one more weird thing.

real quick. I realized as I was going through my pennies that I do have another quirk. I collect old money. or money I think is old. I got a $20 the other day that isn't the "new" 20 and therefore I won't spend it. I am going through my pennies now and keeping all the ones from 86 or older. I will spend the others (ie, put them in a change jar until I go to a bank and have them sort it for me) but I will keep the old coins.

I've always done this and I know somewhere (I am not sure where, though, which is bad) I have some really old money in good condition. I don't intend on selling it or finding out if it's worth more than what it is, I just like the idea of holding on to something so tangible and imagining where it was before it came to me.

anyways.

good GOD, or "very small paraphrased tribute to paula abdul"

as in, I take two steps forward and then two steps back.

I really don't mean to be so negative. I swear. sometimes, though, I really have no choice.

the mattress. it was a fiasco.

on the plus side, bella slept reasonably well. we had oceans of room between sean and I and bella had plenty of room to maneuver. she actually slept longways between us for a good part of the night.

but holy shit, the drama. the goal was to have a larger bed that was closer to the ground in case bella rolled off the side. the pieces of the puzzle were as follows: we had one king sized mattress, one "king" sized set of slats from ikea (which were actually 2 sets of twin slats) that are to be used instead of a boxspring or foundation, one bed frame that doesn't accommodate king sized mattresses, and one twin boxspring from trent's bed that he no longer uses. it was my intent to somehow find the best and/or cheapest and/or easiest way to figure out what pieces of the puzzle were missing to complete the picture of a beautiful new king sized bed in our bedroom.

my first thought was to simply buy another twin sized boxspring to pair with the one we have, and to place them on the floor, and put the mattress on top. so I called a local furniture place that sells mattresses fairly cheap, and asked if they had one. of course, the guy wants to sell me more (which is an interesting byproduct of shopping locally - the local businesses are starved for customers and want to squeeze every drop out of anyone who buys) and asks me what kind of bed I have, et cetera. I did find out that a boxspring is different than a foundation, in that it, oddly, has springs - and that it is significantly more expensive than a foundation. I finally get off the phone with him and call sean and ask him to run over and get a foundation. he calls me from the place - seems that king sized foundations are in fact twins that are slightly longer, as king mattresses are slightly longer than twin. fuuuuuuck.

plan b - don't buy another foundation, buy a king sized bed frame and use the ikea slats we have on it to create a foundation. so sean buys a $50 frame and brings it home. and we're done!

juuuust kidding.

so I go up and put it together. it takes FOR EVER. I get it all into place and then get the first set of twin-sized slats on the frame. the problem is, the frame has crossarms that don't extend all the way to the end of the frame itself. it leaves about 5 inches of frame without a crossarm. so there's nothing to support a slat for 5 inches at either the top or bottom. okay, I figure we can live with that. so I go to put on the other side's slats and find that THEY OVERLAP. by about 1/4". and there are so many slats that they can't alternate on the middle frame. it sounds complicated but trust me when I say there's no way it was going to work.

plan c - bite the bullet and buy 2 "twin" long foundations from the furniture store, which closes in 15 mins. except sean forgot to mention that they don't HAVE any of those in stock and that they won't get them for a week. but they will allow us to return the bed frame. so I go upstairs, resigned to my fate, and try to put the frame back into the tiny box it came in.

many years later, I screamed and finally gave up and left it for sean to deal with (sorry sean) and put the slats directly on the floor, with the mattress on top of them.

3 things were apparent. one was that the bed was HUGE and some furniture rearranging was definitely in order. which, now that we have carpet, is difficult. the second was that the bed was REALLY low. like, while laying on it, I couldn't see my alarm clock on top of my nightstand. (which made for a lovely 10 minute delay in my getting to work today, because I refused to have my alarm clock on the floor.) it also made getting in and out of bed for us big folk extremely difficult. I am happy to report, though, that the littlest of us loved it. that being the dog, who couldn't get up on the bed herself before, and bella, who thought it was really cool to run onto the bed and off it again.

the third thing didn't really strike me until the middle of the night, but even at that first lie-down on the mattress, I had a feeling it was coming. it's not as comfortable as the one in the showroom.

in fact, it doesn't feel at all as comfortable as the one in the showroom.

I keep telling myself that it'll break in and feel wonderful, and the room it gives should more than make up for the comfort. and that I can get a foam egg crate thingie, or use the foam thing I already had that is full-sized (and I guess sean is screwed. in bed! how apropos.)

I'm not sure what tonight's slumber will bring. I just hope that next week, I'll tell you that everything is fine, and we have a bed we love.

you got me all wrong

so I posted yesterday what was supposed to be a stream of consciousness kind of thing. and I think I gave the impression (rightly so, in rereading it) that everything was crap and that I was not doing well. I am totally not playing for sympathy (this time). I'm sorry I gave the impression that I was so down. I'm a little overwhelmed, I suppose, but that wasn't the impetus. to business-jargon it, it was a "brain dump" which sounds totally disgusting.

thank you all for your concern. you're some damn good peoples.

so today, the king sized mattress that I mentioned yesterday was delivered. the window for the delivery time that they gave me was "between 11 and 3". sure nuff, 2:55pm, they come knocking. they bring the mattress in and basically flop it in the living room. I asked them if they could take it up to the upstairs hallway at least and they looked like they wanted to smother me. they grudgingly took it up, smashing it into my banister and bending it all crazy ways. the light in the hall kept going on and off, on and off, on and off as they dragged the mattress across the switch. they got it up there and came down and I gave them a crisp $10 for their efforts and immediately felt like an asshole. (I am so bad with tips when there isn't some sort of widely-known precedence set. 20% at restaurants, I get that. no prob. but like haircuts? my dude is $35 and I tip him $15, which seems like alot, but maybe not? I hate figuring shit like that out.) anyways, now we have a mattress in our hallway. baby steps. one day, we may actually be able to sleep on it.

I am pleased to report that bella is taking her new crazy-high-powered antibiotic like a champ. it's a once a day thing that doesn't get refrigerated, which I think is really the key. one time a day to hold her down, and it's not ice cold. she doesn't drink her milk cold and I think that the coldness actually hurts her teeth or something. I actually have no idea and am pulling ideas straight out of my ass. all I care about is that she takes the medicine without screeching or writhing.

in cuteness news, bella is the "tiny mimic" from yesterday's post. she's repeating everything I say, which is I guess good and bad. mostly good. sean and I have become very good at turning off the cursing at a moment's notice when trent is around (unless road rage is happening, then all bets are off) so we've already got the censoring stuff down pat. yesterday, she asked for "cuppa" which means a sippy cup. I asked if she wanted juice or milk, and she said "milk". then I asked her if she wanted milk or juice, and she said "juice". then I asked if she wanted juice or poop, and she said "poop". so it's kind of fun.

she also has decided that right after dinner is bath time. she loves her bath, and she's made her own routine that consists of "eating" dinner (using a fork for the first few minutes, eating a little, then smearing the rest with her fingers, finally culminating in throwing whatever food is left over the edge and calling the dog) and then doing the sign for "all done", followed by yanking off her bib and saying "BAT!" at first, I thought she was asking for brett, and even called brett to say "she's asking for you!" and then I realized she wanted a bath - mostly when she kept saying it over and over and ignoring brett on the phone and going to the steps and trying to rip her shirt off. ohhhhhhhh, BATH. so last night she pours her couscous on the floor for the dog, rips her bib off and says BAT! and we took her up to the bath, and she got in, and she played around, and then...she pooped in the bath. sean got her dressed and ready for bed while I scooped out the turds from the tub and placed them in the toilet. oh these crazy kids.

so in closing, I'm sorry to have alarmed any of you and I really do find it so sweet that everyone is always so supportive of each other. I love you, blogiverse.

breakdown

double ear infection (bella)
sinus infection w/a side of strep throat (me)
a new king sized bed from ikea - wednesday
waiting for my review at work
cat vomit
bella points to her eyes, ears, nose, teeth, hair, belly, feet
tiny mimic
blog insecurity
pediatrician runaround
egos
too much talk of a new huge house with one tiny flaw
hormones
exposure to higher management
exposure to mold from neglected humidifier
career insecurity
huge pills
crappy pens
probiotic yogurt vs. antibiotic medicine
idiots - crazy annoying idiots
headache
DVR freakiness
"new" stereo
turn the page
make dinner
crazy antibiotic (bella) doesn't need to be refridgerated
cough medicine
cat and dog stickers
weight gain and weight loss
dreaming of vacation
home equity loan
deck
cat door to the basement
dog poop outside
bleached hair
general malaise
discontentment
dischord
disarray
disposable
dispensation
diss

fracturing

so weird!

so, jen "tagged" me, which I feel stupid even writing. oh well. she did. to say it in jargon, "it is what it is."

anyways. 5 things that are weird about me. and I have to limit it to 5?

