bella m. and all the other bellas

well, it already happened. you know how you agonize over finding that perfect name for your baby, one that isn't so far out that she's ostracized but one that isn't going to be one of 15 kids in her class with the same name? we did that. we had all kinds of names on the list - hazel (a family name), dahlia, sofia - and we chose bella. sean loved it, it was very italian, and I didn't know anyone named bella so I had no negative connotations with it. then I used this thingie and it said that the name was on the rise. still not too bad, though...until I had her, and everyone asked me if she was named isabella. turns out isabella is one hell of a popular name.

bella has 4 classmates at daycare: kaylie, giovanna, connor, and ISABELLA. who is called bella. 2 out of 5?? wtf?

at any rate, here are some things that MY bella does that I bet that other one doesn't do. she's currently on an "eeeeeewwwww" kick. everything she sees that isn't quite right is met with "eeeeeeeewwww!!!!" something spilled on the floor? eeeeewwww! her shoe is untied? eeeeeeewwww! her peach is touching her ravioli? eeeewwwwww! (I admit, that's my fault.) she was 'watching' (sitting down, twirling her hair, drinking mokey moke) big love (not this week's show, last week's) with sean and he said that after the line "go get your kids, margeane, they're eating bugs" bella said "eeeeeeewwwww!! eat bugs!" so everything is eeeeeewwwww at home right now.

she is in love with the outdoors. she loves "blowers" - dandelions ready to be blown to the wind - but has trouble blowing them. she gets it too close to her mouth and winds up with little seeds all over her lips. which, of course, is met with eeeeewwwww. she loves walking alone - without holding hands or walking alongside me. she's so independent that I can, without a doubt, see directly into our future where we will battle over who opens the box of cereal, who puts on her shoes, and how she learns how to drive.

she also loves to climb. she likes climbing all over the furniture and getting up and down from chairs by herself. needless to say, this makes me slightly freaked out and I'm waiting to blog about Bella's First Stitches or Bella's Giant Scab or whatever. so far we're doing okay but I'm not sure how long it'll last.

shifting gears a bit, trent went to a combined tryout for both the travel soccer team and this thing called "premier", which is more expensive but the kids play at a way higher skill level. even though I had noted on trent's signup form that we are only interested in travel (which is already kind of steep) the premier coach pulled me aside after tryouts on saturday (which bella and I spent blowing blowers, racing matchbox cars down the sloped sidewalk, and exploring the front seat of the car) to ask me if I was interested in putting trent in premier, because they think he's good enough for the team. it was a big compliment for trent (and by transitive property, for me) but I just hope we are able to do it financially. more than that, actually, I hope we are able to do it timewise. it's a big committment. we'll see how it shakes out.

what I did on my mother's day vacation

we went to longwood gardens. it was really fun.

it was the orchid festival.


the flowers were really pretty.


bella liked seeing birdies.


we even saw cacti.


there were lots of flowers...


...but I enjoyed spending time with the kiddies the most.


bella got tired out from walking all over...


...she certainly wore sean out.


must've been the stairs she climbed about 40 times.


longwood is my favorite place to visit.


but I was most happy that I got my mother's day wish.

picture pages: easter and brett's birthday

here are some pictures from a long time ago and not so long ago.

yesterday - bella picking a blower (dandelion)

yesterday - bella before her bath

a week or so ago - bella napping in the living room

yesterday - bella before her bath

easter - bella finds an egg

easter - bella finds her melmo basket

trent's dad brett's 32nd birthday - doesn't he look exactly like trent?

brett, smiling - he didn't know I was taking a picture

everything in moderation

I am so glad it's friday. otherwise, I may just explode. work has really got me feeling like I need to play the lottery way more often.

I bought myself an ipod as a mother's day present to myself, but I haven't been successful in getting it to work. not that I don't know how to use an ipod, because I use (and upload music to) sean's all the time. part of the problem is that we both have ipods and we both use the same itunes on our home computer. so his playlists are constantly trying to upload to my ipod, and vice versa. I think we have to have our own, but his itunes is in my profile...it's just annoying. so I have it and it's sitting idly on our (antique - because I don't sew) sewing machine at home. just waiting to be used.

I have been eating really nonstop for a few days now. so hungry. I don't know what the problem is, but my defenses are way down and my ability to rationalize is at an all time high - like "the day I had today? I DESERVE 3 sodas" and "I already had 3 sodas, I may as well have this bag of milanos." moderation. I have to get back to it.

the only thing I don't want in moderation is my kids. it's mother's day and I am not really that close with my mother, and I definitely do not have the touchy-feely kind of relationship with her that I have with my own kids. maybe I did once - if so, I sincerely do not remember. we were not a huggy family. well, my dad was, and is. actually, memories are coming to me of me and my dad sitting on the couch, me wondering when I could get up and play and my dad sitting and hugging me so tightly that it almost hurt.

anyway, I won't be spending time with my mom on mother's day, simply because I never really do. but I will be spending time with the universe's two most perfect children, bella and trent. (as you mothers will be spending time with the universe's most perfect children, your own.) the two of them together, when they interact, is the most precious thing I have ever witnessed. for so long, it's been me and trent and I wasn't sure how another child would really fit in, since my heart was always so full with him. I know I've talked about this before, but it bears repeating. people kept telling me your heart just gets bigger, and I couldn't fathom it until I had bella. sometimes I love the two of them so much that I feel like I'm going to burst. I do like my career and I am glad I am working, and I love sean and I'm glad I'm a wife, but my children are my best accomplishment and what gives me the biggest amount of satisfaction.

so this weekend is mother's day and I plan to look at it as a day I get to revel in being a mother, to marvel at it all, to relive the days when they were born, and just enjoy them as much as possible for this moment in time - because they'll never be exactly like this again - instead of planning some epic dinner or opening any presents. I just want my family together, happy, (hopefully at longwood gardens) and content.

I will tell you on monday all about all the temper tantrums, snags, and aggravations that happen. hey, I can pontificate about the beauty and tranquility of motherhood all I want, but I am a realist. I will enjoy it all, though. that's what makes me who I am, and I am a mom.

weekend update

I had a pretty good weekend. I got to be an independent grown up on friday night and hang out with friends from work until after midnight. saturday, I took bells to ikea, where she was too afraid to play in the ball pit, but where we did manage to spend 45 mins eating goldfish in the cafe (and limited our spending to less than $100, which is unheard of.) sunday, sean took bella to the goat races at slyfox brewery, where a friend of his had his goat win the race and subsequently had a beer named after it. I, in turn, did some retail therapy, buying stuff from stores I clearly shouldn't have been in past 1998. (but the pants are cute.) then came home to a big mac pizza (it's exactly what you think) and a slightly cranky bella while sean went to the phillies game with his friends (as his independent grown up activity for the weekend.)

the only thing missing from the weekend, and it's a recurring theme, is time with sean. these days, even when we do hang out together, I am too irritated with this or that to really enjoy it, we're both distracted, one of us is tired, or the time we do have is limited. I think it's taking a toll on us. it is on me, anyways. we really have to get away for a while together to remember why we are together beyond bella.

speaking of, bella is speaking of everything. she talks, sings, hums...she's always vocalizing. she's been scolding me lately by saying something that sounds like BEEE TEEE DAA DOUGH! DA DOUGH!! I have no idea what she is saying. she means business, though. I was in the shower on saturday when she opened the shower curtain and said "I color" while pointing to the floor, which now has orange crayon scribble on it. (well hopefully not - since sean is supposed to be cleaning today.) I was amazed that she said it enough that I didn't care so much that she did it. though I did tell her to get a piece of paper, which she did. she understands alot, this kid. but the cutest thing she's doing lately is saying "ummmmmmm" when you ask her a question. "bella, what do you want for snack?" "ummmmmmmmmmmmm...cackers." "bella, where's the doggie?" "ummmmmmmmmm...ah dunno!" so cute.

tomorrow, I get to be an independent grown up again and have dinner with nicole and a mutual friend of ours...woo! I always have a tough time when I go to the house of eggerts because I want to spend time with everyone and there never seems to be enough time. I really want one on one time with noah so I can get to know him better, and I also miss talking to mark and nicole (about things other than babies - though what, I have no idea), and of course I miss talking to nicole about everything under the sun. and then I also need more time to spend with sean, and with all of us as a family, and with brett, and with my dad.....

excuse me while my head explodes.

2 milestones

not for bella, for me.

well, this one is sort of for bella. I am done breastfeeding. it happened kind of gradually, over the last few weeks, but I was not ready to say for certain that it was over in case I'd jinx myself. bella still asks for nigh-nigh (her word for nursing) but can be consoled with mokey-moke (milky-milk, her word for milk) instead. it's been about 10 days or so since I've nursed her last, and actually it could be more than that. I don't have any engorgement because I weaned her so gradually, and also because during my cold, I was taking decongestants that dry you up. I thought I'd be really more emotional over it, like I was with her walking, but strangely, I'm not. not really. because she still lets me cuddle and hold her, and she's still drinking milk from a bottle and not a cup. I'm sure I'll curse myself for that soon, but for right now, as long as it isn't attached to me by skin, I'm cool with it. now I'm free to do things that I wouldn't do because of bella - namely, get a new tattoo. silly, huh? I am not a drinker nor a smoker nor a partaker of drugs, so there's not much else that I needed to stay away from. other than medicines - thank god I can take sudafed again.

