need to wrestle with, and then take care of your needs. What we think it immaterial.

You are supported and loved more than you realize.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear you have found someone that is making you happy, at least for the time being. Is it serious? Don't be sorry, no one is judging you here. It is your right to do what makes you happy, regardless of who thinks you haven't waited long enough. How long is long enough anyway? What makes six months long enough but three or four months not enough? It is all arbitrary in the first place.

lonna said...

I'm just glad that you are blogging again. I was getting worried about you. I didn't know if it would have been intrusive to ask you what was going on. Anyway, I, of course, agree with everyone else. What is is, and if it's right, it's right. How Zen of me. Seriously, I hope that this person makes you happy.

Kodi said...

I have 2 things to say.
1. Good for you
2. I know it's hard, but do what you want, and to hell with the nay sayers

KATIEmagic said...

If you're happy, I'm happy for you.

HAPPY BELLAWEEN!!

amandak said...

Don't be sorry.

All anyone here wants is for you to be happy.

Screw anyone who thinks or acts otherwise.

Kat said...

In all politeness...screw the world. You don't have to make it happy, just yourself.

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Missuz J said...

What they said!

OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...

Big Hug! I'm glad if "someone" makes you happy or feel good about yourself then go for it!

How do the kids feel about it?

(I'm so far behind in reading - dumb boss thinks I should work during the work hour)