okay. I'll start with this one, as it is just so ironic that jen, the space lady, is the one who asked. I am afraid of telescopes. to the extent that I have only gathered the courage to look in one once before, at the franklin institute. after holding someone's hand while taking deep breaths, I looked - and found that because of the time of day and/or angle of things, it was trained on a nearby office building. I saw a copier. I don't know what it is about them, I just get freaked out. I guess it's just that for me, *knowing* that things exist outside of our little earth cocoon and SEEING it are two very different things. I have the same misgivings with microscopes for the same reason, but I guess since it's less heady to accept (at least to me) I am able to put it aside and take a look. but it's always with a deep breath and an accelerated heartbeat. oddly enough, before I became a mother, I was off to college to become a biologist. biology was my favorite subject in high school. go figure. at least it wasn't astronomy.

number 2. I like everything to be straight. I am not OCD, but I am pretty fanatical about things being straight. it's more on my desk than things in my home, (as anyone who has been to my home can attest) but even there I have my issues. I am a big fan of everything in its right place, to the extent that sometimes at work I cannot concentrate if there is something amiss in my immediate surrounding. maybe this is why I hated working from home so much. I just like to have everything organized and STRAIGHT.

number 3. I love infected wounds. I'm not going to go into much detail here, but I think maybe after my midlife crisis in a few years, I may rededicate myself to being some sort of doctor. a doctor that lances boils or digs out ingrown toenails. ask sean. I really do love it. and I love to peel skin. I'm way more fanatical about peeling skin than I am about anything else. if I see someone who is sunburnt and peeling, even if I don't know them, I have to resist the urge to run up to them and start ripping their skin off. seriously. it's a real problem. sean is usually good for a nice burn at least once a summer, and I am all over him like a cheap whore at a banker's convention trying to pick at it until he finally relents and allows me to peel him like a banana. is that weird or just gross? please don't answer that. and please forget I wrote this paragraph.

number 4. I prefer listening to pop music from the 70s to almost all current popular music.

number 5. my biggest "vice" is drinking soda. I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, I don't drink coffee. I guess I would probably make a good mormon, except for the sex part. I think I would probably be a huge smoker if I allowed myself to be, and I'd probably become addicted pretty quickly to coffee if I allowed myself to be as well. the alcohol, I don't know. my parents drink nearly every day, but never ever get drunk. like wine or beer with dinner, and that's it. however, they both have alot of alcoholics in their families, including some of their parents. especially on my mom's side. it's more of an addictive personality than anything else, I think. I get addicted to things quite easily, though it's balanced out by my extremely fickle nature.

so I guess I'm kind of a freakish OCD wussy priss. aren't you glad do you don't have to live with me every day?

finally.

as I mentioned, our first stop on our vegas trip was to the Travelodge South Strip. and what a hotel it was!

here are our lovely accommodations. (help me to remain sane by ignoring the orb.)



what a view!



the view out of the bathroom was impressive, as well. (it was not raining.)



state of the art heating and cooling.



and the extras! take a look at the spa quality hospitality basket in the bathroom. specially labelled so you know what to use where!



now, we fast forward to the best part of the trip, meeting the utahnians! I'm angry I didn't take more pictures. I thought I had, but lo and behold, no. especially of kodi, since there's only one of her. sorry, kods! (can I call you kods?)

rebecca, aka missuzj, checks out bella for the first time.



a sean's eye view of the table. and this proves I really like rebecca because I'm posting this picture despite how awful it makes my arms look.



it's katy!



the lone picture of kodi. sorry!



katy, bella, trent



missuzj outside with bella



katy outside with bella



the UTAH CONTINGENT



kiri and the copper man - check that face out. she clearly hates him.



but look, she's a good sport.





sadly, that's all I have of the festivities. these are all just random pictures of the rest of our visit.

a guy took this picture of us and didn't use the flash. whatev.



kodi, becca, et al - this is for you. state of the art karaoke machine at FAO Schwartz.



this is for nicole. remember when we were at jen's pollyanna thingie and you got the stuffed whatchamahicky? it has a name. anyways, this is the huge floor-cushion version.



bella at the fashion show mall behind treasure island.



vegas, baby!



crayon head. (it's not a vein. it's blue crayon from planet hollywood.)



gonna gitcha!



sunrise, caught on film as sean was busy puking his lungs up in the bathroom.




well, now that you sat through like 25 pictures, I hope you're still alive and able to scroll.

molar express

bella has been a snot factory lately, with snot pouring out of her nose and now out of her eyes, too. it's all snot all the time. and the crankiness...oh the crankiness. I was afraid that perhaps she has another ear infection, but then she bonked her head on the table. as she was screaming on my lap, I got an opportunity to see into her mouth. lo and behold, even though she only has 4 other teeth, she's getting a molar.

of course, my first thought was that she is only going to have those 4 front teeth (two on bottom, two up top) and molars. and how we'd have to find money to get fake teeth for her, and we already have to get a new heater and I really wanted to move to a bigger house and I guess we won't be going on vacation ever again and et cetera et cetera. then I calmed down and reminded myself that teeth don't come in on schedule and it's nothing to be worried about. and so, of course, I am still worried and will continue to be until other teeth come in.

and how weird would it be to have only molars and 4 front teeth? you know how people's mouths look when they have no teeth, how their lips are all sunken in and stuff? would you look like that? or would the front teeth be able to support the lips? hm.

at any rate, I filled bella up proper with ibuprofen and even though she's still cranky as hell and snotty and doesn't sleep, at least it's not for no good reason. 2 points of the molar have come through so far, and hopefully the rest will come in quickly or at least with less pain that the other two.

in other news, all of my laundry is done - seriously, all but what I wore yesterday - and yet this morning, when I got dressed, I still couldn't find anything to wear. what is my problem? I can't even fit all my clothes into my drawers and closet and yet nothing seems like it's quite right. I know all the ladeez can relate. what I really need is to find someone my exact same size with my exact same style and swap clothes with her every once in a while.

today, I really really want to remember to download pictures. again, I don't know what my problem is. it's not like going into the basement is walking across hot coals or is forty million miles away. well, there is some peril. there are sometimes these gigantic spiders (they are so big that the first time I saw one, I thought someone had left a halloween spider ring on the floor) and sometimes these big ugly grubs down there. I don't know how the grubs get in (AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW) or why they and the spiders only come out sometimes, but needless to say, if I don't have to go down there, I don't go. and sean doesn't know how to download the pictures. it wouldn't be hard to tell him, but then there's my naming convention and the deleting of pictures and the uploading to snapfish that has to occur, and I quite honestly don't feel like relaying all that info either. so due to no one's fault but my own, I am the only one who can do it.

but...I will wear heavy shoes and do it tonight. I think.

the best medicine

so things haven't exactly been paradise in our house lately, as I've been reporting. sometimes you have to find things to laugh about.

sean loves this jethro tull song "locomotive breath" (which sean calls "locomotor breath" and I like that better, but oh well.) he's a big fan of the jazz flute in any song, and especially this one. he gets so into music, and I love seeing how his brain works. he was talking about it in the car on the way to or from one of the many places we had to visit this weekend, and he said, very seriously, "you know, it just sounds like a train! chug chug chug chug chug chug, you know? it's...it's... it's like a train with flutes flying out of it." oh how I laughed.

I quite often call sean a dork. it sounds awful, I know, but it's a term of endearment. (we often use inappropriate words to describe how we feel about things we love, sean and I. including loving our dog so much we want to bash her head in. things like that. you just have to know that's the way we are.) I called sean a dork in the car (we spent alot of time in the car this weekend) and he said, "no I'm not." and we went back and forth until sean said "I'm no dork!" so then trent says "I didn't know there was a 'no' dork." oh, the kid, he's funny.

and then there's baby bella, who, while not quite a comedienne yet, has us always giggling. she's learned how to do shhhhh, and always does it with this smile like she's hiding something. and she's taken to shaking her head back and forth and making herself laugh hysterically.

but while laughter is the best medicine, I think the two things that made me feel the most human and the least unhappy were seeing bella catching site of trent and breaking out into a gigantic smile, and watching sean see bella do something cute and seeing his eyes get moist because he just loves her so much.

bracing for the red tide

yesterday, I was so incensed by something stupid that happened at work that I was about to burst into my boss' boss' office to scream about inequity and storm out after I resigned. and instead, when jarrett came over to ask me if I wanted to hit up the vending machine, my focus instantly changed to bursting into a candy bar and storming a bag of chips. I hate when the fucking cliches are true. nothing irritates me more than someone saying that I seem irrational so my period must be coming - nothing except someone saying that and it being fucking true.

it really seems lately like I have one good week out of the month. or cycle, if you will. it used to be that the week before and week of my period were bad, but now it's 2 weeks before and the week of. which leaves the week after as the only week where nothing is bloated, no one is going to be killed, and everything isn't completely falling to shit (and why don't we just pack a few things up and move and start over since there's no hope here.) it's getting ridiculous.