I want to get bella's name added to my back, where I already have trent's name. but more than that, I want to get something more intricate, something on a bigger scale than the tattoos I already have. why? well, it probably sounds silly, but it ties in with the other milestone - my name.

when I married sean, I took his name on a few things and kept my maiden name on some other things. which I would not recommend, by the way, because it's really gotten me into trouble. at work, they know me by my maiden name in the HR and payroll departments, but my email and all of my colleagues know me by my married name. that's because my license and soc sec # are in my maiden name - I never made a move to change them. my credit cards and bank accounts are in my married name, but my personal email addresses are in my maiden name. but the biggest snafu right now is that the deed to our house is in my married name, which the mortgage company (also in my married name) now realizes isn't official, and they need us to change it poste haste.

anyway, so I have to settle on a name. either go forward with changing everything to milligan, or go back to being patrice colancecco. and I finally, after 3 years, decided - I'm going back to colancecco. it's who I've always been, it's who I relate to, it means something to me. not that milligan doesn't, and not that everyone should make this decision. but it's right for me. and I'm lucky to have a husband that understands that and supports it. I spent 29 years of my life (28? whichever) being a colancecco and it always felt fake to pretend I was someone else.

so, with my newly dried up boobs, I am...

patrice colancecco.

update in 4 mins or less

here we go.

bella - ears are now fine. off meds. had 18 mo checkup - 50th percentile for height, but 5th for weight. is cute. likes to say "shaba" - we have no idea what it means but we find it hilarious.

trent - belligerent but still better than some 13 year olds. baseball seems to be overtaking life - just in time for soccer tryouts sunday.

sean - no idea.

work - dumb.

me - still sneezy. ears are starting to hurt. perhaps I'll go to doctor.

wow. and I still have 2 mins left. I am glad nicole and mark and noah are home. their pictures of jamaica are beautiful. I came into some found money recently and am thinking about whisking away with sean to some sort of similar retreat, if only for a weekend. where should we go? ideas?

one minute left. I finished landscaping the front yard over the weekend and we got bella a sandbox and a slide for the back yard. I am pleased with the results of both endeavors. though I wish bella would stop taking the sand from the box and dumping it on the grass because a) it took me a long time to grow that damn grass and b) it's deceiving to buy play sand because it's only $5 a bag - but you need 6 bags to fill up the sandbox. it's as much to get the sand as it is to get the box...so I want to keep the sand in it.

time's up...

25 or 6 to 4

does anybody really know what time it is? does anybody really care?

today, I'd like to discuss what the hell is going on with pops. I am an avid cereal eater, and I have started buying boxes for work and eating that instead of a bagel or toast or whatever. anyways, so my m.o. with eating cereal is that I can't eat too much of any one cereal or I get bored, so I never buy the same kind in back to back purchases, or even in the same month if I can help it. having gone through cocoa pebbles, vanilla creme (how I hate that spelling) mini wheats, froot loops, golden grahams, frosted chex, chocolate lucky charms, and cracklin oat bran, I was looking for the next logical cereal step. I was at target buying flat fruit and I noticed a span of yellow pops boxes. I had already put a box of cocoa puffs in my cart, but I like to have choices in the morning, so I figured I'd pick up a box of pops, too. so I go to pick one out, and there are 3 different boxes. one was the old fashioned (aka, circa 2005) yellow box, and 2 were these pops-wallpapered monstrosities with POPS emblazoned on them in different typefaces. wtf is this?

naturally, the box selection, if there is more than one style of box, comes down to which one has the better games/prize/offer. but now with these pops boxes, there's also a question of typeface. so I chose the 80s looking one with the ice age 2 prize. (meanwhile, it says "FREE FLYER by mail" - which, I know they mean frisbee, but to say it like that, it sounds so fucking cheap. a flyer? aka a scaled down poster? what kind of prize is that? and by mail no less.) anyways, so I get the box to work and open it, and notice on the side of the box, it says:

Welcome
to the bold, new look of
Kellogg's POPS.
3 unique boxes that
reflect YOUR bold,
individual style &
attitude. We are PROUD
of our look, but more
importantly
we are proud of our....
"Big Yellow Taste"
....Enjoy!

followed by pictures of 4 boxes (one is coming soon - I cannot wait) of pops. the first one looks sort of early 90s red typeface, and it is captioned "gaming". the second is a little more jazzy, with arrow heads on the loopy part of the P's, and I suppose looks sort of like graffiti. it is captioned "hip hop". the third, which is the one I actually have, is 80s-inspired early pong-graphic-y letters, and is inexplicably called "snow". the fourth, which I mentioned is coming soon, (one has to wonder exactly what the hold up was with this one - maybe the others were just so good they wanted to get them out there as quickly as possible) is more of an angular graffiti-like font and is called "skate". you can see them all on the kellogg's website here. you'll have to click on each category, though, to see the changed font.

the short version of my question is WHY? the longer version is much more complicated. sugared cereal is usually marketed to kids under 14, though lately, some general mills branded sugared cereals, like cinnamon toast crunch, are trying to capitalize on the largely underrepresented segment of adult consumers. (there are lots of us sugared cereal eaters that are over 14.) no one has really been marketing to teens - not really, anyways. you see some teens in commercials for cereal, but I think that's more of a "eat this cereal, just like this older cool kid that you want to be like" kind of thing. it's not really targeted to teens. but hip hop, gaming, and skate clearly are. I have no idea about snow - maybe they are also trying to access the untapped teen cocaine user market, or maybe canadians. weird, but whatever, I have to guess that they did market research and this is what it told them to do: market to teen boys.

but then simultaneously, the language they're using here - "bold", "style", "attitude" - while clearly not for the under 14 set, isn't really for the teen set either. it's kind of for the adults. and it seems so desperate. "we are PROUD of our look." it's like they got the focus group results back and found out everyone thinks the new boxes are stupid but they are so in love with their great branding idea that they do it anyway and now feel they have to justify it. let's not even get into what "big yellow taste" means, because that's even beyond this crazy targetting thing they have going on.

layer that on top of the aforementioned ice age 2 "free flyer" (by mail) - a KIDS movie - and it's like...dude. you're just cereal. no one expects you to be all things to all ages, especially just on your box. pick a demo and run with it. I loved you back when you told me, with a burst of pops from the O, that I gotta get....pops. I know times change, but this is ridiculous. and fucking with the logo of a brand, especially in 4 iterations (and even moreso when fucking with it in 4 iterations isn't part of a stupid contest) is like cereal shark-jumping. I hate it.

that aside, and that's alot to put aside...who the HELL did they use to write that copy? first, they want me to believe that my choice of cereal is an extension of who I am. okay, that's what they do, assign some sort of grandiose meaning to what I decide to stick in my shopping cart. but to further assess my choice in box as a unique way to reflect my bold, individual style? and my attitude? and then to actually write that out and print it on the box? when all I fucking want is to eat my cereal and maybe do a fun maze??

christ, these pops. anyways, they were good.

have a great weekend. nicole and mark and noah return tonight!

because you're all wondering, I'm sure

just how are the members of the milliceccobach household doing today?

well, since you're dying to know:

sean: well, I guess he's fine. we see each other rarely anymore. and when we are together, we're dividing and conquering. we really need to get a sitter or something or just make time to start talking to each other again.

trent: developing an attitude. yesterday, he didn't have school baseball practice, but he DID have connie mack league practice. he left his baseball stuff in his homeroom and didn't bother to mention it until 4pm. so sean had to drive him back to school, and luckily the janitor was there to let him into the room. he acted like it was no big deal. I tried to tell him that if that were me, my mother would have said "tough beans" and I wouldn't have gotten to go to practice, let alone go get my stuff. that happened often with books I left at school - if I left them, it was my problem. of course I don't want to do that to trent, but on the other hand, it pisses me off when he acts so entitled to one of us jumping up to rescue him. that's the tough part of parenting an older child...the balance of teaching without leaving him to twist in the wind.

bella: completely and utterly cranky. the dog bumps into her, she crumbles to the floor in a teary heap. you tell her she can't watch bubbies, she crumbles to the floor in a teary heap. you put the wrong piece of broccoli on her plate (not that one, THAT one) and she crumbles to the floor in a teary heap. and once she's on the floor, forget trying to pick her up. then she goes into kick and scream mode. I realize she doesn't feel well, but it's ridiculous. other than that, she's taken to being the boss of our dog, maggie. she tells maggie where to go and when to stop, which is often. maggie won't be doing anything at all and bella will say "NO, maggie!" she's also taken to saying "come here" to anyone she wants to follow her. so the conversation with maggie goes thusly:

bella: comere, madgy!
maggie: [slowly comes over]
bella: GOOGIRL! GOOGIRL! (good girl)
maggie: [tail sort of wags]
bella: NO, POOSH! NO!
maggie: [looks at me wearily]

that poor dog.

me: I am a mess. I thought it was allergies but I think I have a spring cold. which sucks big time. I went through an entire box of tissues yesterday. it's just neverending snot.

and that, my friends, is all. how about you? what are you up to?

