sweet potatoes

so bella's ears are probably doing okay, but she is totally cranky. she hates the medicine. and hates us for giving it to her. nicole said that she thought that in some weird way, noah wouldn't trust her anymore for leaving him behind, and I feel the same way about bella not trusting me to take good care of her and not bring her harm. I mean, she seriously tenses up her whole body, her eyes bug out, and she shakes when we try to give her the medicine. it's like we're feeding her shards of glass. it's gotten to the point that I can't be in the room (or on the same floor) when sean and trent give her the medicine. (ps, thank god for sean and trent.)

so I have ruined her trust in me. and to make it more official, we pissed her off some more when trying to get her to at least try eating solid food again. this time, it was sweet potatoes. she had seemed kind of interested in what we were eating at dinner last night, so we broke out the rubber-tipped spoons again. and this time she took to it like a fish to water!!

just kidding.

she did open her mouth once. the rest of the time she pursed her lips like a little old biddy and scowled at us.

all this is taking a toll on my confidence. I know it'll pass, so it's not like I need pep talks or anything, but I do feel pretty down in general. but my good friend TV helped salve the wounds yesterday. though I felt unfulfilled by a eliminationless mat on TAR, and had a sense of "and here I am at 30 sitting on my couch" while the AI contestants sang songs from the year of their birth that I distinctly remember as coming out during my prime rollerskating years and well into my sullen teenager years...though the ROCKERS bob ice and constantine the greek are only a year or two younger than me, so that's nice.

so I'm just going to try to lay low today. we'll see how that goes.

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