there's the mental stuff, and there's the physical stuff. I'm off all forms of caffeine and chocolate and dairy and fried goodness. I always wondered if I could hack it being a diabetic because I hate restricting myself, but pain and the idea of something causing a severe physical reaction makes that alot easier. not that I'm as bad as a diabetic - hell no. what I'm saying is that normally I couldn't stop myself from drinking a soda or eating some chocolate, but when I know it's going to make me double over in pain and chain me to the bathroom, it's much much easier to pass it up. as I mentioned before, my gynecologist says the pain is from endometriosis that is growing outside my colon and intestines (diagnosed with his magical psychic powers, negating the necessity for an actual internal exam or any tests whatsoever). and as I may have mentioned, he also said that chocolate and caffeine have nothing to do with that, and shouldn't have any effect on my, ahem, bowels. poppycock!

when sean had food poisoning, or "dehydration" as they like to call it (saves time and lawyer's fees!), the clinic thoughtfully gave him flyers on how to treat nausea and how to treat diarrhea. the diarrhea one says specifically that he should not eat things that stimulate the bowel, such as CHOCOLATE AND CAFFEINE.

so. because I have to be my own pathologic health sleuth, I have these pieces of evidence: my IBS is much worse and pronounced after ovulation and during my period. things that make the condition worse are typical things that stimulate the bowel. the symptoms subsided by at least 80% when I was pregnant and nursing heavily, or in other words, when I didn't get my period. so the triggers are more IBS related and the timeline is hormonal. add to the physical stuff the fact that I seem to have some level of depression which gets worse around my period, but never really goes away. these aren't crazy symptoms and not at all unique, so how is it that it's been years and no one has been able to suggest anything to me besides getting pregnant again or eating more bran?

I think the solution is clear. I need to get a sex change.

afternoon delight

as in, a quickie.

I've still not really caught up on my reading, but I'm getting there. vegas seems like such a distant memory now, as do the holidays. speaking of, we had sean's company holiday party this past friday night. I know. yeah. it was weird, seeing festive decorations and tree ornaments when I'm so totally over it. the head of sean's area sounded so lame when he wished us all a "happy holiday season" during his little speech. dude - really - we know it's no longer the holidays. it's okay to acknowledge it.

this weekend, we visited nicole's mom's house, even though she wasn't there. I still remember the roads to her house like the back of my hand, and still had flashbacks of high school while trying to explain to mark and sean that carol's walk-in closet used to be nicole's room. in fact, we had a closet party, where the kids pulled out shoes and clinique and sucked on bath and body works spray while we sat on the floor surrounded by color-coordinated clothes (and the largest rack of business jackets I've ever seen outside of a store) reminiscing and jibba jabbin. we seriously spent like an hour in the closet. it was hyper neat.

on monday, I scheduled a much-needed massage, after waking up yet again to an extremely painful back. I say it like I have a back problem, when really, I have a bed problem. or bed occupant problem. as it's getting cold again, and as bella's getting belligerent again, our bed inhabitants include a large husband, a cranky scream machine, a dog that likes to sleep only on my side of the bed sideways, and a cat that takes up any room the dog leaves. and I try to contort my body in such a way that I am still under the covers and technically on the bed, however mangled my form is. so naturally I wake up feeling like I just slept in the south strip travelodge all night.

so instead of a gift certificate to a spa massage place, sean got me (last MAY for chrissakes) a gc for the massage therapy place near our house. and let me tell you something - the knots may be gone, but holy shit. I feel like someone grabbed me and beat the shit out of me, only they insisted I face away from them. I am SORE. in a good way, I guess, because the knots are gone. and who knew it would hurt so bad to get the (previously undiscovered) knots out of my forearms? holy shiza. stine, is this what you do when you massage people? is it supposed to hurt so good?

anyway, refreshed from my massage and feeling good, albeit sore, I walked out of the massage therapy place and immediately hurt my back by missing the very first step out of the door. fucking DUH. seriously, it was like "wow I feel so go-WHOOOOOOAAAAA shit fuck ouch" and not to mention I looked like a fool on one of the busiest streets in town. oh well. it never lasts.

remember me?

I remember you.

so much to say. (that now makes 3 song titles in a row used in this post.)

let's start at the very beginning, as I hear it is the very best place to start. friday, I left work early, and finished packing. we wanted to leave ourselves enough time to stop at nicole's to pick up the stroller, get to the parking thingie, and have plenty of time in the airport to check in and go through security, and hopefully to eat something, since they don't serve food on planes anymore. we had expected some traffic, as we were heading into the city on friday night at around rush hour. and we did get stuck in traffic for a half hour - ABOUT 5 MINS AWAY FROM OUR HOUSE. so of course, I started to panic. but we got there in good time, we picked up the stroller, we parked in the lot, and we made it to the airport on time. they couldn't find our tickets, which was panic-inducing for the 10 or so minutes it took to get things straightened out. we ate in a stupid restaurant in the terminal that didn't have room for luggage (duh! you're a restaurant in an airport terminal!!! you need room for people's carryon luggage!!!) and got on the plane first, due to bella. however, we sat on the runway for an hour...but bella was pretty good about it. she slept for most of the flight, on the floor, under the seat in front of me, like luggage.

we got to vegas okay, albeit very late. we took a cab to the travelodge, and please believe me when I tell you that you should never EVER stay at the vegas south strip travelodge. the rule was that the kids were not allowed on the carpet without their socks on.

saturday, we hit the strip early. so early, in fact, that nothing was really going on. we had breakfast at some america cafe, that had a big giant 3D map of the US. apparently, nevada is only known for reno and vegas, and pennsylvania is known for pittsburgh, the liberty bell, and washington's crossing. (iowa had like tumbleweeds, I think, and this really weird circus looking thing. what the hell is that?) I can't remember what utah had but I do know it wasn't polygamists, to my surprise. and texas had a whole mess of stuff. anyways.

trent and sean rode the manhattan express roller coaster at ny ny, we played video games, we walked all the way up the strip from ny ny to past treasure island and the wynn. it was a looooong walk and a lonnnnnnnnnnng day. we rested at the travelodge for a millisecond and then headed to fremont street for dinner. we ate in a hokey old timey casino's steakhouse with all the rest of the senior citizens. the food was eh. we watched a stirring americana something or other (complete with ear-splitting piercing eagle cry) on the big overhead arch thingie and then paid the $20 cab fare back to the 'lodge to sleep.

sunday, I had an interview for work, and while I did that, sean moved us out of the 'lodge and into the paris hotel and casino. I will say this for the travelodge - it made the hotel at the paris seem like staying at the four seasons. "look! nothing weird in the tub!! the water in the sink turns off! there's no weird stains on the bed! the TV has a remote!!"

of course, the highlight of sunday was meeting the utah contingent. the place rebecca picked was not near the strip, which was great. it was good to see that real people live in las vegas. when we arrived, they were already nestled into a big table in an alcove, and they had ordered a huge plate of fried stuff for us to eat. I know missuzj already said it, but meeting them felt easy and natural. they were just as I thought they'd be (except I hadn't seen a picture of kodi that did her justice) and we had great conversation. katy was amazing with bella, holding her and helping wrangle her, and she has this really great laugh. rebecca has a really sing-song voice that is soothing, and her hair is just as excellent as it looks on her blog. kodi was super cool and kiri was really pretty. we had lunch and just bullshitted for a while, then they waited for our cab to arrive, and we all headed back to the paris. we walked through the shops, stopping in a baby store to look at things that were all really ridiculously priced, and then when we got to bally's, sean, trent, kiri, and katy took bella and window shopped while kodi, becca and I gambled for like 15 minutes. it was great. we watched becca win $100ish while I lost every goddamn penny I put into a machine, and kodi taught me the wonder that is wheel of fortune, slot style. I was so sad to see them go. I didn't really have a reason to go back to vegas again before I met them - now sean and I both want to go again and hang with them.

monday was the first day of my conference, and sean took the kids to circus circus' indoor amusement park, which I suppose was amusing. not much for bella to do, poor kid. although sean reported that she got bum rushed by some kid named austin. after the conference, we went to dinner at the paris buffet. we are not really buffet people, but we wanted something quick so we didn't have to wrangle bella as much. after dinner, we took bella and trent up to the room, put away all harmful things, and let trent babysit while we went down to finally gamble together. when we got downstairs, we miraculously ran into nicole's mom carol and her friend claudia. they invited us to breakfast, and we got to gambling. sean played some online blackjack and we both did slots. we were down a bit of money before going back up to rescue trent from the bella monster.

then the fun really began.

at 3am, I woke up to a weird sound. it was like muffled yelling or something. the light was on in the bathroom and sean wasn't in bed. I went into the bathroom to see him praying to the porcelain goddess, vomiting like I have never heard or seen him vomit. he was ashen and shaky. he'd been in there a few times already, apparently. I did what I could, he got sick some more, and he went back to bed. he woke up a few more times violently ill, and by 6am, I knew I had to get him some water. I called nicole (it was 9am there) and asked her to look up symptoms for food poisoning, and he had all of them. I went to get him the water downstairs and talked to the concierge to tell them what happened. they sent up a security guard, who took a report from sean. he offered to have sean sent to a medical facility to be checked, but he was feeling better. he downed a gatorade and some water after the guard left, only to violently throw it up about an hour later. he was so shaky and faint and so sick that I called back down to the concierge and asked them to send the guard back up to take sean to the medical facility - and told them I wanted them to bring a wheelchair, since I didn't think sean would make it on his feet.