I am meekly waving hi

oh god. I'm so sorry. I'm such a slacker.

here's a few reasons why: work is picking up both in terms of work itself and drama, and...well that's all.

guess what? bella's got a double ear infection. what's that you say? didn't she get tubes to stop that from happening? why yes! yes, she did. so, 10 days of antibiotics via mouth that will screw up her digestion, give her diaper rash, and cause her to be very unhappy. not to mention trying to actually give her the medicine. seriously, when I heard that she had them and has to take medicine, I just about cried myself. I just can't believe we have to go through it again. what's it been, a month?

ay yi yi. well, on the plus side, she's been doing alot of cute stuff. like fake sneezing ("ah-CHOO!") and then blessing herself ("bleshu!"). it started out as imitating me, as I sneeze on average about 10 times a day, more when it's allergy season. which is every season, but it waxes and wanes.

what I have also been noticing is that she is not a snuggler. it's amazing to me how different she is from trent. trent still likes to snuggle up, give me hugs, hold him when he's upset. for the most part, anyways. but bella? she doesn't snuggle in bed (which is one of my fondest memories of trent's baby and toddlerhood - our snuggling at night) and she doesn't like having anyone's arm around her uninvited. she doesn't always give hugs or kisses and she prefers to rub her own head, not have you rub it for her. she even started kissing her own boo-boos. not to say that she's not a loving child - she is, as witnessed by her bubbies and the two baby dolls she cares for every day - she just isn't a touchy feely kid. I'm a little disappointed, because as trent gets older and the snuggling gets more infrequent, I thought I'd have the snuggles with bella to ease that loss. who knows, maybe she'll become a snuggler..but I should get used to the idea that maybe she's just not like that.

anyway. gotta run. time's up!

it's so quiet...

I'll try to post more later, but I'm a little blue. nicole's going away to jamaica for a week, and both of my work friends are out today. jarrett will be out all week next week too. so much of a bummer. I rely on these people to get me through the week! lucky for me, I have the blogosphere. so you'll probably see more of me next week.

I'm also helping to throw 2 different showers - one baby, one wedding - so I've been pretty busy. sorry for slackin.

talk to you real soon, promise.

I wanna easta egg, I wanna easta egg, I wanna easta egg

which reminds me, I want the dvd of the "golden years" of looney toons.

10 minutes to post.

it was a good weekend, for the most part. saturday, I helped trent's dad plant stuff in his "front yard" - which is really a large flower bed. we planted creeping evergreen thingies and some red pansies. he just has to mulch and it'll look great. of course, my house looks like shit. but I scratched his back and so my turn is coming.

saturday afternoon was...I love sean's family and all but...horrendous. first of all, we got there early and it was more obvious than usual that sean's sister in law's family doesn't care about sean's side of the family at all. in fact, when sean went outside at one point to get trent and bella, and he had to walk through a tables of her family, not only did they not say a word in response to him saying hello to them, it got dead silent. like they couldn't speak AT ALL if he were there, let alone to answer his polite question. but the biggest pain in the ass was that we found out that jo-anne didn't come and didn't give a reason. the consensus is that it was because we were there. which may or may not be true. but if it is...man. missing your grandchild's birthday party because your son, who got mad at you for asking to return a christmas present, is there...that's insanity. so I feel like I have to stop the insanity, because I don't think it's fair for anyone to feel like they have to either invite us to things or invite her. it's ridiculous.

so anyways, after that atrocity, we went to franklin mills and then to find plastic eggs on easter eve. needless to say, it didn't go well. we got a bunch of oddly-shaped yellow eggs with various kinds of smiley faces on them. luckily, sean found our original egg stash, so we had plenty to hide.

on easter, bella did a phenomenal job of finding eggs. she even found eggs that I had hidden for trent, inside baskets and on shelves. we had to hide eggs several times that morning. she loved it. dinner was okay - a bit expensive, as trent decided (and we allowed him) to have surf & turf at market price, not knowing what market price is. (it's $52.) bella had the run of the 200-year-old inn, and she's lucky she's cute, because she was really running. she looked darling in a white pinafore dress, green crocheted (at first I typed "crotched") sweater, and pink leggings and these shoes. trent looked so much like a little man - he was wearing dress pants and a yellow pinstriped oxford. my kids. so cute.

in other news, I have horrible cramps and I guess I have to clear the air with jo-anne. so..wish me luck. time's up.

helping you put good food on the table

I was on my way to work yesterday when I heard another commercial for foodstamps. they've been running them alot lately, trying to let people (mostly seniors) know that they could be eligible for food stamps even if they have an income. I try to ignore them. yesterday, though, they said something that jarred something in me and I had a very emotional response. they said that they have done away with paper food stamps and now have a card with a pin number that you can use like a debit card.

I think I had an emotional response because getting food stamps at the bank with a voucher and using them at the grocery store was one of the most humiliating things I have ever gone through. you could only redeem your voucher for food stamps at certain banks on certain days within certain hours, and only at one certain window. that teller knew they were on food stamp duty and they'd always be awful. once in a while, I'd get someone who was more sympathetic, but most of the time, they would just be angry that they had to pay for my food...I know, because I'd been told that by the tellers themselves.

the grocery store was worse, because not only would the cashier know you were using food stamps, but the people behind you knew too. it didn't help that I also was using WIC (Women Infants and Children, a program in pennsylvania that provides free food to, well, women, infants, and children) and since only certain kinds of milk, cheese, and cereal were covered, and things weren't sophisticated enough in the grocery store to have the computer tell you whether something was WIC-approved, the cashier would just hate me because she'd have to look it all up in the WIC book to make sure it was covered. and the whole thing took forever, while I tried to entertain trent after having shopped for a long time. I'm not sure if the cashier was more annoyed or the people behind me.

so, I guess my response to the fact that they FINALLY started using cards was that maybe those people using food stamps were finally able to hold their head up higher when they went shopping. and they didn't have to deal with exasperated bank tellers anymore. I will never forget the little booklets of different colored "money", though...I always thought they looked kind of like european money.

anyways.

bella has a huge scrape, bump, and bruise on her head. apparently yesterday, she was playing outside in the blue car and when she got out, she tripped and hit her head on the concrete. it looks nasty. seriously nasty. like, I wondered if she could have a concussion. of course, she didn't. it's right at her hairline and she forgets it's there and keeps hurting it. she likes to rub her own head (she'll push your hands away if you try) when she's nursing, rocking in the rocking chair, or drinking a bottle of milk. it helps relax her. but she keeps running her hand over the scrape and hurting herself, poor kid. if you ask her what is on her head, she says "bump." it hasn't slowed her obsession with bubbies, though. I hear "tinky winky, dipsy, la la, po!" in my DREAMS lately.

a look back, a look forward

I am giving myself 15 minutes to blog today.

starting....

NOW.

last weekend, I spent saturday shopping for bridesmaid dresses again for my niece nichole's wedding in august. I think I mentioned before that the other bridesmaids (we're down to 3 of us now) are lithe, young, and skinny. but like a recent comment made on nicole's blog from boobecca, MY BOOBS ARE BIGGER. we picked out 3 different dresses that reflect our own tastes (jackie's was befitting a tan jersey girl, melissa's was demure with spaghetti straps, and mine was black pants and a sweater...well, actually, hid my stomach better than the others and had wider straps to accommodate my rack) but they were all the same color. now, I love my niece and I am so happy to be in this wedding, but THE DRESSES. they are FUSCHIA. I can't even fucking SPELL fuschia. bottom line, I need to get tan this summer or I am going to look like...I don't even know what I'm going to look like. a white whale encased in something fuschia.

then on sunday, after nichole and her fiance went back to virginia, I went back up to my sister's and made shower favors with denise, melissa, jackie, my mom, and nichole's fiance's mom tammy. my job was peeling off the stickers from the bottom of the votive candle holders. it was also my mom's birthday and my youngest niece chelsea's birthday was the day before, so we had cake. chelsea is 14 and sullen, so I saw her all of 5 minutes, just enough time for her to open my present to her. and then denise mentioned my blog to my mom, who now wants to read it.

