3.07.2006

it's just not working

first, kid news. trent got a haircut and he's looking very dapper. I have a sneaking suspicion that he's procrastinating on a project. bella is adorable as usual. she's very interested in saying hi and bye to things. hi, dog. hi, kitty. hi, dada. hi, trent. hi, baby. all while waving. it's cute. also, we went to the local ear nose and throat doctor, who told us to call him next time she has a substantial infection (her ears are mildly infected now) so we can schedule the tube procedure. he wants to see if she can wait it out till spring when ear infections tend to subside naturally. we'll see.

next, house news. I don't know what's going on. I'm too afraid to pull the trigger on a full-on addition. I think we're going to get a contractor out to give us advice and then figure out how much we need, see how much it costs, and then go from there. we'll see.

finally, brain news. I feel like a big fuckup for even mentioning it but it's what's on my mind and this is my goddamn blog, so.... and it's so like, look at me, see how fucked up I am, pity me, validate me. pathetic. I know we "all feel this way from time to time" and writing about it on some blog isn't going to help, no one is going to help, I have to do it myself and I need to get around to sucking it up and just fucking whatever already. I'm in the valley. between peaks. it's dark and uncomfortable and all of this sounds like bullshit. my life is unravelling but of course it will all be better once I get over it and then it will just sit there and wait till the next valley.

whatever. I'm not even going to go further. and please, I know you all mean well, but you don't have to try to make me feel better. it will just make me feel more stupid and vain and whatever. instead, tell me what kind of bread you like best.

19 validations:

lonna said...

I love me some sourdough bread. Dermot is an anything that is bread is good phase. Of course my real answer is donuts and coffee cake, but I didn't know if they counted as bread or not.

Rebecca said...

Umm... so I'm not sure I quite follow but at the same time... I understood your brain news completely. I personally love potato bread but try to eat wheat or whole grain more often.

jon said...

i like all breads, except the strange ones {nod in pumpernickel's general direction}, but especially toast. i love toast. i love toast so much, i don't know what. goddammit patrice, i'm so hungry for some toast right now i'm considering feigning rickets and leaving work early. because god forbid they'd have a toaster oven at work. employees can be trusted with millions of dollars in accounts, but not with toast. crap!

rob said...

Baguette.

Only because a baguette sandwich comprised of turkey, butter and provolone washed down with an Orangina is edible happiness.

If not baguette, I don't know. "Baby I'm-A Want You", maybe?

Rebecca said...

Ohh, bread is yummy. I love pretty much any sort of fresh-baked bread, except maybe rye. I'm not big on plain vapid preservative-filled grocery store white.

Katy said...

sourdough, and am, you are great.

Missuz J said...

Hmm. When I was little, my mom went through this bread making phase. My grandma actually gave her a wheat grinder, so my mom bought whole wheat, ground it into flour, and made this whole wheat bread that was absolutely amazing. Lightly toasted with just a touch of peanut butter on it--sigh. Delicious.

Or--how about "Make it With You"?

Jen said...

I love sourdough and something called white mountain bread, but my favorite is whatever kind of bread they serve at Carraba's restaurant. It is the best, especially dipped in olive oil with herbs.

I only eat bread on special occasions because of the whole low carb thing, but sometimes I dream about eating it.

the beige one said...

Nine grains...from Poulsbo. Yum.

word verif: xrvmwmb

do we really need this many characters?

Jen O. said...

I'ma get on the sourdough train. I also like toasted seedless rye with lots of butter. Actually, I'm not sure if it's the bread I like, or the butter. Or the peanut butter. Or the Nutter Butter. Actually, I've never had Nutter Butter.

KATIEmagic said...

Sourdough, definately.

Last week I was in a deep dark valley. I crouched in the shower (the only place I can be alone) sobbing and thinking about how my little world is falling apart. I so feel you.

~A~ said...

Homemade bread is my absolute fav. But honestly any bread that's sans mold is good bread. No, that's a lie, wonderbread is crap and anything wonder like. That new SaraLee whole grain white.... MASSIVE CRAP!

But real bread is good bread.

And I understood your brain news too. And even though you said not to say anything, too fucking bad, I'm nosey and bitchy like that. The best of us get that way... makes us appreciate when it's not so dark and dreary. (((HUGS)))

NME said...

I love it best when it's fresh baked, warm and buttery. And that's how I love you too.

amandak said...

I'm totally on a cinnamon raisin kick lately. toasted, with butter. YUMMM

Steph said...

There's a nutty, heavy bread I love, but I can't remember what it's called. The loaf weighs something like three pounds, and it's got a quadrillion different grains in it, and flax seeds on the top. It makes the most delicious toast. Ever.

TD said...

Mom's beer bread, toasted and lightly buttered. I always have to fight my brother for the heel. He's bigger than me, but I will so eff him up for the end of a loaf of beer bread.

thelyamhound said...

Anything with flax seed makes for good toast. I like real butter with just a touch of honey.

Do us both a favor, because I can afford to learn this a little better for myself: NEVER invalidate your own strong feelings. You don't even have a place to begin . . . whatever (healing, recovering, growing, suppressing) if you've already decided that your particular experience is foolish, self-indulgent, illusory or what-have-you.

I can't give you much encouragement, because I don't know what the nature of your funk happens to be. But remember that your funk may be a pointed signal of something--in your life, your heart, your family, your community, your country, your species, your soul-- that needs your attention (or your diligent inattention). Rilke once said (and I paraphrase a translation) that everything terrible is actually something helpless that needs help from us. If something's nagging at you, assume it's because you have the strength, the power to right a wrong that can be addressed only by you.

A brain is both a curse and a blessing, ain't it?

beanspot said...

I'd have to say Amoroso (maybe because I can't get it...yet?) then sourdough or anything Indian.

the beige one said...

okay, Patrice, in order to cheer you up, I'm going to sing annoying Rolling Stones songs, that I barely remember the lyrics to, at the top of my lungs, more than likely off-key:

AAngeh
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaangeeeeh
bring me a bagel with lots of schmear
angeeh
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGEEEEH