6.03.2005

grumpy old (wo)men

I feel sick. not like this, or like this, but like...well...this. because of this. and this. there. if you really don't want a little too much information, don't click on those links. my stomach feels like I had one of these filled with this, and I'm tired and cranky.

here's the vegas dilemma:

I don't want to leave bella. I have been agonizing over leaving bella. I haven't been able to be remotely excited about visiting las vegas because I've been agonizing over leaving bella. there are 4 options:

  1. don't go at all
  2. go as planned
  3. go and leave sean behind
  4. go with sean and take bella

1 and 2 aren't really feasible. (well, 1 definitely isn't; 2 is the dilemma itself.) sean doesn't like 4 because he feels like it would be a waste - we wouldn't be able to do anything at night. and he's right. someone suggested that the concierge would certainly arrange for childcare in the evenings. a) cost and b) stranger? I'm having difficulty leaving her with family!

and let me clarify - it's not that I don't trust my father and stepmother to watch her. it's that I can't bear the thought of her missing BOTH her mommy and daddy for 5 days, being in a strange house, and being with people who, only because of proximity and not because of knowledge, do not know exactly what she wants when she wants it. now, if she were a little older, things would be different. but she's just learning about mommy going away and coming back, and I just don't feel like going away for 5 days is going to help that process. whatever. I am not going to justify it anymore - I just can't do it.

so. sean's actually the one who offered not to go. our tickets are non-refundable, but for $100, we can reuse the tickets. I told sean that he and trent could use the money to buy tickets to atlanta, where we were supposed to go in july. I'd stay behind with bella. it'd be a boys weekend, since the trip itself is to see a college friend of sean's.

I guess it's not a dilemma since I know what we're likely going to do. the real dilemma is how to tell my dad and stepmother without them thinking I find them inept. suggestions?

up this weekend - a new jersey festival at sean's dad's house, and an early birthday party. it seems my mom and sister have decided to come over on sunday for roughly 7 hours, bringing things to make pot roast and a cake. fine by me. I don't ever turn down birthday stuff. and I guess this year's birthday week will be extended to a birthday half-month, which is also fine by me. I'll be in vegas on my birthday anyway - without my husband or either of my kids. it makes me so sad. I just want to take everyone with me...

7 validations:

Marksthespot said...

You'll be in Vegas without your husband and kids but, on the plus side, with the male escorts.

As for the jilted baby sitters, I don't think they'll be offended if you just say what you said to us: It seemed like a good idea when you were planning, but now you realize Bella's just not ready to be away from both parents that long. It's totally reasonable.

NME said...

I thought with your milk production back up that you wouldn't be getting your period again. Guess not?

I don't blame you at all for deciding to have Sean stay home. Though I think taking her is an excellent idea too. It's not like you guys are all night partiers anyway. And Vegas is 24-7 the same. You don't gamble or drink - and will mostly be just touring the strip anywho - you can do that with her. And it will certainly be more fun with their company than all alone.

Kathy should be understanding. Just say Bella is having some stranger issues (embellishment) and you just don't feel comfortable leaving her in a completely foreign situation for 5 days. And if Kathy isn't understanding - she'll have to get over it.

lonna said...

Dermot is almost 16 months and other than day care he hasn't been away from at least one of us. I can't even imagine yet dropping him off with strangers. Some of that is because our families are so far away.

I agree with Mark. At the time you thought that Bella could handle it and it would be a good idea. Now that the time is near, it seems like Bella needs some continuity in her life. The baby always comes first, and I think that they agree with that.

We had to miss Christmas with my family last year because Dermot had just gotten over a cold, and I just didn't want him exposed to a bunch of new people right after he had gotten over it. My parents agreed whole heartedly which surprised the hell out of me.

Good luck

Missuz J said...

If you end up in Vegas by yourself, I think you should definitely indulge in several spa treatments. (If I were clever, "spa treatments" would be a link to a woman relaxing in a sauna with cucumbers on her eyes and one of those weird towel turbans around her head.) I think taking Bella would be fine--except for 2 things. 1--Vegas in the summer is UNBELIEVEABLY HOT. 2--All of the casinos are SO smokey. Even as an ex (ok--not ex, but almost ex) smoker, the second hand smoke sometimes gets to me. If you're not staying in a casino though, and keep her inside and cool, you guys could probably have a really nice time.

Jaws said...

Whats the point of all going if your gonna be a mess the whole time your there.. do what you feel is gonna be the best for Bella and yourself and family.

With each one of my little ones I didn't let any one watch them till they where 2. I just didn't want to. Strangers no way. I am one of those people that won't even let my kids go to school on the bus.

What to tell them? Tell them you changed your mind and you and she both are not ready for it yet. (points back at my first paragher) If you all aren't ready you aren't. They had kids (points at you) they should be able to understand am sure!

Rebecca said...

I agree with NME and Jaws on this one. Just tell them that neither you or Bella are ready for the 5-day absence from one another.

On an unrelated note, thanks for linking me (and saying you don't think I'm an idiot)!!!!

Kelly said...

I agree with Nicole. And I'd like to say thanks to those of you who, in the same comment, listed daycare teachers and strangers as separate groups of people. We really do try to become more than "some lady you hand your kid to." I'm just glad some of my colleagues are accomplishing this.