I ignored her.

so, this weekend coming up, we are going to baby brigid's big sister mollie's 4th birthday party at sean's brother brion's house. all that convolutedness means that WE WILL BE SEEING SEAN'S MOTHER, JO-ANNE. for the first time since the whole "don't forget, you only have one mother, but I have 3 other sons" debacle after christmas. I did tell you about that, right? seriously, neither of us has spoken to her since december. it will be AWKWARD. especially since sean wants no parts of forgiving her.

real quick bella news: favorite words are YUCK! and yeah. I'm glad she is now using yeah instead of answering "no" to everything. bella, do you want a cookie? yeah. do you want to watch bubbies? yeah. do you love mommy? NO! oh well.

time's up. catch you later.

picture pages

back by popular demand. brought to you by the napping of bella an hour before the sopranos start.

first up, virginia beach. there's not much more to tell about my trip, other than the weather was cold, the beach was a little depressing (cue "boys of summer" playing in the background), and I tooled around norfolk, which seems like a sleepy town on sundays. I didn't even stick around for breakfast on monday (because sunday's buffet was horrid) and so I got on the road early, taking rt 13 all the way up DelMarVa. the end.


my luxury room at the founder's inn


closeup of the infamous wallpaper


closeup of the bathroom wallpaper


"THIS is my room?"


begging for a caption


silented ride pier


where the chesapeake bay and the atlantic ocean collide


sandy feet


downtown norfolk


ole pete takes a break in a flood zone


chesapeake bay bridge tunnel


driving


where the south ends

and here are some other pictures...


today is my mom's 63rd birthday.


bella meets her new cousin, brigid

until next time...

virginia beach in 11 minutes or less

I have 11 min...make that 10 minutes to post today. DOUBLE YESTERDAY! woo.

so I never really went into detail about my VA trip. of course, the pictures are still locked inside my camera, but I'll share some random quips about the trip and the journey.

I set off after lunch on saturday, after dropping bella off with noah at casa de eggerts. it was dreary but I was ready for the drive. I did mostly interstate driving until getting into delaware. I got off 95 and onto scenic route 13. first place I stopped (having to pee and being hungry) was a super walmart. I had never been. I was just flabbergasted. it was HUUUUUUGE. I bought a skirt, earrings, a cheeseburger, a bag of chips, some milano cookies (pepperidge faaaahm remembehs), and a new eyebrow pencil. all at the same time. which isn't that big of a deal - you can do that at any walmart - but I could have also gotten raw chicken.

anyways, route 13 is really interesting. as you drive down through delaware and into the DelMarVa peninsula (so named because the peninsula is shared by delaware, maryland, and virginia) you see the difference between the top of the peninsula and the bottom. and the bottom ain't pretty. I was sometimes aghast at the conditions people were living in as I got into the "eastern shores" of virginia.

then, my favorite part: the chesapeake bay bridge tunnel. 20+ miles of bridges and 2 tunnels. something for every phobia - long stretches only several hundred feet above water, long stretches inside dark, stuffy tunnels. $12 (non ez-pass) of toll-roady goodness. I love it.

then, I was in virginia beach. I found my alleged 4-star hotel, the founder's inn, right along the highway, a good 20 minutes (by car) away from the beach. not quite what I had in mind. I tooled around the beach on sunday and then, as it was freezing and a little sad, I went into the city of norfolk. I found myself on a one way street that dead-ended in a parking garage (that you had to pay to get into) for a mall. so I went 300 miles away to go to a mall. I did buy a book and did some window shopping before heading back to my "hotel".

time's up. I'll tell you more about it tomorrow, including what I saw at the beach and how I spent my evenings.

how much can I blog in 5 mins?

I have ... well now make it 4 mins to blog. let's see how much I can cram in.

first. I found out today that my cousin passed away. cousin in law, I'd guess you say. my cousin's husband. we haven't been close in many years, but we were when I was growing up. he was in his 40s and so it was quite a shock. that area of the family has already been through hell.

bella and sean are both sick with...sorry steve, if this is TMI about sean...diarrhea. I hope they are both better by tomorrow not only to save our schedule from being derailed, but because I want them both to feel better. I don't feel those emotions in that order. I'm pressed for time, is all.

2 mins left.

I slept more than I was awake on saturday. I had 3 naps and then went to bed at 8 without having eaten dinner. I felt sick to my stomach at dinnertime on friday, saturday, AND sunday. and I can't seem to gather any energy. if I didn't know better, I'd think I was pregnant.

BUT I KNOW BETTER and I am not.

one more minute.

bella quickly became addicted to teletubbies over the weekend. she sings the song and asks incessantly for "bubbies". it was the first thing she asked for when she woke up this morning. it had me thinking that perhaps we will put a TV in our room with a dvd player and some bubbies dvds simply so I can get ready in peace in the morning.

time's up.

I'll catch you tomorrow.

what a fool believes

we won the lottery!

and other assorted april fool's jokes.

I'm feeling a little guilty right now because I totally sabotaged my friend jarrett's cubicle this morning before I realized he was having a bad day. first, he forgot his pass to get in, and then, after we got breakfast, he had a nasty ketchup incident. meanwhile, I stole all of his pens, turned most of his pictures upside down, disconnected his mouse...and a few other things I don't think he's seen yet. meanwhile, he's sitting in his cube in an undershirt, waiting for his polo shirt to dry, as he went into the men's room and thoroughly soaked it. the shirt is currently hanging over his cubicle wall, drying. and here I am, fucking with him.

and I can't stop laughing.

anyways, I haven't really thought of anything good I can do for sean and trent. I think if I did something to sean's car and he found out as he was getting in it at 5:15am, I might not get the exact response I'm looking for. and most of the things I can think of to tell trent to trick him into believing something are mean - either because it's something great that isn't true, or it's something horrible that will just be depressing and not funny even when it's revealed as april fools.

so yeah, this is how I get my kicks sometimes. ask sean. I torture him. usually when I'm bored and he's in the shower. my favorite is sneaking mouthwash in the water when he's in the shower (innocuous - he just gets freaked out over the minty smell in there, which is magnified by the hot water) or climbing up and squirting him with body wash or toothpaste from up high. once, I reenacted the psycho scene while he was in the shower, with a real knife. that didn't go over well. but blinking the lights on and off and then leaving them off while he's in the shower is always a hit.

I wonder if I'll ever outgrow this. I am certain sean wishes I would.

so anyways, you got food on your shirt. april fools!

bummer

I went on a little vacation to virginia beach. it sucked. I'm back. I took pictures. I will post them shortly, I think. maybe.

I tried to give blood today but was told my iron levels are too low.

fucking MIM.

my bra shrunk when I accidentally put it in the dryer.

work sucks, did you know that? I mean in general. having to work. it sucks.

sorry I'm not more chipper, like, ever. I feel bad because I feel bad. I'm back from vacation and I should not only be witty, but downright CHIPPER at all the free time I had. la la laaa la laaa. I was never one to be good at blowing sunshine up people's asses so I guess most of you aren't surprised.

I'm going to take a deep breath and count to ten and find one positive thing to write.

one
two


three

four
five

siiiix
seven...

...

eight...

nine...

nine and a half....

....

.......

ten.

okay, here it is. I'm happy about not having to be happy all the time. the internet is full of people acting like their shit doesn't stink or that they are happy all the time, so much so that I can't even think of only 2 blogs to link to as examples.

anyway. let's talk about potties for a second instead.

we got bella a potty yesterday. she likes it so far. she likes to open the lid, sit on it, and get up. over and over and over. we let her on it without clothes to try actually peeing or pooping in it, but it was not to be. I just want to get her used to seeing it there, so if she wants to try, it's ready for her. then it isn't quite so scary.

she's been very watchful about what we do in the bathroom. she's been staring at sean's boy parts and she's been pointing to my cooch, which is embarrassing and uncomfortable, but because we don't want her to grow up with body issues and/or shame, we act like it's totally natural. and then quickly cover up.

the other day, she was playing (as she usually does) with a giant box of tampons I got from costco. she likes to take them out of the box and then put them back in. this time, though, she tore one open and took out the tampon itself. and then bent down and put it between her legs. I was....well, it's all I can do to even tell this story now. I was laughing and horrified. of course, I gave the tampon to her once sean was home so she could do the same thing and he was laughing and horrified too.

so. talk of the shitter followed up by talk of the shitter. sorry folks. you'll have to get your happy emoticons from somewhere else today, I'm sad to say.

for all the babies in all the world

I just witnessed something awful. it's almost 11pm on friday night. justin, our neighbor to the right, recently had a girlfriend move in with him. I haven't seen much of her or her child - just have seen the stroller and various toys. apparently, all day they've been having a falling out...if that's what you want to call it. what I heard was justin being loud and screaming and cursing and stomping and banging - and the girlfriend too. while the daughter, a little girl probably not much older than bella, cried, tried to play, and mimicked the adults.

he just threw her out and she took the girl into the street. the woman called justin a fucking asshole, and the baby repeated it. she came back a few times to argue some more and get more of her things, while the baby shivered with her coat not zipped all the way and no socks on. at one point, the woman was mad at justin for not letting her in the house so she violently kicked at the door, which was when I opened my door to let them know that I was there. I kept wondering if I should offer to take the baby into my house while they sorted things out, or if that would be worse. and unfortunately in our stupid town, even though the police have nothing to do, it takes them upwards of a half hour or so to get to any domestic disturbances (we know from experience) and it appeared as though the woman was getting her things to leave.

