Dear World,

I have something to tell you. I have been afraid to tell you because I'm afraid of what you might think of me. but it's been a long 3 months and it's been difficult to pretend nothing is going on.

I am seeing someone. it is difficult for me to say that for 2 reasons. one, I don't want you to think I left my husband for someone, because that's just not what happened. two, I feel like it's something that should either be happy or sad, but not happy AND sad, which it kind of is. sad because my marriage is ending. happy because I'm seeing someone I enjoy spending time with.

it's all very complicated, but I can't go on pretending that I'm not dating. because that has its inherent ups and downs, and this is supposed to be a place to air things out and get some perspective.

I'm very nervous about how you perceive me. because I know that this isn't the most ideal situation...ideally, I would have waited until my divorce was final, and then another arbitrary amount of time for decorum's sake. but sometimes things just don't work out that way.

I know that it seems like I rush things. and I know no one will take me serious if I say that this is something that is serious. so I don't tell you for fear that you'll judge me. and it hurts to know that you think I don't know what I'm doing or that I did something wrong.

I know you only want the best for me and that you want me to be happy. I guess I can't always live up to your expectations and that both makes me sad and a little angry. because on one hand, I don't want to disappoint you. and on the other hand, I feel like this is my life and my choices shouldn't be held up to anyone's standards. unless I'm like committing a crime or something. which I don't think I am.

all I want is for you to just accept my life for what it is and to let me live it the best way I know how, and to be there to listen and even though the choices aren't what you'd make, that you can allow me to make them anyway without judgement. I know that's a very big request and that not everyone can accommodate that. but I think that's what friends are for, aren't they? I like to think I'd do the same for you, should the tables be turned.

so now it's out in the open. I guess I can't stop you from being upset with me or thinking I'm doing the wrong thing. but at the very least, I'm being truthful about my life, like it or not.

I'm sorry.