I stayed in the hotel room with the kids while sean was waiting to be seen at the clinic. finally, they saw him and told him they'd give him IV fluids. I took the kids out to caesar's so we didn't go nuts in the room, and after nearly 2 hours of fluids and 2 prescription medicines for nausea and diarrhea, they sent sean back to the hotel. I met up with him and he assured me that he could watch the kids while I tried to catch the second half of the day at the convention. by evening, he was still quite weak and tired, so I took the kids out to dinner and shopping at the aladdin. there's more to this story, which I'll tell you later.

wednesday, we woke up and went to the airport for breakfast and our flight. bella fell asleep before the flight took off at 11am pacific, and she stayed asleep for the first half of the flight, on the floor again under the seats. then she woke up and wanted to explore the plane. she walked up and down the aisle, touching people's legs and arms lightly as she went. some people thought it was cute, and some clearly were annoyed. whatever, bitches.

our luggage made it to the baggage claim an hour and a half late, and our shuttle took forever. we didn't get home until after 10 eastern, not having had any real lunch or dinner. so we ate and went to bed. thursday, I called out sick - I was exhausted and bella hardly slept.

sean is feeling better now and is eating normally. bella, however, is not feeling well again and still has fluid in her ears, though it isn't infected.

lady luck must have been on vacation while we were in vegas, but at least I can say that I met the smith sisters and kodiri...that was totally worth it.

pictures soon, promise. god, it's good to be back.

toot toot, tootsie

not much to do today. nothing much going on. pretty boring friday. I feel like going somewhere, though. maybe I'll go out tonight.

nothing much going on this weekend, either. another boring weekend in front of the tube, I guess. maybe I'll try to clean the basement. then again, maybe I'll go out. stay over somewhere. who knows.









annnnyways, while I'm gone, ellis will become a real live boy, and stine will be recuperating. will you all be able to carry on without me? humor me for a second and say "it'll be hard, I'm not sure if we can."

moving right along

we leave tomorrow. (that's for you, jen!) I am doing a little better with regards to the freaking out, and we are mostly packed. everything is packed but my stuff, actually, and the stuff that we use daily. I have an airport parking thingie picked out (which was a source of paranoia in that I have never parked for an extended period of time before and I had no idea how it worked) and we have the pets covered. I think I have learned all I can about travelling with an infant - now I just have to go ahead and do it.

we take bella back to the doctor today to see if she's getting any of the medicine (she's actually doing much better now that we have a new dropper, oddly) and if she's cleared for takeoff. tonight, I finish packing. tomorrow, I have a half day, and then I go home to pack up the car with all our stuff. sean will get home at about 3pm, and trent at 3:25, and I want to be on the road by 4pm. we have to stop at nicole's to pick up the stroller on the way, and then we need to leave ourselves a half hour or so to do the parking thingie. as you can see, I'm sort of thinking out loud here. it calms me down.

and now, xmas/new year's pictures, tiny to save space. a few notes - the guy on the couch with my dog is my mom's husband, the famed robert e. lee. we hang our stockings from the banister as we have no fireplace. everyone gets a stocking, including the pets. we go from biggest to smallest, so kitchen is at the top and sean is at the bottom. the presents under the tree are mostly for other people, but it did look full, didn't it? and the penguin picture is for lonna - bella got march of the penguins for christmas.

viva et al

I can't believe how stealthily it snuck up on us, but we leave for las vegas the day after tomorrow. friday. insane.

I had a panic moment today when I tried to envision me, sean, trent, bella in her carseat, our giant suitcase, our carry ons, and our full sized stroller in my car. it simply wouldn't work. I don't want to bring our umbrella stroller because it's going to be cold and that thin nylon isn't going to help keep bella's body heat in at all. in came nicole to the rescue, allowing us to use her super cool fold up jobby that will allow us to still fit all our luggage in the car. (it was either that, or strap sean to the roof.) I also checked with everyone I know who has ever flown with a baby about gate-checking strollers, changing tables, and on-board ettiquette (yes, we will be walking the aisle of the plane with bella because, well, it's either that, or hear her crying.) I even had a chat session with our airline about whether or not we'd have a problem with trent because his last name is different than mine and because sean is his stepfather. we had a hell of a time with him at the canadian border and I didn't want a repeat. so I think we're all set.

now we just have to pack, get the dog to kkkathy's house, and...that's it. I may have to take a tranquilizer because I'm sure I'm going to be freaking out. which may be good, since I'll be nursing bella on the plane and it'll pass through the milk.

I alternate between thinking that this is a supremely bad idea and thinking it's all going to be okay. of course I have to go with the being okay scenario, I'm not that much of a sadist.

good news - I won (finally) our department's football suicide pool after a grueling 12 week showdown. $400ish smackers. that at least pays for some of the plane ticket debacle, or our shittyass inflated hotel for friday and saturday nights.

as it relates to the blogosphere, I am sad that I won't be online when baby ellis is born. however, I am HYPER NEATLY thrilled that I will be meeting becca, katy, and kodi (and hopefully soph and kiri?) for lunch on either saturday or sunday. how fucking cool is that. you meet strangers online, you talk for months, and then you get to see them. in the flesh. because they are real people, not just typed comments in a blog. it is so exciting.

caution - bitterness ahead

it's a new year. time to let bygones be bygones. make some resolutions. be a better person. look at the bright side.

in order to find the bright side, we'll do process of elimination. these things I am quite sure are not the bright side to 2006:

we need a new heater. our boiler is so old that the one tiny part that is leaking disgusting water all over our basement is no longer made. so, we need to replace the whole thing. our home warranty covers the boiler...unless it's over $1500. and - it is over $1500. more like $3500. looks like we'll be putting off doing the countertops and getting a new storm door.

bella is sick. she had a fever on friday and I took her directly to the doctor's from daycare, and lo and behold, she has 2 "whoppers" in each ear - meaning ear infections. and the kid HATES medicine. I had to call the pediatrician today to find out if there's anything we can do about the fact that she is not getting any of her medicine - and now we have to go back on thursday (the day before we leave for vegas) to see if the ears have gotten any better. the next step is a super antibiotic, something in the sulfur family, which is only taken once a day, but tastes much worse than the non sulfurs. which...if she won't take medicine that doesn't takes as bad as that, what difference does it make if it's one dose or two?? and then tubes in her ears. fanfuckingtastic. and all this ear trouble RIGHT BEFORE we get her on a plane for the first time.

and jo-anne, sean's mother, is no longer speaking to us. she and sean really went at it, and the outcome was jo-anne refusing to read any more of sean's emails, and telling him "remember, you only have one mother. I have 3 other sons." all this over a hat and scarf she doesn't like. I can't even believe it. she did say something not malicious, but certainly telling of her thoughts regarding trent - when she was talking about how she always tries to get people gifts that they like (unlike me), she said that she "even" gets trent a few things so he doesn't feel left out. because, as you know, trent is not a part of her family, just a kid that hangs out with us and who we can't leave home when we go visit for christmas. I can forgive all the I hate the hat comments, but not that one. trent won't be going to her house for holidays anymore.

so. bright sides. hm. as nicole points out, I do have my whole body and am not living with anyone with a debilitating illness of a physical or mental variety. unless you count me; obviously, I am insane.

year in review

well, here we are. the end of december. there's a few more days left for crazy and/or wacky things to happen, but I won't be near a computer to document it.

let's see. 2005 began with me going back to work full time. dropping bella off at daycare wasn't too bad on her, as she was just over 2 months old. it was hellish for me, though, and I cried alot.

I revived the blog at the end of february and nicole started blogging (sort of on the sly at first) just before that. we made alot of nextblog friends as the year went on, and rather than list them out, they are in the links. those are some excellent friendships we forged. I'm extremely grateful.