she came back with an older woman - probably her mother. the older woman shushed the baby while the baby looked into justin's house and said hello to the kitty just like bella does. she pointed to things she thought were interesting out on the porch while justin and her mommy said unspeakable things, accused each other of doing too much coke, and came close to blows. finally, the woman got all of her things in the car and jerked the baby into her carseat and left.

the baby wasn't much older than bella, and she is so innocent. I know I should have either called the cops immediately or maybe I should have told them to be careful of the baby or maybe I should have just gone to sleep and put it out of my head. I keep seeing that little girl and thinking about how many other times she's been in that situation and how many more times she'll be in that situation and how many other babies are in worse predicaments right now...and it's more than I think I can bear at the moment. I have never in my life wanted to reach out and hug a baby who is a stranger to me more than tonight and yet there I stood, clutching the phone, not dialing, not keeping the door open...not doing anything, just frozen, watching this baby with snot running down her nose from crying seeing the kitty at justin's house and forgetting for a minute that the chaos was happening and just wanting to pet the cat...but not being able to because she's outside on the porch with her coat unzipped and no socks held by her grandmother who is telling her to be quiet and stop being a baby.

the world is more than I can bear sometimes.

picture pages

these pick up right after I last left off with pictures - from as far back as january. I know. shut up.

bella chooses which shoes she wants next:


she loves dance dance revolution:


new obsession - mini marshmallows (mawoahs):


eggerts, and yes, these are that old that this is from baby disco:


driving mr. noah at the PTM:


in front of the fridge, yo:


trent is half backwards man:


surprise!

junk food junkie

last night, sean went on his quarterly beer run up to The Best Beer Distributor In The World with his friend, buying cases and cases of microbrews and imports for distribution to about 25 guys. so it was me and bella.

she was awfully whiny. she only really stopped when I asked her if she wanted a snack.

she's got a pretty big vocabulary (which is going to be something I look back and laugh very wryly about, I think) but amazingly, and horrifyingly, alot of it revolves around food. now, I should preface this by saying she does say broccoli and cheese and pretzels, which are not that bad. however, she only needs to see the paper liners for cupcakes and she squeals "CUPCAAAAEE!!"

last night was no different. when snacktime came, she went through all the different snacks to choose from. cookies, pretzels, crackers, and "cream" - aka ice cream. we settled on cookies, or rather mini nilla wafers in a scooby doo box. I made the mistake of leaving them out last night, and this morning when I brought her downstairs to get her "coke" (coat) on so we could leave, she saw the box. and kept screaming "cookie! cookie!!"

she wouldn't leave without it (and I try hard to avoid tantrums) and she didn't necessarily push to EAT them, just to HOLD them, so I let her take the box to daycare. and she screamed if I took it away even for a second to buckle her into our out of the carseat, so she was pretty serious about it. she took them into daycare with her, but luckily, when she saw her friends, she let go of the box and went over to eat waffles.

I wonder if she'll use that box as her "lovey" now. as long as it stops being my boob, I'm cool with that.

I'm not irish, but my husband is, so I do have a little irish in me from time to time.

the irish-american culture is fascinating. I don't think anyone identifies so strongly to their roots as irish americans. and we're talking like 7 or 8 generations away from ireland, still they identify so strongly to being irish. or part irish.

my father was conceived in italy but was born in america. his father didn't come over until after he was born. my great grandmother only came over after many years and when she did, she refused to learn english. my dad, on the other hand, refused to speak italian.

my parents both grew up in south philly where an interesting intersection of irish folks and italian folks makes for alot of brawls. in some of the more isolated parts of south philly, it's their own brand of gang violence. the irish and the italians do not like each other at all, for no other reason than the fact that their parents felt that way because their parents felt that way because their parents felt that way.

without going into much more detail, suffice it to say that it wasn't the best news back in 2000 that my new boyfriend's name was sean milligan. but my family has tolerated sean's irishness pretty well, I think.

the funniest part? my mother's family is partially irish. "do as I say, not as I do."

happy st. patrick's day!

2 things real quick

1, bella is getting tubes next thursday. now instead of freaking out about giving her medicine and her being sick, I can freak out about her having minor surgery and anesthesia.

2, happy birthday katy!!! I feel priviledged to have met you in the flesh, and I can say that you, indeed, rock. and rock hard.

that is all for now. over and out.

oh, ps. you all are such a wonderful and supportive bunch of people. I do appreciate it even though it doesn't seem like I do.

pss. steve is not just sean's friend - he's my friend too. don't be afraid! say hello!!

surprise! a long post.

This weekend, we had a surprise 13th birthday party for trent. I know I didn’t mention anything about it – I think subconsciously I thought that if I mentioned it, it could possibly get back to him and I really wanted it to be a surprise. It was poker-themed, which makes me a horrible mother. In fact, on Friday, the local radio news station was playing this story about kids being addicted to gambling over and over again and I just felt awful. Oh well.

Instead of typing out everything that went on, I’m taking some excerpts of emails I sent to my email crue, lovingly called “tender morsels” (consisting of Nicole, mark, jen o, tracey (aka scuttleslut), and tom.)

he was surprised, which surprised me. there were about 23 kids there, including girls. we sent bella away with a friend of sean's, and it was only the 3 of us adults against all those kids. we ordered 5 pizzas and cut up 5 hoagies and had some chicken fingers and chips and whatnot, and hardly anyone ate anything. they were all too busy. as soon as trent came in, we started the games. they didn't let brett or sean up all night. I had to make them let me take a break twice to clean up all the soda cans and debris and to let the poor dog out.

they loved it. I think trent liked it too, but he's not especially emotive about things like that. at the end of the night, we asked them all what their point total was, and the one with the most points and the second most points got to pick from 3 best buy gc's of different values. the winner chose randomly the highest amount - $25. but the second place girl was complaining that she wanted me to just give her the one with the most money. and not in a cute way. I told her to pick, she got the lowest amount, and she bitched and complained, loudly, for the rest of the night. luckily she was only there for another 20 mins. (she also wanted cake as soon as she came in, and sean told her we had to wait, and then we didn't have time to cut the cake until about 9:45 and the party end time was 10pm. sean asked her if she wanted cake now, since she waited patiently all night, and she goes "uh, WHY would I want cake when there's only TEN MINUTES LEFT?? duh.")

so other than super bitchy bitch face, it was great. it's good we have a dog though, because on sunday, maggie buried her face in the couch and unearthed an entire piece of pizza that had been chewed up and spit out into a napkin which was folded nicely and shoved into the couch.

oh, and you should have seen our middle room. I moved all of bella's toys upstairs, and a bunch of stuff to the basement, and we had 3 folding tables - one long one for roulette, which I manned; one small one with a poker table top on top for texas hold em, which brett manned; and one medium one for blackjack, which sean manned. and there were 5 colors of chips, which seems like no big deal, until you can't remember if it's the blue ones that are 25 or the green ones, and you have to make change RIGHT NOW while a kid is screaming in your ear.


So that was Saturday. We were exhausted. On Sunday, some strange force overtook me and I started rearranging our furniture. I had decided that since we already bought a king sized bed specifically because bella sleeps with us, it was not necessary to keep up the rouse that she needs a crib, so until we make it into a toddler bed, I put it in the basement. Or rather, sean did. But while I was looking for the hardware bag for it, I cleaned out her closet, rearranged all of her toys, and cleaned out her old clothes. What a day.

On the bella front: last Tuesday, she had an appointment with a new pediatrician. He confirmed that her ears were infected again, and that had they been left much longer, they would have perforated. He put her on zithromax, which is a powerful antibiotic, and told us that the other doctors hadn’t been giving her the right kinds of medicine. On Friday, he wanted to check her ears to see how the medicine was working, and since it hadn’t worked at all except staving off the perforation, he gave her an injection of antibiotics. That’s the action of last resort. we took her in on Saturday to be checked again, but it wasn’t cleared up yet, so she got another injection. Yesterday, sean took her again to be checked, and for the first time in a long time, her ears are looking good. Tomorrow, we go to children’s hospital downtown to see a different ENT. I’m hoping the tubes are scheduled soon so we don’t have to go through another round of medicine or injections.

Because our appointment is so early, I asked Nicole and mark if they’d mind bella and I crashing at their house tonight, and they graciously said yes. so tonight, I’m off to casa de noah, land of both cheese and cheese haters.

Wish us luck.

