sorry, no sunshine and lollipops here

prepare yourselves for the insane rantings of a severely hormonally imbalanced bored-yet-oddly-busy person.

so every day, I read stuff about other people and their lives, all through the magic of blogs. while I am always pleasantly surprised by most of my "regulars," I am constantly amazed by the sheer amount of drivel out there, not that I am writing shakespeare myself or anything. I tend to just roll my eyes at things that don't seem to harmonize with exactly what I'm feeling at the time - or things that are just overly sappy and insipid. (don't read too far into this statement...I'm not talking about any of you.)

sometimes I get my ire up though - and this post here on dotmoms came at just the right time, when I had already been contemplating "old patrice."

I am sure that this peyton person is only getting the brunt of my pms (or is it dms - during menstrual syndrome?) -induced psycopathy, but good head on my shoulders so I wasn't promiscuous as a way to explain away not having gotten pregnant unintentionally? okay, there are certainly arguments on both sides, but would you REALLY say something like that after someone commented that they were a single teenaged mother? sure, it's thoughtless and likely unintentional, but would you feel okay about someone posting about how only careless mothers children die of SIDS after someone comments on how they lost their child to SIDS? I mean, really.

want to know what else I hate? my brain. right now, I am sitting here trying to figure out how I am able to justify wearing these leather boots I have on with - and I can't believe I'm typing this - my new gaucho pants from target, while simultaneously wondering about organic baby food, after having spent at least 2 times longer than I should have picking out cardboard-applicator tampons. meanwhile, the amount of disposable diapers we go through is abhorrent. it's so...on the one hand, there's the other hand. and it's all my brain's fault. can't I just be happy with the fact that there are tampons and diapers to keep me from the messiness that is the human body?? why can't I be like other people and obsess about only one thing at a time without it affecting the other similar decisions in my life?? won't eat steak, will wear boots? (apologies in advance to lonna, who I know is either vegan or vegetarian. if I could only be so vigilant.) will feel better using cardboard applicators while using plastic diapers...and furthermore, will be lulled into a sense of doing good even though there is probably something else awful about using cardboard? should be content to just be happy about motherhood instead of comparing to other mothers? shouldn't worry about other people thinking wrongly that I was promiscuous? shouldn't worry about people who are worried about me worrying about other people's perceptions of me? should cancel the counter? should cancel the blog?? should have canned soup for dinner? worries that canned soup is bad for the figure? for the environment? do others eat canned soup and worry about it? do others use plastic applicators? will using cardboard be seen as better or worse to those who use plastic? who use the cup thingie? what about being magnanimous? what about being anti social? how about being selfish? what about the selfishness of others? what about getting a twix from the vending machine? will drink water but eat candy? how about reading others blogs? will reading others blogs make me less of a free thinker? what about comments? does it take a village? does it take someone reading the blog to make things more real? what IS it that keeps making me burp today? how about altoids gum? what about what people think of me? what about just telling it like it is? what about just writing exactly how I feel with no regard to anyone but my own self?

CAN'T I JUST MAKE IT STOP, JUST FOR A SECOND?? and where's the goddamn twix??

8 validations:

NME said...

WOW! My head and heart hurt just from reading that. Hope the PMD passes soon.

Jen O. said...

Did you get the Twix? Did it help? Was it delicious? How much did it cost from the vending machine? Was it cheaper or more expensive than a drug store's price? Why does buying a single soda from a vending machine sometimes cost as much as a 2-liter? Do you keep change in your drawer at work? What's the strangest thing in the vending machine? Do you have a selection of vending machines? Did you ever get two when you only paid for one? Did you feel guilty? Did you eat them both or did you save one for later?

Marksthespot said...

I eat so much motherfucking canned soup they should call me Campbell, but I don't think it's made me Progresso-ly Chunky.

KMFDM sufferer,

TD said...

I like Altoids gum.
I'm not sure about gauchos.
I fear the Keeper.
I love your blog.

Kelly said...

I agree with Theresa, but I'm not smart enough to put links in comments.

M.Thom said...

I have tried that cup thing, and it is messy, sort of uncomfortable, and not really something I want to deal with regularly.

Love the gauchos...

That Peyton lady is clearly on crack...

As for the every-present "how can I make this world a better place?" thing, just remember that every single thing you recycle is something that stays out of a landfill. You don't have to be that way 100% of time, but every little bit helps. Therefore, I would say do what you can, and don't sweat the disposable diapers.

Hope you feel better soon!

Missuz J said...

God how I hate the guilts. Sometimes it seems that just being a human being, no less a white American, automatically means that I've inadvertantly fucked over half the planet, and polluted the rest of it with toxic sludge. The fact that you care about these things is a huge testament to your character. As for soup and Twix, dude, you do what you can. I was raised in a religion that actually preached that people can be and should be perfect. The only thing aspiring to perfection ever ever did for me was give me a raging eating disorder and the need for lots of marriage therapy. (Sharing too much? Probably. But Patrice, please hang in there. This too shall pass.)

lonna said...

As much as I wouldn't choose to wear leather boots, I would imagine that they must look better with your new gaucho pants than the stupid flip flops shown in the Target ad. Blech.

I started out making all of Dermot's babyfood out of organic food. We were doing a lot of traveling around the time he started solids so we ended up giving him some plain old Gerber, and eventually he chose the Gerber over my organic homemade stuff. So what are you going to do? After six months of baby food, he pretty much eats what we do anyway. So this babyfood stage doesn't last all that long.