I used to...but now I...

missuzj gave us a writing assignment wherein you have to take 2 times in your life and compare them by using the phrases "I used to" and "but now I". I wanted to blog about it because this is precisely why I started this blog in the first place.

I began writing this blog (at the urging of friends) because I was pregnant again after an 11 year hiatus. I was really interested to explore the differences between then and now. and I never really did it...not specifically. I guess I do every day, but in a subtle way.

anyways, here's my homework:

I used to be afraid of what kind of mother I'd be, but now I am afraid that I won't be as patient as I was the first time around.

I used to wonder how I'd tell if trent were teething, or if he was happy, or how to gauge my parenting skills, but now I have the benefit of experience...11 years of experience, through potty training and first days of school...to help me through.

I used to buy copious amounts of toys at christmastime, but now I have no idea what to get my son AND I buy copious amounts of toys at christmastime.

I used to put my infant son on his belly to sleep, but now I freak out if I find my infant daughter anywhere but on her back.

I used to worry about just living day to day and providing for trent from hour to hour, but now I worry about day to day, hour to hour, and college.

I used to think I wasn't doing it right at all, but now I know I won't ever know if I'm doing it right and I don't really care.

I used to have 60 thousand stretch marks, but now I have 800 thousand.

I used to think I wanted a few more kids, but now I realize I have enough.

(sidenote, I had to run to the bathroom just now. I overheard a woman talking to another woman, one of whom was pregnant. besides the obvious ridiculous comments like "I know you've only got 2 weeks to go, I can tell because I see you've dropped" [which, blow me, even if you're my OB, you have no fucking clue] the woman was saying that she didn't understand why people were potty training their children so late. that some people are waiting until their kids are 2 and three years old. she blamed it on too many mothers working. first of all, we're in a work bathroom. second, you're talking to a person who is pregnant, working, and planning to continue to work. she actually then went on to say that the appropriate time for training a boy is 22 months, and a girl is 18 months. christ almighty.)

I used to think I knew nothing about raising kids, but now, apparently, I know it all.

but my favorite is:

I used to think I had only enough love for one child, but now I know that each child just makes your heart bigger.