got milk? all over the floor?

I do!!

2 stories that are crappy for me, funny for you:

1. so I'm upstairs in the glorified bathroom stall that is our lactation "room" (sidenote: the response to the email? "I am forwarding your comments on to Hrpersonwhowon'tgiveashit, and we'll let you know if we decide to make changes.") and I'm pumping my brains out. 6 ounces later, the goddamn storage cup, which does NOT have enough threads on it to properly screw onto the pump, pops off. splish splash I was takin' a bath in my own goddamn milk. first, ew. even though I feed this stuff to the baby and it makes alot more sense than cow's milk, which is breastmilk for calfs, breastmilk is kinda grody. and it was everywhere - even in my shoe. but that's not the biggest issue here - 6 OUNCES OF PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS LIQUID GOLD, GONE. I have a deadline. I have to have tons of milk produced by June 12, when we leave for vegas. (which reminds me, a post for another day - the vegas dilemma.)

so yeah. I guess that's not funny for anyone. but this one is...in a sick, twisted, fetishist way:

2. picture it, lansdale - 2005. (shout out to the GGs!) anyways, so trent, bella and I are outside on saturday watching a storm roll in. oooo, look at the storm! look at the...wait...what's this on my white tank top? it's all over my cardigan, too. and...hey! my hand! it's all green!! yes, it's what you're thinking. unless you're thinking of boogies, in which case...no. full on catastrophic level 9 diaper blowout, all over me. and all over bella. emergency bath ensued, after changing her diaper while laying her on a receiving blanket that then had to be thrown away, it was just that shitty. then, la la la, we're in the bath...remember that storm we were watching? as I was wiping green baby shit off my shoulder (how did it even get...??) I heard crashing downstairs. but what can you do? so when we were finally done getting everyone clean and changed, we assessed the damage from open windows: one broken glass, one broken lamp, one antique wooden vanity that was completely soaked, 2 feet of kitchen floor puddled in front of the back door, everything on the back window sill knocked into the dirty sink, everything on the kitchen counter in front of the window scattered on the floor, and one bottle nipple chewed by one freaked out dog. the upside - later there was a rainbow. with a lovely shade of green that matches my now-stained white tank top.

and with that, I bid you good day.

7 validations:

lonna said...

6 ounces!? Boy do I feel for you. That was one entire feeding for Dermot at Bella's age. I cried the few times that I lost 1 or 2 ounces. My freezer stash never got beyond 12 ounces, and that was a great day.

I never tried the via system. It didn't look sturdy enough to me. I'm sorry that it came off of the pump.

I'm glad that there was a rainbow on Saturday after all that your family went through. Storm and a blow out? Just not fair.

amandak said...

damn, that definitely gives new meaning to the phrase, 'when it rains it pours.'

p.s. I'd hate to see a level 10 blowout, yikes.

Missuz J said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Missuz J said...

I tried to comment, but nothing I said seemed ok. I guess I'm speechless.

Jaws said...

OMG.... LOL I am sorry yes I was laughing at the first part.

Second part omg.. I laughed harder.. although I hope you all are ok..LOL

(hands you a piece of cheesecake)

M.Thom said...

I am sorry to have to admit that I am laughing. In my defense, I have never had a baby. However, kids I used to baby-sit have shit on me from time to time...so I feel that pain.

KATIEmagic said...

I'm so sorry about your house! At least it's fixable right?