I also started emailing a core but motley group of people on a regular basis starting in 2004 and continuing into 2005. tom, tracey, jen, mark, nicole and I still email each other as much as possible, and it's their emails (and the blogging) that carries me through each day.

let's see. I went to vegas alone in june for a conference after agonizing over it. bella turned 1. she began to walk and talk. I got to watch noah do the same. we got new carpet in the house. I started going to the gym and then stopped when I got tendonitis and haven't gone back again yet. we redid our kitchen but didn't finish. I deeply hurt my mother in law by not asking her what she wants for christmas and instead getting her the incredibly hideous gift of a pretty wool hat and scarf, and then had the nerve to tell her that her returning it hurt my feelings, and I learned to let go. juuuust kidding.

jen coined the term "hyper neat" which I plan to use alot more in 2006. I almost won a football suicide pool that is still going on. I had a few arguments with my best friend but we got over them. I had a few arguments with my husband but we got over them. I had a few arguments with myself that I'm not completely over. I had a few arguments with colleagues but I've halfheartedly moved on.

I'm not one of those people who sees the new year as an opportunity to change my outlook on life, as I have to do that often to keep my sanity. maybe it's because I'm a gemini or because I'm fickle or lazy or whatever, but I have to reset myself every few months or I start to lose it. so I have several "new years" each year. but I love being surrounded by friends and family as the years move on, and this year, I have the supreme honor of hanging out at the eggertses with master noah for the new year. I'm excited.

I have no idea what 2006 will bring. I hope it brings cookies. and nice bathing suits. and extra spending money. and happiness. and health. and milestones. and a sibling for noah.

happy new year, everyone...see you in aught 6.

picture pages

I told you there'd be multiple post days this week. it is totally dead around here. since I am so fixated on this stupid mother in law thing, I thought I'd post pictures. pretty, pretty pictures.

first, sean's birthday. sean's opening presents and trent's doing shenaningans.


noah eats his fist in his disco clothes. (yes, these are THAT old.)


sorry, ladies, he's taken.


bella's monster feet and a real monster dog.


bella feeds her baby doll. mmmmm, milk in the eye.


our annual picture at my dad's christmas party. sean and I are in the left corner. my dad is in the chair, kkkathy is at his feet, the woman with the lion looking mane is kkkathy's daughter lllori. next to my dad, seated, is my sister josie, and holding her down by the shoulders is her new boyfriend and soon to be husband, who we all just met for the first time, named....joe? john? I think john. next to him is my sister in law carol and next to her is my brother and her husband, roy. beneath carol and next to josie is my brother tony, who is finally separated from his wife. sitting in the other chair is kkkathy's son eeeric and his wife sssally. missing from this picture is my brother pat. and of course, my sister and brother from my mom's side of the family.


here's my neices and nephews. missing from this picture are my oldest neice from my father's side, kristin, and my neices and nephews (3 girls, 3 boys) from my brother and sister from my mom's side. sidenote, an interesting fact about my family - because of non-related siblings marrying into the same family multiple times, my sisters and brothers both from my mom's first marriage and my dad's first marriage are also my cousins.


and here's the only picture I have downloaded so far of bella at christmas with her pretty dress. she wore that santa hat for a grand total of 12 seconds.

it's the thought that counts. for nothin.

well, I had intended to write this post as a wonderful holiday recap. and you know what? I will, right after I get this off my chest.

my mother in law emailed me and sean to ask us where she could return her gifts, which were a lovely wool nine west hat and scarf. however, instead of just asking if she could return them, she gave us reasons, so that we'd know exactly why our gift sucked so badly. she already has too many scarves so she knows she won't use it, and she doesn't like hats because they mess up her hair. so I wrote her back a concillatory but terse email. and now I feel like I'm not sure if I did the right thing. sometimes, I hate gift giving.

and sometimes I love it. let's talk about bella and trent instead. bella was up on and off all night, so she was asleep still when trent opened his gifts. which was kind of nice, so that trent had the spotlight all to himself. he loved his gifts, or so he says (now I have total gift insecurity) and I rigged up his new mp3 player so that it had his new cd on it. we also got him a nerf gun which was a bad idea, as it hurts if you get hit with the balls (hello, nerf? wasn't the selling point to nerf stuff that it doesn't hurt??) and it freaks the shit out of the dog. of course, he wanted to play with it all night and I felt bad that I had to threaten him with no more gifts unless he put it down until after our company at least had left.

bella woke up later and was pleased to see everyone sitting around watching her. she likes the kitchen but I didn't realize that she isn't quite tall enough to see the sink/burner portion of it. oops. but she loves the play food. my mom and robert e lee got her a table and chairs to match, and she loves sitting at them with her play food and fork and spoon. she didn't quite get the hang of ripping open the presents until she was opening presents on monday at sean's mom's house. ah well. next year, maybe she'll do it more herself. she got a ton of toys and a few outfits. we didn't get her much, knowing that she didn't need much and that she'd get things from other people. her favorite toys are her baby dolls, though, and she's taken both of them (one new, one existing) to daycare both days this week. she carries them around the house. she hugs and kisses them and makes them dance. it's adorable.

okay. so I thought I could get through this post if I just got the jo-anne thing off my chest, but it's not working. was I wrong to be upset? maybe I should have just said "fine" and given her a gift card?

why does gift giving have to be so complicated? the hat and scarf were really nice, high quality. I really thought that at the very least, she'd be happy with having them even if she didn't use them every day. I mean, it's a hat and scarf. innocuous, right? maybe I didn't put enough thought into it?

my heart is full of unwashed socks, my soul is full of gunk

my side table in the kitchen is filled with beautiful cards from all over the place. (even as far as utah.) I am so grateful for everyone who takes the time to send us a card.

I, however, am a cold, heartless bitch who...I don't like to admit it...NEVER sends christmas cards. I think I might have sent them out once, perhaps. but not recently, and not this year.

it's not that I'm lazy, even though I'm totally lazy, but that's not why I don't send them. I don't know what it is, really. we were never really card-givers growing up. it was pretty much only birthdays that warranted cards. sean's family, however, gives cards for all sorts of occasions, including christmas and, oddly, easter. or maybe that's not odd. I think it's odd.

so anyways, if you haven't received a card from me, it's not because I don't like you and definitely not because I am not grateful for whatever you may have sent to me. because I totally am grateful. it's because I'm grinchy when it comes to cards.

so anyways, this will probably be my last post until next wednesday, when I return to the ghost town that will be my place of employment. those two days next week that I'm working (weds, thurs) should be total CAKE. I'm talking possible double, triple, QUADRUPLE post days. I'll tell you all about how bella liked christmas, how the plumber fucked us over with our hot water coil thingie, and stuff I don't even know about yet, like how I'm going to win thousands of dollars on those scratch off lottery tickets.

until then, have a merry christmas if you're into that kind of thing, and if not, have a happy whatever you and yours celebrate, even if that's only the fact that all the christian weirdos are not out on sunday clogging up the stores and restaurants. uh oh, brain overload, friends and husbands of mine who are not christian and who celebrate christmas...cannot reconcile in my mind my last sentence...are you inherently christian if you celebrate christmas?? oh well. I leave you to ponder that. I'm outta here.

I blame congress

I just sat here for almost 6 minutes with my hands poised over the keyboard, staring into space, open-eyed sleeping.

last night, I put bella into bed and...

before I go on, I have to mention that I have a serious fear that talking about things makes them happen. like thinking about spilling stuff or worrying about accidentally saying "fuck" in a meeting with the boss's boss's boss, or saying "bella hasn't had a diaper blowout in a while". so I say what I'm about to say with a word to the goddesses of karma or whatev to please, don't make what I say come true. I've seen movies and read books. I'm too tired to deal with something of that nature.

so I put bella into bed and I swear to whomever that I thought she was possessed. I literally was waiting for her to levitate off the crib mattress. what the fuck.

I hope you don't think I'm saying this for comic effect, that I thought she was possessed. I really mean it. in my sleep-deprived mind, I was scared that she had a writhing demon inside of her at the time. I even mentioned it to sean when I got back into bed - an HOUR later. it was freakish and I hope it never happens again. that said, I am positive we'll have a repeat tonight.

sweet dreams.

it's beginning to look a lot like a disorganized mess replete with massive credit card debt

I am, habitually, a christmas-eve shopper. this is for several reasons. one is that I am a procrastinator, which I'm sure you find shocking. two is that I get so excited to give people presents that I can hardly contain myself and so making the wait from purchase to giving as short as possible makes me way more calm. three is that it is tradition, and it is comforting, and I even have learned to enjoy shopping with all the last-minuters.

and now, I have added a fourth reason: elimination of second-guessing. I counted 23 presents under the tree yesterday before I had even wrapped everything - BEFORE wrapping sean, trent, and bella's gifts. so that's just friends and family. I am estimating about 26 people in all that we buy for. we've had to cut back on how much we spend, because....at $30 a pop average, that's $780, then there's the parental gifts that cost more. and as you can see by my masterful travel planning, we can't be throwing money around like that because we may need it. so I went out early this year, hunting bargains. and I did well. and I did well fairly quickly. I have everything purchased and wrapped and it's only the 20th. but then, I'd think of what I got people and start worrying that it wasn't enough. a nice frilly scarf and beaded wool hat and a cute indian-mosaic mirror for jo-anne seems like a good gift, right? but is it BIG ENOUGH? a warm sweater with an irish shamrock and some other irishness on it, which was more expensive than most of the other gifts already, for sean's dad seems like a great gift, but shouldn't there be more to open??

now I'm finding myself buying more stuff to supplement the gifts I got already, because I'm all worried about how they'll be perceived. how stupid is that?? at least when I do my last minute stuff, there's no time to worry about how it'll be perceived. I probably would have spent less. plus, because I already wrapped stuff and ran out of the wrapping paper I used to wrap the original presents, the supplemental presents are wrapped in different paper. and it's wildly different, as I used blueish paper to wrap the first batch of gifts and I only had red and green ho ho ho and xmas tree paper to wrap the rest. so now I'm freaking out that they'll KNOW it was a supplemental gift. god. I am SURE this isn't what baby jesus wanted.

in other news, jarrett and his wife jenal gave birth to a (compared to their firstborn, tiny) little baby girl today shortly after 8am. they named her lucy. so cute. babies, babies everywhere! but not a cheek to eat.

