9.06.2005

jesus is coming. look busy.

it's 11pm and bella is nestled in sean's hairy arms, so I'm just down here at the computer at home happily reading away. before I retire for the night finally, I wanted to share with you a nice passtime I now have while on my way to work.

I was stuck in traffic behind a car that had a license plate holder that said:


yes. that's it. that line with the comma at the end. apparently it's a thing with the UCC people. the fun part is making up the line that follows that now-infamous comma. I had like 30 things thought up that were totally brilliant, which of course I totally can't remember now.

I know some of you out there are religious, so please don't take this as a diss. and all you godless monsters out there, quit drinking blood for a second, step out of the pentagram, and just have some fun. here's a few I scrounged up, please add your own in comments.

GOD IS STILL SPEAKING,
so shut the fuck up.
but I think it's in portuguese.
and I am still in traffic, so nothing much has changed.
and yet you continue talking, so now you get a time-out.
yes, still, totally, I know, like, take a break already.
so please don't cut the microphone.
but only to the whites.
but can I have the rest of your burger?
you fucking heretic.
but only I can hear him.
and he wants to know if you saw his keys laying around.

I can't think of any of my good ones, though. dammit. once I post this I know I'll totally remember some. anyways, how bout you guys?

13 validations:

Kodi said...

So very happy you have returned. I'm glad you're trip was fun. We missed you terribly. My favorite of your God is speaking was the "you fucking heretic". Perfect. Here are some I came up with offhand
God is speaking,

and she wants waffles for breakfast

and all I hear is blah,blah,blah,blah

and he wants you to pull his finger

mother fucker

We haven't seen those signs in Utah yet, but I'm sure we will soon with some variation on them. For instance....
The Prophet is speaking,
or
Read the Book of Mormon now, you mindless drones.

Marksthespot said...

God is still speaking,

...why don't we have caller ID?
...but can he drop mad science over dope tracks?
...so we're breaking away to join Dancing with the Stars already in progress.
...but all he keeps saying is "itmihuk."

Jen O. said...

You couldn't think of your "good ones"? All of them were good. I LOL'd. I can't think of any! I tried, but the Dancing with the Stars reference was already taken.

beanspot said...

...but no one is listening because he's like that annoying person at the party who just keeps rambling incoherent nonsense and complete lies to make himself look good, when in reality he's not.


...but plagiarized his ideas from others.

(I could do this all day and just get more and more cynical)

grody jo-dee said...

God is speaking,

but la la la la, i'm not listening.

and He wants me to do WHAT?

glad you had a good vacation...welcome back.
that is the longest word verify i have ever done! xsprmbli

lonna said...

God is still speaking,

and it's rude to interrupt me.

and s/he won't shut up!

but I'm trying to sleep.

and it takes obnoxious assholes like you to tell me what he's saying.

Enough! Welcome back. I'm glad that everyone had a good time.

NME said...

but only about Vince Vaughn.

he didn't hear the band trying to signal him to wrap it up.

he's doing a standup routine.

but only through his blog.

Katy said...

I laughed out loud in my computer systems class...not good. Luckily the Hottt teacher just figured he had made a funny and grinned at me. OK, God is still speaking,

-What do you mean still?
-But my line is busy.
-Will you please put me on the do not call list?
-and she wants you to pick up tampons.
-and he needs directions.
-and he says to say hi.
-on wednesdays at 7

Hehehehe

KATIEmagic said...

You guys are so funny, I too laughed out loud.

....Out of his ass

Rebecca said...

Okay, my favorite is Katy's: "God is still speaking, and she wants you to pick up tampons." I don't think I can top that. Those are awesome.

Man, a week with no posting and now three at once-- amazing! I'm glad you had fun on vacation.

Lois said...

Just wanted to say "hi".
Thanks for the birthday wish on Beth's Blog.
Hope all is well.

Carol said...

God is still speaking,

and unfortunately, George Bush is still listening.

Rebecca said...

This is in response to your comments on my blog-- so you're living vicariously through me, hmmmm? My life isn't all that interesting, but if it entertains you, go for it.

As for posting my writing on my blog, I'd like to, but I do hold hopes (however foolish they may be) of getting published one day, and most markets don't want pieces that have already appeared on the Internet-- even on a personal blog. I had this same conversation with another reader of my blog, ray ray, a while ago, and he said I didn't have to TELL potential pusblishers that I'd posted my writing online, but I'd rather be honest about it.

If you're really interested, you can always email me (link is in my profile) and I could send you the cookie story that way, but it's nothing special.