where has the time gone?

hi. remember me? sorry.

let's start with the weekend. friday night - debacle. I was to go see my friend kristen (who is due tomorrow with her first child) for dinner and then go slightly late to trent's baseball game. while at kristen's house (about 5 miles from where the game was to be held), the skies opened up and all the water left in heaven spilled out. I called brett at 7, game start time, to find out if it was cancelled or what. no answer. we ate dinner and had conversation, I saw their basement mid-remodel and the new nursery. I called about every 15 mins to brett's cell. nothing. the rain came harder. I called sean - confirmed it was raining in lansdale. I figured there was no way that they were playing (the lightning alone) so I stayed a while, calling brett over and over. I left shortly before 9 and finally got brett on the phone. I asked where the hell he'd been. he said "I was coaching a baseball game - DID YOU FORGET??" and I said no, I didn't forget, it is raining like crazy and I figured the game was called. and since I had told trent 3 times that I was coming to the game late, the last time being at 5pm, I figured he knew I was coming and hadn't "forgot". I don't forget my child's gametimes. brett and I argued for a while, him insinuating I had better things to do and that I neglected my son's game, which turned out to be the last game of the season since it was the loss that booted them out of the final tournament. trent was listening, so when I got home, he pretty much said the same exact thing as brett did, crying because he wasn't trying to make me feel bad like brett was - he was feeling like I really did forget him. he stormed to his bedroom and called brett from his cell phone and asked if he could stay at his house because he "really didn't feel like being here". I'm not even going to defend myself anymore. I give up.

saturday. I got trent to a soccer teammate's house so he could go to day 1 of his soccer tournament at fort dix. I kept bella home with me because I figured it would be difficult to wrangle her without brett, who also wasn't going because he had a wedding to attend. bella and I did random stuff and I watched jarhead.

sunday. sean offered to take bella so I could go to the second day of the soccer tournament without worrying about her. we got there around 9:30am and it was freezing. he played 2 games and I got into a minor altercation with an old man from the opposing team. what an asswipe that dude was. I love old men - have a penchant for them - but this guy...this guy, I wanted to pummel. luckily, it didn't come to fisticuffs.

monday. that's yesterday already. sean had bella, I made dinner for friends.

today. I just balanced my checkbook for the first time. yes, I'm 32 years old and I never balanced my checkbook before. it's because I am a wimp. I also paid all the bills that were due before I get paid next. feeling pretty good about that.

in divorce news, sean read over the agreement and had no problems or questions. so we go to sign it and the divorce petition on thursday. the agreement goes into effect immediately, and we wait the 90 days for the divorce. I'm not sure how I feel about it. it's quick - to be sure - but I'm more comfortable with the idea of it. I'm starting to allow myself to feel good again without feeling too guilty. here and there.

today, bella counted to 10 while I took her to daycare. she skipped 5. I still think it's pretty good. she's been talking up a storm lately, surprising everyone with her vocabulary. I'm always saying "where did she learn THAT?" I think it's because me and sean and trent talk so much.

last night, after I picked her up from sean's, I put her in her bed. she climbed up into mine to give me a hug and a "tiss". she asked where daddy was. then she said "sean." as I tried to formulate an answer that wouldn't make me cry, she said "daddy's house. daddy's at home." so I just hugged her and we went to sleep.