HAPPY (one day late) BIRTHDAY, LONNA!!

ode to lonna, in haiku:

lonna, beautiful
friend and blogger buddy too
hap, happy birthday.

ode to lonna, in bad country song:

well, she found a lone soul from pennsylvaniaaah
and she married him up riiiight
they sit up eatin tofu
every single niiiight
they got two cats and a youngin
they fill their house with luuuuuuv
they just need to meet some vegan punks
it's what they're dreamin uuuuuv.

ode to lonna, in cheer:

lonna, lonna, she's our girl
if she can't do it, I will hurl!

updates and clown cars

not that I'm nicole's personal mouthpiece or anything, but I see that the list of comments over at her site are growing. she seems to be doing okay. I think the primary issue for her is seeing her mother so distraught. I can only guess that there may be some feelings about larry himself that she needs to sort out, but as she has mentioned, they were not very close. the mood up there is sad and harried, with lots of people calling and stuff happening, all with an inquisitive boy in an unbabyproofed house with no baby gates. I think they will be travelling home on monday evening, so I'm hoping she'll be able to post herself on tuesday. I'm trying to simultaneously be there for her and not bug her.

so last night, we decided to knock out bella's christmas shopping. as in stuff for bella. now, I don't know what's going on lately, but our usually mellow, laid back baby has rocketed herself into terrible twodom already. we used to pride ourselves on being able to take bella to restaurants and other establishments without much fuss. now that she can walk and has discovered the power of the tantrum, though, it's not quite so easy. in fact, it's not easy at all. we went to the new macaroni grill in montgomeryville because it's right next to toys r us, and because we were celebrating sean getting crazy excellent remarks (and a raise) from his performance review. the plan was to meet there after I ran some errands (consisting of buying super-hold-you-in underwear and taking the dress I purchased at macy's back to macy's to take off the stupid sensor) and after bella woke up from her spiritually cleansing nap, refreshed and ready to have a meal at a restaurant.

well, we met, we were served promptly, the tables are covered in white paper and crayons are provided so there's endless areas on which to scribble, and there are people on all sides ooing and ahhing over her, so you'd think we'd be in the clear. nope. after she exorcisted her torso around almost 360 degrees in an attempt to get out of the high chair, she threw one of several mini tantrums. boots went flying. crayons catapulted. chicken bits landed hither and thither. finally, I told sean to just pack her up and take her to toys r us and I'd take care of the check and all that.

the plan for toys r us was that bella had no idea that we were buying her stuff anyways, and both of us wanted to be there for the toy purchasing. first off, toys r us is a big place, but oddly, has very little selection apparently. second, bella was racing around with a toy banana she found somewhere that looked very dirty, and by the time I went to the checkout, I had to call sean on his cell phone to find out where in the store he was, so there went the shopping together idea. our big gift for her is a play kitchen, and while TRU had a few on display (including that hideous dora the explora one which will never find its way into our home, goddamn football headed freak) many were not in stock. however, the one I wanted had just come in, as a kindly employee seeing me checking out the display models said. so I did get the one I wanted, and it was on sale. nice.

we got a few other things, including a kid sized foam chair with a picture of elmo on it in a bright yellow covering that seems to be big bird skin, and then we got into the line at checkout. cue the next tantrum when we try to pry the dirty plastic banana out of bella's hands and put her coat on. seriously. isn't she too young for this???? so I send sean on his way again since all I'm doing is paying and we drove separately. I had a 20% coupon good on one item only, so I used it. a woman behind me, who for some reason didn't want to use her coupon, gave me hers, so I got another 20% off another product. nice. twists and turns, these days.

I get all the stuff but the kitchen out to the car and pack it up. thank god bella's not in the car. I drive around to the front of the store to load up the kitchen and holy fucking shit. the box is huge. I'm having an ikea moment. you know, when you buy too much shit at ikea and then realize that there's no way you can fit it all in your car. the guy who brought the kitchen box outside said, "you ain't gonna fit this in there." thanks. so I call sean - come back quickly! you need to put some of this in your car! as I'm making the call, the guy is rearranging everything in my car and somehow, some way, makes it fit. I can hardly put the car in gear because there's shit on the console and the car seat is now upside down in the front seat, and I can only use my side mirrors to see out of the car, but I'm self contained. so I called sean again - nevermind! go back home!

of course, I had one more stop to make, as sean's department was having a potluck something or other, and I was (or "sean" was) supposed to make pumpkin dip. and we don't have pumpkin laying around, nor cream cheese. (sidenote: I believe that cream cheese is disgusting, vile, and of the devil.) so I got that stuff, threw it on top of my now-crumpled and wrinkled dress that is on top of the car seat in the front seat, and made it home. and saintly sean, he unloaded the whole car and put everything in its right place.

now how the hell am I going to wrap that huge kitchen??

respite

thank god, project runway is back on. this is easily my favorite reality TV show. no stupid watering down, no manufactured drama (yet), no overdramatic host. not that I don't love my other reality shows, I do...just not as much. project runway, I love you more than CAREBEAR STICKERS.

down with the sickness

so this weekend, I got sick again. this time, sinuses. know what blows the most about extended nursing? or breastfeeding in general? (ps, hi steve! I'm talking about breastfeeding! sorry...) you can't take any drugs. no sudafed, no heroin, no nothin. well, advil, which I am taking by the fistful, and tylenol, which I'm allergic to, and benadryl, which renders me incapable of speech or eyelid lifting.

so I've been using these zicam swabs that you stick up your nose; they are homeopathic. and gooey. and I'm using breathe-right strips. and a vicks vaporizer. and an eyebag. and a sleep mask to hold the eyebag on. sean finds me dead sexy in all these acoutrements.

I was off from work yesterday, and sinuses throbbing, I put up our tree while sean dealt with a very cranky, very fussy bella. (and I dealt with a very cranky, very fussy trent.) so our tree is up, our house is "decorated" which means there's more bric-a-brac up that is holiday themed, and there are 2 giant tubs of decorations by the front door that are supposed to be outside. it's just so cold, and I'm so tired. and lazy.

maybe I'll get to it tonight. (probably...not.)

ps, as I'm sure you already know, our family's thoughts are with the wengers and kin, who are going through a difficult time now. a loss at a time of celebration of a famous birth must be even more difficult to bear. I've met larry a handful of times, and he's always been very pleasant to me. carol is a wonderful woman and I hate to think about the suffering she's going through now. she's a strong person, and I know eventually she'll be okay, but it's the getting there that makes me tearful for her.

....clusterfuck....

first, a word about our weather. we got about 7 inches of snow last night. actually, more like this morning. when sean left around 5:20ish, he cleaned off my car and shovelled the front walk. by the time I got up at 7, you couldn't tell that he'd done anything at all. trent had off from school, but of course my work was open. thank god bella's daycare was, too. she's at daycare, I'm at work, and trent's at home. and there's 7 new inches of snow on the ground. did I mention that we rarely get snow here before january? I just hope this doesn't mean that the entire winter is going to be full of snow. I can't take that much.

okay. back to business at hand. you know how back in june, I went to las vegas for work? well that same conference I went to then is happening again, this time in january. so this time, I decided to take sean, trent, and bella with me.

because it's already december, I wanted to get the airfare out of the way asap. we only just got permission to attend this thing, so I immediately went to our travel lady here (who sits across the aisle from me) to make the arrangements. sean already had a credit from when he was planning to go with me in june. this is important for later.

so I decided that since I was taking trent, I wanted to have him miss the least amount of school possible, and since the conference was on monday and tuesday, I figured we'd go out late friday and have the weekend before for vacation. so I told the travel lady that we'd like to check on flights leaving late friday and returning wednesday.