(oh, by the way – the capitalization. No, I haven’t embraced the shift key. I typed this up in word instead of the blogger thingie. Stupid auto cap.)

it's just not working

first, kid news. trent got a haircut and he's looking very dapper. I have a sneaking suspicion that he's procrastinating on a project. bella is adorable as usual. she's very interested in saying hi and bye to things. hi, dog. hi, kitty. hi, dada. hi, trent. hi, baby. all while waving. it's cute. also, we went to the local ear nose and throat doctor, who told us to call him next time she has a substantial infection (her ears are mildly infected now) so we can schedule the tube procedure. he wants to see if she can wait it out till spring when ear infections tend to subside naturally. we'll see.

next, house news. I don't know what's going on. I'm too afraid to pull the trigger on a full-on addition. I think we're going to get a contractor out to give us advice and then figure out how much we need, see how much it costs, and then go from there. we'll see.

finally, brain news. I feel like a big fuckup for even mentioning it but it's what's on my mind and this is my goddamn blog, so.... and it's so like, look at me, see how fucked up I am, pity me, validate me. pathetic. I know we "all feel this way from time to time" and writing about it on some blog isn't going to help, no one is going to help, I have to do it myself and I need to get around to sucking it up and just fucking whatever already. I'm in the valley. between peaks. it's dark and uncomfortable and all of this sounds like bullshit. my life is unravelling but of course it will all be better once I get over it and then it will just sit there and wait till the next valley.

whatever. I'm not even going to go further. and please, I know you all mean well, but you don't have to try to make me feel better. it will just make me feel more stupid and vain and whatever. instead, tell me what kind of bread you like best.

hb, j!

happy birthday to JENO!

to say happy birthday, here are all the things I can think of that rhyme with jen.

hen
pen
sven
men
len
fen
ben
yen
zen
den
ken
ten

happy birthday, jen!

doca, hee, moo, fay, noon, fee, BEEP!

that's what bella says when she wants milk heated up in the microwave. the gibberish in the front is us counting down the seconds until the beep. it's done while pointing with her tiny little index finger at the digital display on the microwave. she also thinks that all appliances work in this way, so when she sees us put a piece of bread or her waffle in the toaster oven, she does her countdown and BEEP. it's like her cuteness button is stuck in the pressed position.

and I am "happy" to report that trent is, indeed, a teenager. we go from happy to angry in milliseconds. from pissed off to content in the blink of an eye. from pretty smart to really dumb with the snap of his fingers. it's hard to deal with - already. already!! I just try to take a deep breath before I respond to him. he really knows how to push my buttons sometimes and I have to remember who the adult is - meaning that I am, but more than that, that he isn't.

and...well...I don't have much else to report at this time. sorry this post is kinda lame.

game night

this past saturday, we celebrated trent's birthday by having a game night at my sister's house. it wasn't well attended, as my family is not much for caring about other people's birthdays, or existence, but we made the best of it.

I love game nights. I am not a horribly competitive person, but I have just enough fight in me to be a good game player. we started out playing a game called moods, which is so totally right up my alley. there are 10 cards on the board with different "moods" listed on them, like suspicious, sarcastic, silly, and even adjectives that don't start with S. when it's your turn, your job is to read an innocuous statement in the mood that is selected for you by a secret turn of the dice. the other players have to correctly guess what mood, of the 10 that are showing on the board, is the one you are portraying. it's hard to explain, but suffice it to say that you have to be pretty good at portraying a mood based solely on your line delivery and not on actions or the actual words that you're saying. anyone who knows me would probably say that I can get pretty expressive with my face when I want to. I am happy to report that trent has followed suit and is also very expressive - and that means that he and I were excellent at moods.

after moods, we played a game that nicole gave us last year called wise and otherwise. it's like balderdash, in that you have to try to come up with a plausible ending to a proverb or adage from a different culture. each person writes the ending they think others will accept as real, and then everyone votes. the adages themselves are pretty funny and difficult to figure out. again, you're probably totally clueless to what I'm saying but believe me when I tell you it's fun.

next, we played one of my favorite games of all time, pit. it's a card game about the stock market. the card suits are based on commodities of the time period that pit was invented - hay, flax, wheat, barley, etc. and the idea is to get all 9 cards in your commodity first by trading with other players. only no one takes turns - you're just all yelling out for trades of 2 or 3 or 5 or what have you. it seriously is the most fun game I've ever played.

and finally, a tip of the hat to boobecca - we played, and I have to get this right, dance dance revolution extreme II. they have 2 mats, so my niece chelsea and trent got to go head to head. I went head to head with my sister denise (yeah, denise, patrice...cute, huh?) and I totally won. actually she did but I don't think she reads this so it's easy to pretend I won. but I loved it and plan to buy it for our house so I can embarrass myself in private and maybe even get in shape. I have a feeling, though, that I'll buy it and play it like 3 times and then never use it again.

unless....

anyone up for game night??

catching up

last night, we had a couple over for dinner at our house.

it was my friend kristen and her husband brian. now, kristen I have known since first grade and through jr high and high school, we were inseparable. she was a rock when I found out I was pregnant (we agreed to go to the same college) and was like a second dad to trent when he was born. I say "dad" because that was more the dynamic she had with him. anyways, she's a really special person to me and has been for 25 years now.

sean's known brian since freshman year of college. they were college roommates and kept in touch even after brian left millersville.

it might seem like a weird twist of fate that my best friend growing up and sean's first college roommate wound up married. nope - not unless "fate" is mine and sean's middle name. and I'm sure our friends are tired of hearing it, but it was a big accomplishment that we brought them together. we told kristen that we had a guy in mind that would be perfect for her, and didn't tell brian a thing, and had them both over for dinner a few years ago. we unashamedly threw them together on the couch while we watched, of all things, deliverance. their hands touched when they both pet our dog at the same time, and, well, the rest is history. they married in july of 04 and are now pregnant. it's been wonderful to watch them grow together.

the thing I am most excited about, though, is the fact that kristen...well, to say it this way makes it seem like I am way ahead of everyone and that I'm like all high and mighty and stuff. but it's the way I've always thought of it so I hope no one gets upset when I say it's that kristen is catching up.

I think I may have said something like this when nicole got pregnant, too. having kristen reach this milestone had a weird effect on me. I was thinking about it last night and I think what it is is that I have always been comparing my life with hers. she's got a pretty great thing going on - she graduated from college (the college I was set to go to before I found out about trent) and has a great job. her parents are wonderful people - when I was an outcast with my family for a while, her parents invited me over for christmas and thanksgiving dinners and still send me and my kids cards for holidays. (in fact, they came to my wedding and bella's birthday party.) she has a nice house, a great husband, and life is really treating her well. she's got a lot of confidence and is well respected. she's someone I have always measured myself against, even though our lives are so different. not measured in the sense that I was trying to be as good as her or as happy as her, but I guess I just envisioned that she was living the life that I might have had, had things not turned out differently for me. I love trent and am grateful for his being here, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't often wonder what things would be like if I had not been blessed with him when I was...and for me, that meant kristen's life.

so for a long time, I have been waiting for kristen's life to look more like mine - I guess in some way it's to prove to myself that I have come a long way and that the things that seemed to matter 13 years ago may not be as important now. and since she's pregnant, I am thrilled for her and feel like things are finally getting caught up. I have always carried a tremendous amount of guilt around over how things turned out for me (and again, I have to stress that it's me I was disappointed in and not trent) and this has served to ease that for me for some reason.

trent turns 13 tomorrow. I wouldn't want my life any other way, and I know that now. but it's somehow liberating to me that my would-be doppleganger is catching up, and maybe now, I can put aside some of my baggage and enjoy my life as it is instead of as it might have been.

touching

weekend: dinner with the eggertses and jen and mark on saturday, as nicole described; a huge dinner on sunday at kkkkkkkkkkkkkkathy's and my dad's, as sean described; touching all the stuff they asked that we please touch on monday, again as nicole described. I really have nothing new to say.

well, except for the fact that, surprise! bella has....an ear infection! that's right. we didn't give her her medicine on monday because we forgot the morning and evening dose, and last night, she had a pretty intense fever. sean took off work today to stay home with her and the doctor says she has another pretty severe ear infection, worse than it was over a week ago when we had the last one. and this time, sean put his foot down. we have an ear-nose-throat appointment for march 6, and a new antibiotic in the meantime. we still have our ENT appointment for april 26 that we'll use as our second opinion - that is, if we don't get our tubes scheduled before then.

it's really ridiculous. this poor child is always sick and she's always in such good spirits. I'm sure nicole would tell you that at the museum, she was as happy as a clam. you would never know that she wasn't feeling well. I've had many, many ear infections - in fact, I've had tubes twice myself - and I know that they HURT. it hurts to tilt your head or lay down or have anything touch it. and you can't hear well and the pressure hurts and it's just miserable. and this poor baby has endured one after another after another and has been just a little angel about it.

poor thing. I hope she and sean managed to have some fun today. I'm sure she's not going to be pleased that she has to take medicine twice a day for another 10 days. nicole and mark witnessed a medication administration at their house on saturday night. it's not pretty.

in better news, sean and I wound up seeing brokeback mountain on saturday night, and I don't know when I've enjoyed a movie so much. I still keep thinking about it. I kept telling sean all weekend how much I loved it. it was a moving story and so transcended the gay cowboy theme. I'm not sure what about it touched me so much, but something did...I can't wait until it comes out on dvd so I can buy it and watch it again. and it was so lovely to see a movie at the ritz. the clientele is so different from all the theaters around here. when the previews are about to come on, even when the theater is packed (as it was that night) you can hear a pin drop, it's so silent. everyone respects everyone else's space and experience. no cell phones ringing, no kids running around, no teenagers (I should really be carrying around a cane and a 911 transmitter around, I sound so old) talking or throwing shit. I love it. so thanks again, nicole and mark, for the wonderful night.

we have homework from our talk with my dad on the addition. he already has plans drawn up. he's totally gung ho. it's going to cost a fortune, though, so I'm freaking out a little. we'll see how it shapes up.

