hi, yeah, I know


the project - it is launched! thank god. my life is a whirlwind of worry and overanalyzation. I've been driving myself nuts. and I haven't been back to see Therapist George yet, and he's getting angry with me. I don't blame him. I don't always follow through well.

not much to report thus far, really. like I said, I'm still driving myself nuts and hating myself for being so stupid about things. bella is adorable as always. I took her into work the other day and she charmed everyone. she was wearing all black, her black and pink skull shoes, and her pink tutu skirt. how can you not love that?? she and I are going with jarrett and ethan (our new buddies) to see a movie at the king of prussia imax theater. (didn't I once go on a tangent about how there are places around here that are steeped in revolutionary history and how cool that is when I stop to think about it? was king of prussia the town I was talking about then? it might have been valley forge, I don't remember.) should be fun, I hope, unless she wants to get down and run around like she usually does in movies.

trent....well, I try to remember that trent is 13 and that things can't always be smooth. did I tell you about the phone fiasco? he was grounded for a while for that. (if I didn't, it was that he went to a friend's house and didn't keep his phone on him and therefore I was forced to freak out not being able to get ahold of him for hours on end.)

yesterday, he told me at 10 minutes to 6, and while I was trying to make dinner for bella and get ready to take him to soccer practice at 6:30 (after having just arrived home and not even taken off my coat yet) that oh yeah, tonight is parent's night at his school. yeah, and it's at 7. I have never missed a parent's night until this year. I was so pissed. he knew for a week and just didn't bother mentioning it. today, his only job is to take his 3 teacher recommendation forms he has to get filled out in order for him to be in the junior honor society and give them to 3 teachers that are willing to fill them out. the paperwork has to be in by tuesday so I wanted him to take them today so they have the weekend to fill it out (though he got it early this week). now, I told him that if he doesn't get it done, I'm going to be more mad at him than I've been in a really long time because I was taking the time to tell him how important it was. so...we'll see.

it's been a lot of little things with him. I think most of you with kids might not be able to relate just yet cause yours are little (old mother hubbard and rebecca may get it though) but it's just so frustrating to...


I'm going to sound just like my mother, I think. fuck.

well, I'll say it anyways. it's frustrating to say the same thing over and over to trent and have him just not listen. I get where he's coming from, because to him, these things are stupid, but to me, it's like - dude, I know you think it's dumb, but just do me a favor and TAKE NOTICE IF THE THINGIE IN THE SINK IS BLOCKING THE DRAIN AND IT'S FILLING UP WITH DIRTY WATER WHEN YOU'RE "RINSING" YOUR DISHES. not hard. he said "I thought it would just go down eventually." well, no, when you pour out your chocolate ice cream and a half can of orange soda into my white porcelain sink and it doesn't go anywhere for 30 seconds, it's not going to anytime soon. and by the way? I didn't find it till THE NEXT DAY. it's just little stuff like that. it's especially annoying now that I'm running that house by myself. it's not a big house, but with a shedding cat and drooling dog and a toddler and a man-child, it's tough to keep up. so when I find a white sink filled with a brownish orange goo in it and then rinse it out and see that it's stained and now I have to bleach it, in addition to making dinner and trying to make things seem like they're fine, just fine....it's aggravating.


I hope you all have a great weekend...

3 validations:

NME said...

That image of Bella is so cute that it almost overpowers the sickening orangey browny sweet sludgy glump that I am trying really hard to forget. Ummmm... but I think that might stick with me for awhile.

Well - teen-y and mom-annoying is one thing - but GOD, qualifying for the junior honor society - he's such a great kid. I remember when my mom was on my back about all the stupid crap that I did I would just fume thinking "GOD - what if I gave her something REAL to complain about. She doesn't know how good she's got it." I'd dream of becoming addicted to drugs or coming home with a tattoo at 15 so she wouldn't yell at me about how I loaded the dishwasher.

jon said...

When I was Trent’s age, I was pretty much a dick to my mom, and it wasn’t just because I thought things were dumb. For me it was more because there’s all this fucked up shit going on at school that you really just want to leave at school and not think about at home…bullies, asshole teachers, girls, all sorts of pressure to succeed and compete, etc. Then there’s all this fucked up shit going on at home that you want to leave there and not bring with you to school...shuttling back and forth between parents, your dad’s new girlfriend that you don’t really like, your sister’s crazy ex-boyfriend who keeps showing up and threatening her, etc. So you’re trying to balance these things, or keep them separate, and it’s making you more than a little crazy. But you can’t show that weakness so you keep it inside. And you’re being a dick to your mom because your instinct is to push away, to retreat, to check out. And your mom knows you’re being a dick but she can’t figure out why so she wants you to see her therapist but her therapist is horrible so you feel pretty much alone. And you retreat inside of your own head because that’s really the only place you can go and you just kind of shut everyone else out and wait and wait and wonder if you’ll ever be sane again. And then college comes and you’re able to get away and focus and figure shit out. Or at least, that was my experience.

Good luck!


OldMotherHubbardSharesAll said...

Wow - Jon I'm thinking things are deeper for you than for Trent. We have real issues if Bella's crazy ex-boyfriend is showing up!

I remember pre-teen early teen - crap late teen years as being rough. My thinking that my mom just doesn't get it and how did she ever manage to become in charge. I also remember thinking wow my kids don't get how things can effect your whole future i.e. The junior honor society. So it is a mom's job to make sure he does the important stuff - like teachers recommendations, keeping up with his phone as promised, making sure the sink drains. It's also your job not to choke him for rolling eyes - stomping off and being so bullheaded.......
sorry this post brought back issues for more than just JON.

Your doing fine just keep on plugging away - and some day when they have kids of their own acting just like them you get to nod your head in understanding (and laugh out loud when your alone!)