I had her hold off on looking at hotels because my boss was being wishy washy about which one he wanted to stay at. he's been to vegas many times, and refuses to stay somewhere he's already been. this is important for later.

so she sends me times and and I choose the flights for going out and coming home. then I get hit with the first of many snafus. sean's original ticket was about $400, back in june. we didn't use the ticket, so that money is a credit, minus a $100 fee for transferring the dates of the ticket. normally, how this would work is that you take the $100 off the top, giving you $300 in credit. you subtract the amount of the new ticket (in this case, less than $200 but I want to use round numbers) from the credit, and you get to use whatever is left over on any additional tickets. so, we'd lose only $100 on the whole deal because we were getting a new ticket that was less than the old one, and could use the remaining money for other tickets. however, since us air, who issued the original ticket, was taken over by america west (which, when did that happen?) they will not allow the additional credit. this means that the ticket was $400, we had $300 in credit after the penalty, and the new ticket was only $200, and we have to forfeit the additional $100 due to the new rules. okay, we can live with that. sucks, though.

then the second snafu. america west won't take the $100 off the top of the ticket. we have to pay that outright, outside of the credit. so now the ticket was $400, the new ticket is $200. we get an even trade on that and lose the additional $200. and on top of that, we have to pay the $100 penalty outright. so sean's ticket is now $500. okay. not much you can do about that.

later that day, I hear laughing from my coworkers. we find out that there are a few other conventions going on at the same time, one of which is the AVN awards. remember this for later.

so ONE DAY goes by, and I finally find out that we are all supposed to stay at caesar's. it's reportedly about $139/night. literally as I am looking at hotel options, the travel lady sets my tickets down on my desk. they are booked, period. she walks away just as the website for caesar's comes up. I put in my arrival and departure dates. and as predicted, the price per night is $139. EXCEPT saturday night, which is $539 for the night. and friday night. which is SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS.

of course, I'm immediately freaked out. like, oh my god, what am I going to do freaked out. I send an email to the travel lady, who helpfully says "well, I could have told you that they'd be expensive that weekend." hey thanks. I go to look at other hotels for friday and saturday and they are ALL exorbitantly priced. like rooms that are usually $60/night are $300. my idea is that trent will have to miss more school, and we'll fly out on sunday and stay till friday instead. so the travel lady says that we can transfer the tickets for me and trent, but sean's ticket will have to be forfeited outright because america west doesn't transfer transfer tickets. I am in such a panic, I can't make any decisions, so I call sean and hash it out with him. we were trying to figure out whether it would be more expensive to stay somewhere for friday and saturday, or to just buy sean a new ticket.

then another snafu occurs. are you keeping count? this is number 3. the travel lady, who sits across the aisle from me, comes over while I'm on the phone and mouths "it's cheaper to stay the weekend." I can't figure out how this is, so I end my call and go to her desk, where she proceeds to tell me that by "transferring" my ticket and trent's ticket, we incur the same $100 penalty that we discussed before. so we'd have to buy a new ticket plus pay $200 in penalties. not only that, but in the ONE DAY since we booked our flight, the prices have gone up to over $300. so we'd have $200 in penalties, plus the difference in ticket prices for me and trent, plus a whole new ticket for sean, plus the $500 we paid already for sean's ticket.

at this point, I'm sort of hyperventilating. so we decide that we will stay in vegas those nights. just obviously not at the caesar. I start looking for cheaper rooms. here comes snafu #4. there are NO ROOMS in vegas on that friday or saturday night, the aforementioned AVN awards. which, if you didn't click on the link, is the PORN OSCARS. holy fuck. literally.

so we find 3 rooms available - one is at a super 8 motel that is technically on the strip, only about 30 blocks north of even crappy casinos like the riviera. I've seen that area. I do not want our family to be starring in CSI. so that's out. one is the tropicana, and it's only $105. whew. does it surprise you that it isn't available? so our last hope was the travelodge on the strip, which wasn't so bad at $125. (as I try not to think about the fact that the room is normally $41.) it's between the belagio and new york new york, so not a bad area. only the room, and all the rooms around it, is smoking. so we went with that, and we're packing a fan. asthma and baby-suffocation be damned.

so the short story is that we are going to vegas in january, for 5 fun-filled days that fucking better be filled with winning a shitload of money on the slot machines to pay for everything.

2-9 Day # 2

Sean here. I'm finally so caught up on my work/training that I now have a chance to post something. I've been extremely busy here at work handling the financial side of our operations for the past two months, and that requires a lot of intensive training from a bitchy guru who's always on my ass to see if I'm walking a straight line (picture Pai Mei to The Bride in Kill Bill Vol. 2). Well, straight is how I strut, and now it's time for a breather so that I can say "hi" to all of you nice people.
The birthday week is going great. I definitely feel special the way a birthday person should. Can't wait to hit that box of Godiva white chocolate assortment when I get home. My iPod speakers work great, so now I can do dishes to the wonderful sounds of Blessing The Hogs, Gorerotted, and Leng Tch'e (Belgian for "Death By 1000 Cuts")...well, only when nobody is in the other room trying to watch TV. Dinner was nice last night. It was a little hectic at times in the typical Milligan/Mickles/Brennan way (loud, overbearing, opinionated family members in a loud restaurant). My mom was about to raise hell because the reservation was for 6:30pm, but we didn't get seated until 7:15pm. Everyone was a little ticked, but we all behaved for the most part. We were about to complain to the waiter once we were seated, but as we were taking our seats, out came the manager with three large complimentary plates. On those plates were mussels in lemon butter sauce, calamari with a side of marinara, and mozzarella sticks with a side of marinara for the kids and Patrice (who got none...sorry honey...if only you liked squid and meat from sea shells). He apologized and complimented our good nature and patience. See, it pays not to be an asshole.
Well, I'll try to post more in the future. There wasn't much to this. I just needed to get a post out there to break the streak of post-less days. Sometimes you need a cupcake opponent to get you back to winning ways. Kind of like how the 49ers were to the Eagles in week 2 after that week 1 loss to Atlanta. Although, they didn't get very far after all. I'll try to do better than that. Now it's time to buy myself a birthday present online!!!!

the day that will live in infamy

it is sean's birthday today.

it was sean who introduced me to the theory of the birthday week, and as such, he's been getting the rrrroyal treatment since monday, when he got his choice of dessert. doesn't sound like much, but he takes his dessert seriously. (he chose warm apple crumb cake with fresh merrymead cinnamon caramel swirl ice cream.) yesterday, he got his ipod speakers. today, his family are meeting us at a nearby restaurant to celebrate his birthday and his grandmother's birthday, which is tomorrow.

there's alot of sean stories I could tell you, having to do with funny experiences with outdoor defecation (there are, seriously, quite a few of those) and drunken debauchery. I could even tell you sweet stories like what he was like at bella's birth or how he proposed. (and I think I did tell you about our first dates at the mexican restaurant and with the cheese sandwiches, right?) but I'm going to tell you (with prior permission from sean) about one of the best sean stories I ever witnessed, which some of you already know - the cat door.

we live in a smallish row home that was built in 1920. as such, we have radiator hot water heat and no air conditioning. in the winter, it's no big deal because the radiators work quite well and the house stays toasty. however, in the summer, we have to put in room air conditioners and partition off all the bedrooms because it's just unbearable up there and the air conditioners only really cool off small areas. so we put an air conditioner in our bedroom and closed the door at night. maggie, our dog, would always follow us wherever we go, so she'd already be in our bedroom when we went to bed, but kitchen, our cat, loves to roam at night.

because our bedroom door didn't really close or lock correctly, the cat would come in in the middle of the night by pushing the door open. if we barricaded the door shut, she'd scratch endlessly at the door to get in or out. so we decided that we should get a cat door for our bedroom door so kitchen could come in and out as she pleased, and the cold air would stay in our room.

I bought the cat door and was intending to install it myself. I had read the directions and it seemed pretty easy. but sean wanted to do it himself, and so at 8am on a weekday while I was at work, he began what he (and I) thought was a simple, couple-of-hours task.