I Guess I'm It

Sean here. I'll second being tagged, and I'll try not to double up on answers that Patrice already mentioned since a lot of them involve me too. It's all about variety.

Four jobs I've had:

Janitor
Truck loader
Librarian
Warehouse

Four movies I can watch over and over (only four?):

Goodfellas
A Clockwork Orange
Big Lebowski
Taxi Driver

Four places I've lived (all PA):

Philadelphia
Millersville
Chalfont
West Chester

Four TV shows I love:

Lost (couldn't help doubling up on that one)
My Name Is Earl
American Idol
The Simpsons (Seasons 1-9)

Four places I've vacationed:

New Orleans
San Diego
Edinburgh
Richmond

Four of my favorite dishes:

Fajitas (steak or chicken)
Burger and fries
Cheese steak hoagie w/ mayo
Bravo-style pizza

Four sites I visit daily:

Google
Hotmail
Netflix
Patrice's Baby Attack

Four places I would rather be right now:

Home
Vacation
Metal show
Brewery

I will also be back on Tuesday. Tonight, we go out to dinner with the Eggertses and see good friends Jen and Mark. I heard we are going to a place named "More Than Just Ice Cream". Sounds intriguing. I also heard that Nicole and Mark will watch Bella and Trent so that Patrice and I can go to the movies. How nice! Thanks, guys! It's a toss up between Brokeback Mountain and Capote.
Tomorrow, we visit Patrice's dad and Kkkkkathy to discuss home equity, lines of credit, and home improvement. Monday, I get an oil change, and while that is happening, hopefully, we'll do something fun as a family. It's not too often that we get two days in a row to spend together. Thanks goodness for President's Day.

I'm boooooored.

real bored. the friday before a long weekend is always one of the longest, dumbest days ever.

so. I read on TWoP that there's some freaky message you read if you get the book an occurrence at owl creek bridge and check the first word on pages 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42, which are the lost numbers. and I googled the hell out of that and can't find it. unfortunately, I don't have that just laying around somewhere. do any of you? it's driving me mad. oo, missuzj, you're a teacher...do you have it?

other than that....zzzzzz.

oh, you know? I think I was tagged for a [I refuse to call it meme] thingie. oh, all right.

Four jobs I've had:
legal secretary
office manager
marketing manager
busgirl at the dublin diner

Four movies I can watch over and over: (not many, by the way - these are a stretch)
clue
freddy got fingered
south park the movie
airplane

Four places I've lived: (christ - they are all in like a 5 mile radius)
hilltown, pa
perkasie, pa
hatfield, pa
lansdale, pa

Four TV shows I love:
project runway
amazing race
lost
the office

Four places I've vacationed:
canada
mexico
graceland
vegas

Four of my favorite dishes:
macaroni and cheese
wokoli, as in broccoli cooked in the wok
milkshakes
scalloped potatoes

Four sites I visit daily:
gmail
go fug yourself
strangeafeet (and all my blog peeps)
television without pity

Four places I would rather be right now:
ice skating
sleeping in a hotel room
playing with bella and trent
at the bank, cashing a $1million check

I'm off on monday, so have a great weekend and see you on teeeeuuuuuuuuuesday.

World's Worst Blogger

Remember me? Sean here. Of all the apologies I owe, the one to my wife is most important. Sorry, Patrice, for my blog neglect. You should know that I read as often as I can, and I'm usually too busy to ever post. That is not the case now, so here's my chance to say what I've been meaning to say for all of these days in a row when I haven't posted. Okay, no necessary build up here because I don't have anything big to say. In fact, Patrice has done one helluva job keeping us up to speed on life's goings-on or going-ons or goings-ons or something. Maybe I'll do one of those stream of conscience things that Patrice does so well just so that I can remember what I was thinking when I wrote this. Here we go:

I sorely miss Bella after not seeing her yesterday. I cherish this time in her life because I know that she'll never be this young again. A day I miss is a day I'll never get back.
I didn't see her yesterday (except for in her sleep when I got home) because I met up with an old friend named Mark, ex-roommate.
Mark was in the city last night with his band kicking of their 30 day tour of the U.S. with a show at The Troc's Balcony Bar.
Treated Mark and his band, Twilight Collective, to vegetarian Chinese food because I wanted to do something nice for a bunch of great people who are about to embark on a financially burdened road trip.
Saw them play and was really impressed with them and their openers. I'd describe their style as heavily hardcore influenced melodic rock. They treated me to a t-shirt as well as dedicating their final song to me in front of the audience and chanting my name on stage. They were showing their appreciation over dinner and the fact that I came out to see Mark after not getting together with him in over 6 years. He's a hell of an individual. In turn, I was flattered and appreciative. What goes around comes around and vice versa. Anyone watch My Name Is Earl? Love that show as well as the Office.
Still putting the pieces together after a rough Valentine's Day. Not only did I offend Patrice with my card to her and send her vase-less flowers in a box, but my computer crashed here at work. All is well though, now. The pieces have been put back together.
Lovin' the new heater and bed. Lovin' the fact that we've done so much with our starter row home, and there are so many more projects ahead of us. I just hope we can afford to get them all done. My attitude is all or nothing. I don't like half-assin' anything. If we commit ourselves, I want to go all the way, baby.
Got to visit my favorite record store last night (Relapse Record Store at 4th and South). Picked up a few gems that I can't wait to hear later: Kill The Client, Beneath The Massacre, Burst, Nasum, Mastodon, and finally...drum roll please...Facedowninshit. Sorry if that's offensive.
Trying to see as many Oscar nominated films as possible before the Oscars. Patrice thinks I'm a movie snob, but I'm more of a movie phanatic. A movie snob would not watch Four Brothers or Fantastic Four. I give everything a chance, but I sure will trash it if I don't like it. F4 wasn't too bad, but Four Brothers was not very good. Anyway, Patrice, Trent, Brett and I do this Oscar pool every year. The person who gets the most award winner predictions correct gets treated to dinner. For this reason, I like the Oscars. It's the only awards show that I give a damn about. Since I don't get to the movies often anymore (last one was King Kong...incredible), that limits me to the ones that are on DVD right now. There's only so much time in a day, so we do what we can. Besides, when we can't watch movies because we're caring for Trent and Bella, you can't complain about that. I mean, what better show is there than watching those two cute kids.
Finally, random cute things Bella has been doing lately: throwing away her trash; asking for her bath after dinner; helping me empty the dishwasher. Love that kid. Loving life!
Okay, so I'll talk to you all in a few months! Just kidding. I'll try to be better (I always say that). I don't want to be the world's worst blogger.

extreme makeover - row home edition

for those of you who don't know, sean and I own a row home in a philadelphia suburb. it is our first house, and we'd never buy it again today if we knew what we know now about it. as you do know, we just got a new heater, which is a nice thing for when we want to sell. it got us to thinking about all the other projects that we want or need to do in order to maximize our living arrangements and, ultimately, to sell it to some other unsuspecting yahoo.

we know we need to get some sort of home equity loan or line of credit in order to finance everything we want and need - a new stove (a need), a new deck (a want), to finish the kitchen, etc. and when it comes to matters of the wallet, specifically having to do with our home, we pretty much have to consult with my father. not because he holds the purse strings or anything (I wish) but because that's the way it has to be done.

my dad and I have a great relationship. now. growing up, let's say we didn't see eye to eye. not that I had alot of interaction with him. he and my mom were usually too busy with hating each other, loudly, or ignoring each other, pointedly, to have much to do with me. he has always been very opinionated and very controlling, and though he's softened quite a bit, there's still a little of that mean old dad in him. and of everyone I know, he knows the most about how to handle money. he'll definitely want to help us figure things out, but only if he's ultimately calling the shots.

(and by the way, that is the nicest, most understated paragraph about my father and his termperment and my childhood that I think I could possibly write. I'm kind of proud of myself.)

so I figured I'd broach the subject with my dad over the phone when he called - again - to ask how the heater was working and if I got my money's worth. I knew I wanted a deck and a new stove so I told him that sean and I were thinking of looking into home equity loans. and then I braced myself. I quickly added, "ofcoursewewanttoaskyouropinionfirst" before anything bad could be said. he did agree and then said something really quite extraordinary. he suggested that we put a new addition on our house.