I called him at around noon to see how things went. he answered the phone completely flustered and angry. I asked him what was wrong, and he proceeded to tell me what had happened.

you have to use a template and cut a hole in the door to install the cat door. he took the door off the hinges to work on it, naturally. he didn't want to get sawdust on the floor so he took the door down to the basement. he used the jigsaw to cut the hole, but the blade broke, so he took trent (who was home from school for the summer) to home depot to get another one, which didn't fit. he finally got the saw to work and cut the hole out, installed the door, and heaved the door back upstairs.

as he put the door up to the jamb to put it back on the hinges, completely pleased with himself for not making a mess AND for being a total handyman, he noticed something was very wrong. he said to me "so I got the door back up and now I am so angry..." and before he even had a chance to tell me what happened, I knew. he had cut the hole AT THE TOP OF THE DOOR. so unless our cat was 7 feet tall, she wasn't getting in the cat door. he was so angry, but my god. it was the funniest thing I had ever heard. people two rows down from me at work were wondering if I was okay, because the laughing I was doing sounded more like choking than anything gleeful. in fact, for a few minutes there, no sound was coming out of my mouth at all. I demanded that trent take a picture before sean fixed it.

oh, and fix it he did. I told him to just flip the door upside down and put it on the hinges that way, so the hole was at the bottom. but the hinges weren't equal distances and the door was now 3 inches too tall for the door frame. so sean, having just used the jig saw, and now drunk with power and rage, proceeded to cut this wildy jagged piece off the top without measuring. needless to say, it was way more than the 3 inches we needed. and he also had to reinstall the cat door itself because now it opened upside down.

we never did fix that door. it still has the lock on the outside (great for pranks!) and it still has a jagged 4" gap at the top, making it seem more like a saloon door than anything else. but the cat has her cat door and she does use it. all's well that ends well.

sean, thank you for always making me laugh. happy birthday, handyman.

stuff babies do

my mom called me yesterday (we talk maybe once a month, if we're lucky) and since I hadn't seen her since bella's birthday party, I realized I had alot to tell her about bella. and then I realized there was a lot of stuff going on with bella, stuff I haven't really properly acknowledged in a while.

things started changing so fast once she turned one. she started talking alot more, and her personality really started showing. and then of course she started walking. and talking more. and being empathetic.

this morning, bella said "thank you" for the first time. (well, the first time I heard her, anyways.) the other night, she picked up her baby doll and hugged it and pet its head and gave it a toy bottle. she's begun pointing to our eyes and nose and mouth and teeth. she loves her feet and likes to put on shoes. in short, she is no longer a baby. as sean and I say to each other often while we watch her sleep, she's a bona-fide KID.

as you know, this is bitter-sweet for me. this is the last time that I'll be going through this and it's sad to look at what will never happen again. no more first words or steps or hearing "mama" for the first time. I guess we still have a ton of firsts to go, but it's still kind of sad.

so, bella's vocabulary is, to date: mama, daddy, hiya, bye bye, night-night, thank you, doggie, maggie, trent, brett, uh oh, hot, banana, cup (she says "cuppa"), and my new favorite, nononononono. apparently, I don't just say no once, I say no no no no, so she says nonononononono when she doesn't want to do something. she's walking really well, can turn around and get up without holding onto things, she can crouch down (which, by the way, is adorable), and loves to throw the tennis ball for the dog. she loves to dance and shake her butt, she plays hide and seek with trent where she crouches out of sight and then says "RAAAAAWR!" (which, by the way, is adorable.) she also says "whooooaaaaaaa" whenever she does something new or falls or climbs on something, which, by the way, is adorable.

I love this kid.

it was horrible and I got fired.

just kidding.

the presentation went well on friday. of course. I get worked up over nothing. had I not been so nervous, though, I'm sure I wouldn't have been as prepared.

the weekend went by quickly. I did a bunch of xmas shopping on saturday, knocking out alot of people on my list. the rest of our carpet was installed on saturday, too, in the hallway. no more splinters! except in trent's room. sunday, I went bridesmaid-dress shopping with my sister and my niece, who is getting married in late august. sean and bella went to baby disco with nicole and mark and noah and jess. boy, do I wish I went with them.

not that dress shopping isn't fun. however, dress shopping with tiny petite people who are tan does take some of the luster away. I started trying on dresses alongside my cousin, who is 20 something and a size 0. I'm not exaggerating, that's her size. I almost fit into the dresses on the racks. they were one size too small. so I wasn't able to zip them up all the way. but you certainly got the picture. now, on the other hand, jackie was at least 5 sizes smaller than the dresses on the racks. however, my sister's horror at seeing me in those dresses made me scurry back into the dressing room and leave the trying-on to jackie. even though someone had to stand behind her and hold the dress tight so we could see what they looked like. in retrospect, I'm kind of offended, I guess. I did say to denise (my sister - denise/patrice, they rhyme. get it? my mom says it was unintentional) that I would be wearing whatever dress they pick, so it might behoove them to see me in it in all my giant glory to get a more accurate depiction of what it will look like at, you know, the actual wedding. ah well, whatever. we did spend all day at bridal shops only to find the dress she wanted at david's bridal, which for you other-places folk is a giant chain of bridal shops on the east coast. maybe it's national, I don't know. in any case, it's bright coral and empire waisted, so some things work for me and some against me. I clearly will have to diet and tan this summer. at least it gives me a goal.

it snowed over the weekend and that really convinced me to take my fall stuff down and put up my xmas decorations. it hardly ever snows before january here. we always hope for a white christmas and we hardly ever get it. it's supposed to snow again today already. I hope this doesn't keep up all winter. I don't mind driving in the snow, but I hate other drivers who do mind because they fuck it all up for the rest of us.

and...I don't have a good way to end this not cohesive post. how about this? what's your favorite holiday song and why? I don't have a clue what mine is yet. I'll let you know.

today is the day

before any big presentation, one should always strive to get a good night's sleep.

here is a short play by play of my night.

10pm, bella falls asleep on my lap on the rocker downstairs. she hasn't done that in a while, so I feel like I'm sitting pretty, able to get last minute stuff done before I go to bed while she is safely ensconced in her crib.

10:30pm, I get everything together and climb into bed. my shoulder has been killing me for days now, after having slept on it funny a few nights ago. so I put one of those self-heating cramp pads on my shoulder to sleep on it hoping it will loosen up the muscle. sean has put maggie on the bed and of course this means she's sleeping on my side, but my feet are cold so it's bearable. I swat sean a few times to get him to stop snoring.

midnight, bella wakes up for the first of many, many times. I put her in bed with us. we all sweat. I swat sean a few times to get him to stop snoring.

2am, bella wakes up again. I switch sides with her so I can both nurse her on the other side and so I can switch shoulders that I'm laying on. the dog decides to move up further and I now am forced to lay on one side with my legs bent in opposite directions with no covers. I swat sean a few times to get him to stop snoring.

3am, I wake up completely stiff. I move the dog to her bed on the floor and bella to her crib.

3:01am, bella wakes up as soon as she hits her crib mattress. I pat her to sleep for about 10 minutes.

3:57am, I wake up to a strange noise. it sounds like the cat clawing the mattress (as she is wont to do) but only with one claw. in rhythm. it's rather loud. then I realize that it happens every time sean exhales. then I realize IT'S SEAN.

4am, I finally shake sean awake to stop the...noise. he is incredulous that it happened. then he buries his face in the pillow and laughs. so I laugh. we laugh for 10 minutes.

4:10am, his alarm clock goes off. now, here's where it goes from funny to annoying. sean's clearly awake. he's been laughing for 10 minutes. it's a nice start to his day. he could get to work early or just have time to have a nice breakfast. but no. sean is used to hitting snooze a few times in the morning, as most of us are. however, most of us aren't getting up at 4am. so sean decides to get more sleep in and hit snooze. I am also fully awake at this point but I don't get up until 7am, so I am trying to get more sleep.

4:19am, sean's alarm clock goes off. he hits snooze.

4:28am, sean's alarm clock goes off. he hits snooze.

4:37am, sean's alarm clock goes off. FOR THE FOURTH TIME NOW. he hits snooze.

4:39am, after stewing about how annoyed I am that I keep getting awakened by this goddamn alarm, I hit sean, telling him to wake the fuck up already. sean says "don't you dare." whatever that is supposed to mean. he turns off his alarm clock. then he lays back down.

4:40am, I hit sean again, asking if he's planning to wake up at all today, because often if he lays down after turning off his alarm, he'll fall asleep without waking up in time for work. plus, he has to leave shortly and he definitely needs to shower. he says "I'm GETTING UP."

4:45am, bella wakes up again.

I sleep fitfully until my alarm goes off at 6:30am, I half-heartedly hit my snooze button, then get up at 6:45. REALLY tired.

so. excellent way to start the day. hoo rah.

presenting....

don't you hate it when you create an entire presentation and realize you should have done it differently? and that it kind of blows?

anyways. I am feeling better. not 100% but at least not in the bathroom anymore. I just have a whopper headache and my muscles hurt. and the tiredness.

anyways.

I am now allowing myself to get excited over christmas. mostly the shopping, anyways. we aren't going overboard on anyone (even the kids) so this year, it has to be quality and not quantity. which is sometimes difficult. maybe excited isn't the right word. perhaps it's apprehensive.

compounding that is the fact that sean's birthday is dec 7. the day that will live in infamy. (which I guess is kind of outdated now that sept 11 happened and is this generation's pearl harbor day.) what the HELL am I going to get him? don't tell me in comments, because I've heard a rumor that he actually does READ this thing from time to time even though he doesn't post. (blah blah blah work blah blah. I've got a presentation I have to embarrass myself with tomorrow, work is no excuse.)

anyway, you kinda know sean by now. he likes metal, movies, beer, metal and metal. and fluffy puppies. any ideas? email me at patrice108 at gmail dot com. please.