I was floored. I mean, I always wanted to do that (we have room to build overtop of our kitchen - we'd have to bust out the back wall of our house and move our bathroom but it so totally could happen) but I honestly thought he'd laugh at me if I mentioned it. and I'm positive that he would have if I did, as this kind of thing usually has to start with him or it's not a good idea, if you know what I mean. but having his support of it without my even bringing it up was really exciting.

sean's not quite on board, and we'd have to make sure that we weren't fixing our house up so much that we'd never recoup our investment, but I can't tell you how great it would be to have a bigger, newer, more non-life-threateningly-wired bedroom than the extremely tiny one we have now. and a new bathroom? fageddaboudit. I'd be in heaven.

anyways, this weekend, we're going over to my dad's to discuss the pros and cons. I put together a list of all the things that need to be done to the house - it's 35 items long. I categorized them as big ticket, contractor, and DIY. there's not a ton of big ticket stuff, but a nice amount of contractor (ie, we can't do it ourselves) stuff and a long list of DIY (meaning I have to do it.) but when it's all done...we'll be living in paradise.

I can dream.

happy effin valentine's day

oh sean.

he tries so hard.

this morning, he left me a card and some chocolates. the card was really sweet, and he had even drawn little thought balloons coming out of the people's mouths. the last line of the card said something like, "but the best thing I've done was marrying you." and sean signed it, "nothing could be further from the truth. love, sean."

yes, you read that right.

when I called to ask what was up with that, he couldn't believe that's what he wrote. he swears he didn't mean it. I'm sure he didn't, but that doesn't stop me from laughing about it every time I talk to him and say "nothing could be further from the truth." it's an instant term of endearment.

he also sent me flowers - 3 big bundles of tulips. unfortunately, he either didn't include a vase or they forgot, so now I have 2 bundles shoved into a dirty vase I had in a drawer and one bundle in a plastic water bottle. when I told sean, he was so upset. he got even more upset when he found out that they came in a regular box - the point of sending your wife flowers at work is so that everyone knows you got flowers even before they get to your desk. when he found all of this out, he just sighed and said, "well...happy fucking valentine's day."

and I laughed and laughed until I was crying. which is the best kind of valentine's day gift I could get.

real quick

weekend in a nutshell:

14 inches of snow
103 fever (bella)
another double ear infection for bella
digestive failure for me
massive shovelling.

more later.

I used to...but now I...

missuzj gave us a writing assignment wherein you have to take 2 times in your life and compare them by using the phrases "I used to" and "but now I". I wanted to blog about it because this is precisely why I started this blog in the first place.

I began writing this blog (at the urging of friends) because I was pregnant again after an 11 year hiatus. I was really interested to explore the differences between then and now. and I never really did it...not specifically. I guess I do every day, but in a subtle way.

anyways, here's my homework:

I used to be afraid of what kind of mother I'd be, but now I am afraid that I won't be as patient as I was the first time around.

I used to wonder how I'd tell if trent were teething, or if he was happy, or how to gauge my parenting skills, but now I have the benefit of experience...11 years of experience, through potty training and first days of school...to help me through.

I used to buy copious amounts of toys at christmastime, but now I have no idea what to get my son AND I buy copious amounts of toys at christmastime.

I used to put my infant son on his belly to sleep, but now I freak out if I find my infant daughter anywhere but on her back.

I used to worry about just living day to day and providing for trent from hour to hour, but now I worry about day to day, hour to hour, and college.

I used to think I wasn't doing it right at all, but now I know I won't ever know if I'm doing it right and I don't really care.

I used to have 60 thousand stretch marks, but now I have 800 thousand.

I used to think I wanted a few more kids, but now I realize I have enough.

(sidenote, I had to run to the bathroom just now. I overheard a woman talking to another woman, one of whom was pregnant. besides the obvious ridiculous comments like "I know you've only got 2 weeks to go, I can tell because I see you've dropped" [which, blow me, even if you're my OB, you have no fucking clue] the woman was saying that she didn't understand why people were potty training their children so late. that some people are waiting until their kids are 2 and three years old. she blamed it on too many mothers working. first of all, we're in a work bathroom. second, you're talking to a person who is pregnant, working, and planning to continue to work. she actually then went on to say that the appropriate time for training a boy is 22 months, and a girl is 18 months. christ almighty.)

I used to think I knew nothing about raising kids, but now, apparently, I know it all.

but my favorite is:

I used to think I had only enough love for one child, but now I know that each child just makes your heart bigger.

dying to go home

yesterday, someone said to me, "have you heard about that stomach bug that's going around?" I said no - and then literally 5 hours later was doubled over in pain with stomach cramps. I had chills last night and was quite achy. I got up this morning feeling pretty much okay, and since I had stuff to do today (including dinner with a woman I just met in the same industry as me) I dragged myself to work.

bad idea.

so now I'm just holding on until I can drag myself home. I'm just hoping I can make it home in time.

man, I hope this isn't like the ring, where now that I've heard about it, I get it, and then if I tell someone else, THEY get it. wouldn't that be nuts? (sorry in advance and let me know if you get it too. we can write the screenplay together. I want to write the scene where the protagonist gets caught in a public restroom with no toilet paper and a stall door that doesn't lock.)

hey hey you you get offa my cloud

paranoia status - red alert! if you look at me with a blank stare today, rest assured that I will, in about 4 minutes, have figured out at least 8 reasons why you hate me and what you're saying to others about me.

in other news, our mattress is breaking in quite nicely, I'm happy to report. it's still unfortunate for sean, who does not have the benefit of the space foam stuff on his side of the bed (his third of the bed, actually). well, actually, I don't think he really cares about the foam stuff. the mattress itself is encased in canvas and not whatever silky material normal mattresses use, and it has to break in, apparently. the foundations come in tomorrow, I think, and then all will be right with the world.

in heater news, I took a shower today with all kinds of hot water. AND the heat was on. it was alarming at first when we got home last night (sean, trent and I went to a sixers game in my company's club box - medium pimpin!) as we found brett and bella "asleep" on the couch while the stench of natural gas almost knocked me over. the pilot lights in the stove were out, and must have been out for a while. well, actually, I think our installer guy just never re-lit them. in his defense, he was at our house until after 9pm installing everything. so the re-lighting of the pilot lights (and the re-putting on of our storm door, and the putting back of our radiator covers) just didn't get done. the heater itself though looks HYPER NEAT. it's like, the house is old and everything is old in it and BAM! NEW HEATER! CAN YOU DEAL WITH THAT, MOTHAFUCKAAAAS??? in other words, it's a very nice selling point.

to that end, we are in the process of putting together a list of all the things that we'd like to fix in our house, and maybe getting ourselves some home equity whatev to finance doing it all. my guess is that we'll put the list together, take a look at it, then laugh our asses off. in a sense, it's like polishing a turd. I don't know. we'll see how it goes.

for now, though, we're just going to bask in the glow (literally!) of our heater.

been there, done that

the weekend came and went so quickly that I hardly had a chance to bitch about anything. friday night, I went grocery shopping, which is THE thing to do, apparently. I mean, I know nicole does it, but I thought she did it because the stores are kind of empty then. perhaps it was because I was shopping before super bowl (r) sunday, but it was ca-roooow-ded.

saturday, we had yet another pajama day. when sean came home at 3:30, I lounged around and finally decided what I was going to do with "my" night, since sean was giving me the night off. I wound up bleaching the ends of the sides of my hair (hard to explain) for almost 2 hours (and no, it doesn't look bleached, fucking stupid feria bleach blond my ass) and reading, then going out to, of all places, ruby tuesday's in the mall to have dinner while reading. after sitting at the bar with my book and looking suitably spinsterish for an hour and a half, I went out into the mall to continue and hopefully finish my book. unfortunately for me, the mall closed before I could finish so I finished it at home while the boys watched flight plan. which - dumb. anyways, the mall was also good for some people watching. or teenager watching, more aptly.

I remember being that loud and that obnoxious and not caring how the rest of the world saw me. I remember being that awkward and that naiive and not worrying about anything other than what was happening right that second. but holy shiza, I do NOT remember wearing things so skimpy. maybe it's me getting older, I keep trying to figure it out. but some of these young girls, holy shit. it's crazy.

anyways, sunday, we went to an overcrowded baby disco with nicole and mark and noah, and then to their house to watch the superbowl. mark, sean, and trent watched all of the game, I watched some of the game, nicole watched none of the game. in fact, sean and I laughed as she called it "the football". I was a little disappointed that our take-out restaurant of choice (slack's hoagie shack) was only using their deep fryer to prepare wings, which I don't eat. that meant everything I had tried to order - fries, a chicken tender hoagie (??!!), and these thingies called "teezers" which are cheese-filled tater tots - was not able to be ordered. instead I got a cheesesteak with onions that were supposed to be fried but were not (and so repeated on me allllllll night and into today) and mushrooms. it was okay but it was no teezers and chicken tender hoagie. oh well.

today our heater is being replaced. this could go one of two ways - really excellent or really non excellent. I am hoping it will be really excellent borderline hyper neat. it will be nice to not have to worry about having the heat on at the same time you're trying to get the shower water hot. we'll see. I'll let you know.